Fix You
by MeanMisterMustard
Summary: Professor Lupin agrees to help Harry with the dementors, but soon discovers that the boy needs help so much more than anyone ever realised.
1. Chapter 1: Memories of a Monster

Chapter One: Memories of a Monster

He woke with a start from his sickeningly vivid dream, his heart racing, his sweat drenched sheets tangled around his feet. He always felt as though the heavy darkness of the dorm room was pinning his limbs to the bed, he was unable to move, and barely able to breathe. He had these nightmares every so often, he'd had so many he could hardly remember when they had started, but they were always the same.

Since coming to Hogwarts it had gotten a little easier though. Waking up from a night terror here was so much better than waking from one under the stairs, in that dank, confined space – where the threat of real monsters didn't dissipate once you opened your eyes.

But at Hogwarts it was better, not that there wasn't a certain type of peril at Hogwarts – but it was one Harry revelled in, and actively sought out to be honest, he'd be willing to do pretty much anything to take his mind off the past – though in his heart he knew he would never be able to forget.

He lay awake, steadying his breathing, though he'd relived this horror so many times, it didn't get any easier. He tuned in to the sound of Ron snoring and the rain tapping lightly against the panes of glass and he let the feeling of safety sink in, this was Hogwarts, and Hogwarts meant Ron and Hermione, and Hagrid, and magic, and Quidditch, and Dumbledore. Somehow, in knowing that Dumbledore couldn't be too far away he found that he could drift back to sleep again, leaving the terrors of his past to the deeper recesses of sleep.


	2. Chapter 2: Code of Conduct

Hey everyone, thanks for the reviews, this chapter and the last one are admittedly quite short but I'm hoping to put up at least one new chapter every day, so you won't have long to wait. There's plenty of fatherly hurt/comfort Remusness to follow in the next chapter… Remus = LOVE!

Chapter Two: Code of Conduct

Remus peered out of the window of his office and sighed, the rain hadn't let up all day and he had hoped to go for a walk in the evening. He cursed himself though, for forgetting that Harry was coming to see him after lessons today, he had promised to help him master the Patronus charm, seeing as he was having particular trouble with the Dementors.

A smile tugged subtly at the corners of his mouth, he loved spending time with Harry – more than he should, and he knew he was giving Harry special treatment, not that he wouldn't do the same for any of his other students if they were having trouble with Dementors. But it was his motives with Harry that worried him; he wanted to protect him, to watch over him. He supposed it was probably guilt for the 12 years that he had been absent from his life, he should have been there for him, he wanted to be, but Dumbledore forbid him to go anywhere near Harry – and he knew the old Wizard had his reasons, but it still hurt. And so to be so close to Harry now without lavishing him with attention was difficult for Remus, but he managed it because he had a code of conduct as an educator – and after all, Harry was 13, he'd hardly want to spend every waking hour with one of his professors.

The day meandered on and was largely uneventful, only the odd mishap here and there with his first year classes (they always tended to be a little bit 'wand happy' before really understanding the assignment) but nothing he couldn't handle.

The evening rolled around and after dinner Remus retired back to his office but in the end didn't have to wait long as Harry showed up bang on time and, smiling to himself, Remus made a mental note of another way in which Harry was more like Lily than James.

"Harry! You made it. Wonderful, come in, come in." He said warmly beckoning Harry into the room.

Harry wandered into the room, a little dazed by the array of paraphernalia on display in Professor Lupin's office, he didn't want to be rude but he found his eyes being drawn to some of the peculiar objects dotted around the room on shelves and in cabinets.

Remus sorted a few documents on his desk, he made a mental note (again) to be more organised when it came to marking assessments.

"So how are you getting on Harry?" He asked once he had given up on aimlessly flicking through the pieces of parchment on the large oak desk.

"Fine thanks Professor." Harry replied with a shrug.

"Right well, we might as well get down to it, no time like the present!" Remus said cheerfully, noticing, however, the bags beneath Harry's eyes and a change in his demeanour – something didn't seem quite right. But then he remembered when he was a student here, he and the lads hardly got six hours sleep a night between them, what with the plotting and the 'cartography' and so on. And he surmised that since Harry had inherited James' penchant for mischief that there was probably no more to it than that.

"Now, the spell that I'm going to be teaching you is the Patronus charm, have you heard of it before?"

Harry shook his head.

"No, not to worry – the Patronus acts as a sort of shield to the Witch or Wizard who casts it. In the case of a Dementor attack, the enemy will be attempting to get close to you, as you know, to feed on negative thoughts, memories and the like. The Patronus repells them by casting out a positive energy through which they cannot pass." As he was talking Remus walked over to the old closet in which he housed the boggart and removed the large throw which covered it, as he did the closet immediately began to clatter violently and Harry took a small step backward.

"It's alright Harry, we can take this at your pace – we can just work theoretically today if you would prefer?" Remus felt a little guilty for throwing Harry in at the deep end. But if what he knew of Harry was true, then Harry would prefer the deep end approach anyway.

"No, no I want to try this out!" Harry protested, as Remus had expected him to.

"Excellent! Excellent, well, the incantation is 'Expecto Patronum' do you want to give it a try?"

"Expecto Patronum." Harry repeated, even with a little of Remus' own inflection, which made the Professor smile a little.

"Very good. Now… it's not just a simple incantation there are other requirements to casting this charm besides words. This is very important, you must focus on a good memory, a very happy memory, the happiest memory you have, ok? Can you think of one?"

Harry took a moment, remembering the first time he flew, how exhilarating it was, how freeing, how it just made everything else go away – he let it consume him and then nodded to his teacher.

"Very good Harry." Remus responded. "Now, we may as well give it a try – remember 'Expecto Patronum' using your wand, and keep a hold on that memory!" He moved over to the side of the cabinet and unlocked it with a wave of his hand. Looking to Harry he nodded, and the boy nodded back determinedly, and with another wave of his hand Remus freed the boggart and watched on to see something completely unexpected. Something that changed him forever.


	3. Chapter 3: When Chocolate Doesn't Help

Chapter Three: When Chocolate Doesn't Help

The voluminous, spiralling black entity swarmed out of the closet towards Harry, twisting and morphing, fast and somehow deafeningly loud but also silent simultaneously. It seemed to take longer to find its shape, to seek out Harry's greatest fear. But soon the contorting black mass merged into the shape, not of a Dementor, but a man, a very large, red faced man. He seemed disorientated at first, and glancing to Harry Remus saw that he had frozen to the spot, he was scared, very scared and Remus wanted to say something, but was so dumbfounded, so confused that he couldn't find any words.

The fat man appeared to gather his bearings and honed in on the boy cowering in front of him. He took an unsteady lunge forwards and Harry raised his wand in a meek attempt to do something about it, stammering, the charm clearly forgotten, the happy memory eradicated. The man backed Harry into a corner and loomed over him menacingly and began to remove his belt, twisting it tight around his fat, sweating palm.

Finally Remus snapped back into action and moved quickly over to Harry and pushed his way between the boy and the thoroughly furious man who, once faced with Remus morphed into the only slightly more spherical orb of the full moon. 'Ridikulous.' Remus incanted quietly without the usually fervour and the moon popped into a thousand bubbles which he directed to drift silently back into the closet which subsequently locked automatically.

He turned back to see Harry curled up in the corner, his knees drawn up to his chest and his arms wrapped protectively round himself. He knelt down in front of him, bringing a hand up to tentatively place on the crook of his shoulder. At this Harry flinched and looked up to see his Professor looking unusually concerned.

"Harry, it's alright, it's gone now." He said trying to reassure Harry as he was shaking and had gone worryingly pale.

Harry peeked over to the closet and then back to Remus who gently stroked the base of his neck a little and gave him a small smile.

"Sorry Professor." Harry muttered, his eyes cast down, avoiding contact.

"Why are you sorry?"

"I…" there was a long pause "I forgot the spell."

"That's perfectly fine Harry. Nobody gets it on the first go, trust me, it took your Mother weeks, and she was the Hermione Granger of her age!"

Harry smiled a little at this and Remus felt relieved to see it, he wasn't entirely sure what had just happened, even less what it all meant, but Harry's reaction scared him. Nobody should be that terrified of another human being. In truth, Remus had been a little worried about using the Boggart, because he thought perhaps Harry's fear would manifest itself as Voldermort and Remus wasn't entirely sure of the implications of that, but seeing as Harry's first attempt to fend off a Boggart in class had seen him facing a Dementor, Remus felt sure that they would see a repeat of this today. He was totally unprepared for this situation, but he knew he had to find out exactly why this man terrified Harry so much.

"Do you think you can stand up?" He asked gently and Harry nodded silently before allowing Remus to help him to his feet and guide him over to sit in the chair in front of the large desk while he himself leaned on the desk in front of him, his hands reaching into his pockets. Remus considered offering him some chocolate, but guessed that this might be one of those rare situations in life where chocolate actually wouldn't help.

They were both silent for a moment, Remus being careful to conduct this conversation well as he understood now the gravity of the situation. Harry sat protectively in the chair, his head cast down and his hands picking nervously at the cuffs of his jumper.

"Harry… who was that man?" Remus asked uncertainly.

"I don't want to talk about it." Harry mumbled quickly.

Remus sighed as Harry squirmed under his gaze, clearly he was going to have to take a different approach.

"I'm sorry Harry. I knew using the Boggart wasn't necessarily the best way to go about this. It was presumptuous of me to think that it couldn't turn into anything other than a Dementor." Remus said, attempting to relax Harry a little. And he believed what he said, he had taken Harry's feelings for granted, he hadn't really thought this one through and he knew it.

"It's not your fault Professor. It's no big deal or anything anyway… it was probably just a glitch." Harry made eye contact with him but quickly broke it again, gazing towards the windows and the now fading sunset.

Remus took a moment to consider this statement and then stood to drag a chair round and sat in it next to Harry.

"Harry – Boggarts don't do things by halves. I've faced many of them over the years, I've studied them, worked up close with them… I've taught hundreds of students about them. Trust me, Boggarts don't make mistakes." He spoke gently, quietly and yet somehow his voice still resonated around the room. Harry was silent, silent and very still, apart from his eyes, which were darting back and forth. An escape plan clearly unfolding in his head, Remus knew that look – it was one James often wore when they were caught during an ill-fated prank.

"Whoever that Boggart was recreating, he frightens you-" Harry squirmed again, his eyes shot towards the door and then back to the window. "-and that frightens me. Harry, I understand if you don't want to talk about this, but I have a duty of care as your Professor to know if you… well, if you're in danger."

"I'm not in danger… it's not like that." Harry replied defensively.

Remus paused, everything was fitting together, the fat man was a muggle, you could tell by his attire, he was at the later stage of middle age, Caucasian, British – who else could it be?

"Harry – was that man your Uncle?" Remus asked softly.

Harry shot out of his seat at this and Remus immediately followed suit.

"I don't want to talk about it – just leave it!" Harry shouted directly at Remus, their eyes locked Harry's fists clenched. Remus looked taken aback and, clearly stunned by his outburst at a teacher (one he actually respected), Harry stilled and looked sheepishly at his feet. There was another silence in which Remus eyed him worriedly.

"I'm sorry Professor – I didn't mean to shout I just… I…" Harry trailed off, and Remus decided to use this as a moment to take control.

"Sit down." He said quietly, but it wasn't a request.

Harry complied, sitting back down in his chair, his eyes fixed on the desk in front of him, and Remus sat beside him once again.

"Harry, I want you to know that you can talk to me about anything, I'm here for you, as a teacher and also a friend. I'm on your side. We both know that something is the matter here, and I can understand your reluctance to discuss this, and I know you're probably frustrated and angry that I'm asking, but you have to understand my concern. I'm worried about you, and I want to make sure that you're safe." As Remus spoke Harry's eyes appeared to begin to glisten slightly.

"Do you trust me?" Remus asked.

Harry nodded his head minutely.

"Was that, the boggart, was it your Uncle?"

There was a long pause again as Harry appeared to be weighing up the options. Eventually he gave another minute nod of the head and then closed his eyes, frowning and shakily exhaled a breath that Remus hadn't noticed he'd been holding.

"Ok." Remus said very gently and decided to give it a minute before asking anymore questions, he didn't want to scare Harry away. Considering for a moment, Remus wondered whether or not Harry could ever have had anyone to turn to for help. There were the Weasleys, but knowing Harry as he did, Remus surmised he wouldn't wish to be a burden. His heart sank, if Harry's family truly were neglectful or even abusive to Harry, then he really would have had nobody to turn to. And again a deep pang of guilt shot through him for not having told Dumbledore to go hang, and going to check up on Harry while he was growing up.

Harry was now shaking considerably more than before, and though his office wasn't warm at the best of times Remus knew it had little to do with the temperature. He placed a hand over Harry's, who flinched slightly at the contact and then just stared down at Remus' hand as it closed over his own.

"What happened Harry?" Remus asked him, taking care to be gentle, to leave any anxiety or insistence out of his voice.

Harry took a trembling breath, and appeared to be psyching himself up to it, but then caved in on himself and shook his head. "I… I can't say. I'm sorry. I can't." He stood up once more and made for the door but Remus managed to catch him up and spun him around, a little more forcibly than he would really have liked to, and placed a hand on either shoulder.

Harry looked as though he was torn between trying to make a run for it and hexing Remus into next Tuesday. To Remus' surprise Harry didn't attempt to run or fight, he simply nodded a little before uttering brokenly "He… he… I couldn't get away… I…" and then he burst into tears. He covered his face with his hands and sobbed harshly, uncontrollably. Remus' heart shattered to see Harry like this, it was so wrong, it was like all the colour faded out of his world, as if a Dementor was feeding off his very soul.

Remus, with his hands still planted on Harry's shoulders, pulled the boy in to his chest before closing his arms tightly around him and rocking him gently as he wept. He brought a hand up to stroke Harry's hair and whispered reassurances to the boy, whose resolve had now completely crumbled and whose small, fragile form now heaved with loud, long, heart-breaking sobs that seemed as though they would last forever.

"It's ok Harry. Shh. It's ok. I'm here."


	4. Chapter 4: What Drowning Feels Like

Chapter Four: What Drowning Feels Like

It wasn't fair. It just wasn't. This was Hogwarts, this was his home. Here he had always been safe, been valued and even loved, away from the horrors of 'the family home'. The monsters were never supposed to be here. And yet they - he - had seeped in, through the nightmares and now through the old, dusty closet. Harry felt like screaming till his lungs were empty, like breaking everything in sight, like running and running as fast as he could until this feeling of helplessness was well and truly worn out. But he couldn't; he found himself sitting timidly in a chair in his Professor's office, trying to fend off the questions, and the impending tears that he resented so much.

"Harry – was that man your uncle?" He heard Professor Lupin ask, uncertainly.

That was it - he had to get out, Lupin was piecing things together far too fast, and Harry knew he himself was giving so much away, just by his body language, and as much as he respected his teacher, he didn't want him to know, he didn't want anybody to know. He reacted instinctively, jumping out of the chair, planning to run, but Lupin stood just as quickly and blocked his way to the door – without even realising what he was doing Harry yelled.

"I don't want to talk about it – just leave it!" he wasn't in control here, and that scared him, angered him even. He could feel his nails digging into the palms of his hands, his eyes ablaze with frustration and fear. Lupin looked shocked, but also saddened, and in a flash Harry realised what he had done. He had just yelled at his last real remaining link to his parents, his favourite professor, and the one person in the world he thought perhaps might understand. He felt thoroughly ashamed, and it suddenly dawned on him that if Lupin wanted nothing more to do with him, then he would feel totally and irrevocably lost.

"I'm sorry Professor – I didn't mean to shout I just… I…" he uttered, he desperately wanted to make it right but didn't know how. The tension in the room was almost unbearable, and he felt tears stinging the corners of his eyes.

"Sit down." Lupin said, he didn't sound angry, but it was clear that there was no room for negotiation on the matter, so he sat back down. His stomach twisted with nervous dread and a vast swell of emotions that he had so far kept locked deep inside himself, where no one would ever see.

He felt rather than saw his Professor sit back down beside him.

"Harry, I want you to know that you can talk to me about anything, I'm here for you, as a teacher and also a friend. I'm on your side. We both know that something is the matter here, and I can understand your reluctance to discuss this, and I know you're probably frustrated and angry that I'm asking, but you have to understand my concern." Lupin clearly cared for him, he must if what he was saying was true – and Harry wanted so desperately to believe it. He wanted to stop running, to stop holding his breath and waiting for a day when all of this would feel like a lifetime ago, he just wanted someone to tell him it would be ok.

"I'm worried about you, and I want to make sure that you're safe." Lupin spoke so gently and with such sincerity. "Do you trust me?" he asked.

Harry nodded.

"Was that, the boggart, was it your Uncle?"

Harry couldn't think straight now, he was so overwhelmed, he wanted to be honest, but so much of him was screaming to keep quiet – terrified of the consequences. It took a long time, but finally he let his head fall once in a slight nod and closed his eyes in shock, what had he done?

"Ok." Lupin responded, and that was all he said for a long time, and Harry felt the silence that followed flood through him, infest his veins, his heart. He needed to get something out, he needed this pressure to stop – it was just too much. He could feel Lupin's eyes on him and it was more than he could bear. He felt a hand cover his own and it startled him, he flinched a little and then gazed down, transfixed – Lupin was holding his hand.

"What happened Harry?"

Could he tell him? Would he understand? Harry wanted so badly to stop fighting, to actually have someone see the turmoil he worked so hard to keep hidden. He was building himself up to let go, to let it out, but he couldn't find the words. What if he didn't believe him, what if he was angry? He couldn't do this, he didn't understand what was happening, he needed to think, to breathe – which was becoming increasingly difficult. "I… I can't say. I'm sorry. I can't." he heard himself say it, but it sounded as though he was underwater, everything was happening so far away and also far too close, and he wondered if this was what drowning felt like.

He made for the door again and this time almost got there, but suddenly felt strong hands grasp him by the shoulders and spin him back towards the room. Horrific memories flooded his head. Hands holding him in place, unable to get away, choking, unable to breath, no one there to save him, and the pain shot through him as though it were happening all over again – and now he couldn't fight anymore. The emotions tore through him like a tsunami, crushing, consuming his whole body. He felt himself nod and stammer something but he couldn't really tell what. And then the tears that had been threatening to brim over crashed out and he heard himself let out a sob. And then he was gone. Only the pain of years of torture was there now, and he was so utterly lost.

He felt Lupin pulling him gently forward, into his chest and he inadvertently collapsed against him, burying his face in the crook of his shoulder and succumbing to the tears that flowed out of him. Lupin wrapped his arms tightly around his shoulders and rocked him slowly, cautiously. He felt a hand stroking his hair and his teacher's head lean down to rest on his as he shook violently and continued to cry out, the pressure in his chest still throbbing.

"It's ok Harry. Shh. It's ok. I'm here."

He sounded sad, but his voice was tender, and he gently rubbed Harry's back and whispered reassurances as he cried himself to exhaustion. Eventually his sobbing subsided into whimpers. He began to feel warmth, emanating from the man who held him close, and for the first time he felt truly safe, truly cared for. He nestled further into Lupin's chest and felt his breathing returning to a normal pace, he could feel his Professor's heart beating through his chest, and it somehow felt… grounding.

Lupin continued to hold him close, his hand occasionally sweeping softly over his hair. Harry was reluctant to break the embrace, but knew he would have to face reality again at some point and so eventually moved back and felt Lupin releasing him. He felt so cold as soon as he stepped back, and he couldn't look his Professor in the eye now – dread filled him again, knowing that now he would have to tell all; this fight was over, but he knew the next one was going to be even more painful.


	5. Chapter 5: Tenuousness

Hello everyone, thank you for your lovely reviews and I'm sorry this has taken a while, I'm hoping to pick up the pace with this again. In other news I love Hedwig!

Chapter Five: Tenuousness

"I'm sorry." Harry mumbled, his head hanging down, eyes averted.

Remus reached out and cupped his cheek, which was still damp from tears. "You have nothing to be sorry about." He felt Harry lean into his touch. "Come on." He said, leading Harry over to a small bench beneath the windows.

Harry sat shakily down and this time Remus decided chocolate was necessary. Harry nervously accepted the slab of Honeyduke's finest, wrapped in crinkled copper foil; he broke a couple of squares off and nibbled at a corner. Remus sat down next to him, eyeing him with concern.

He was in shock, they both were, the revelations of the past hour had been so overwhelming and yet Remus still didn't entirely understand. He wanted to know everything; he wanted to bombard Harry with questions, to understand exactly what had caused him that much pain. But he knew that now was probably not the best time, Harry was clearly exhausted, and he himself needed time to think things through.

"How are you feeling?" He asked as Harry continued to nibble cautiously at the chocolate.

"Alright, I suppose." He replied wearily. "Tired."

Remus sighed and placed a hand gently on the boy's shoulder.

"I think you could do with a good night's sleep. But we do need to have a talk."

Harry nodded and folded the foil back over the chocolate, handing it back to Remus.

"It's Saturday tomorrow, maybe we could go for a walk to the lake, it might help to get out of the castle for a while, get some fresh air."

Harry nodded again. "Ok." He said unenthusiastically. He still hadn't made eye contact with Remus.

"Everything's going to be ok Harry, I promise." Remus put his arm around Harry – who remained stoically unmoved, shut off – a stark contrast to the boy who had been weeping in his arms just minutes before.

"Come on then, I'll walk you back to the common room." Remus sighed, guiding Harry to stand, and then retrieved his bag from the floor.

The walk back to the Gryffindor Common Room was painfully tense. Harry walked silently by Remus' side looking only at his feet as they strode through the now dark corridors, only a few members of faculty could be seen now, shuffling from room to room. Once they reached the portrait hole they stopped and another awkward silence fell upon them.

"Get some sleep then Harry, we'll talk tomorrow. I'll be in my office." Remus spoke gently so as not to disturb any of the paintings. Harry nodded and retrieved his bag from Remus who had carried it for him, and slipped through the portrait hole and away.

Remus walked slowly back to his quarters which were located in an entirely separate wing, and so the journey took a little while. His head was swimming with information, questions, worries and anxieties. He tried desperately not to read anything into the events of the evening, after all Harry had been far from specific about what had actually happened to him, and Remus knew it would be wrong of him to jump to conclusions before speaking with Harry properly.

As he walked through the now entirely empty hallways he let his mind wander back to his Marauder days. The nights he was dragged out on some ridiculous and ill-fated prank by James and Sirius, at the time he dreaded the implications of such excursions, but now he looked back on those nights with fondness. He wished more than ever that James and Lily were still alive, not only would it mean that Harry's life would have been so much easier, but he also just missed them, so much. Coming back to teach at Hogwarts had been difficult because of his proximity to Harry but also because it was his home for seven years, the best years of his life, and now all that lingered here were ghosts, and memories that had begun to feel more like half-forgotten dreams.

Remus eventually reached his room and slumped down onto his bed. He picked up a book he'd almost finished and was eager to get to the end to, but reasoned that tomorrow was going to be tough, and perhaps he'd be better off getting some sleep, or at least trying to.

...

Harry woke from another nightmare, two nights in a row was always tough. He lay still, breathing quick and shallow for a long while – it was so still, there was no rain tapping on the roof and Ron was sleeping uncharacteristically quietly, but Harry could tell that the sun was just and so beginning to crest, light slowly crept into the room and Harry felt himself relax slowly as he heard birds chirping merrily outside, it wouldn't be long until he could reasonably get up. As soon as this thought crossed his mind however, fear gripped him once more – everything came flooding back to him from last night, the Boggart, his talk with Lupin, oh God – he'd cried all over his DADA teacher - the whole scene when replayed just seemed so pathetic! But he had genuinely been terrified, to his bones. To see the one man who had subjected him to pathological torture and humiliation in the one place he felt safe – even though he knew it hadn't been real, Harry still felt as though Hogwarts had been tainted somehow.

He waited until the clock struck 6:30 and light had filled the room just enough to cast out the last lingering shadows of the nightmare, and then dragged himself from his bed and into the bathroom. He knew (it being a Saturday) that no one else would be up for a while and decided once he was washed and dressed he would get caught up with some of his assignments, there was a transfigurations essay that he'd been putting off for ages, but now it seemed like a blessing – anything to distract him from his impending talk with Professor Lupin.

But Harry soon found that such thoughts could not be so easily cast aside. He sat with his textbooks open on the desk and a piece of blank parchment staring back up at him in an almost self-righteous fashion. He knew Lupin was going to want answers, to know why he had been so upset, and he reasoned that there would be no passing it off as stress or sleep deprivation. After all he had seen the boggart, he had seen Harry's reaction. There was no mistaking that something was wrong, very wrong. Harry cringed at the thought of Lupin pressing him for information – while he sort of wanted someone to know what happened to him every summer, about what had happened while he was growing up, he didn't want to have to go through the litany of disgusting rituals that Vernon made him endure. If only there was a way that he could make him understand besides actually telling him. Harry stared back down at the parchment and then back around the silent, empty common room. Perhaps if he couldn't say it, he could write it.

Cautiously Harry dipped his quill in the ink, and then checked to make sure he was definitely still alone before beginning, shakily, to pen the horrors of his upbringing. It took a long time to get the right words down, but once he discovered that he was writing this more for himself than anyone else it seemed easier, though throughout the process he was forced to confront demons that he had wished to keep locked up forever, often he would find himself shaking violently with nervous energy, and constantly had to check behind him for fear that somehow his Uncle would be there, would see everything he was writing and would strike out once more. Harry wasn't even certain whether or not he would really show this to Lupin, and found that hesitance helped in encouraging him to write more, to open up more. He wrote solidly for an hour, until his hand was aching and he felt thoroughly emotionally drained. Reading over what he had written he cringed at several points, but knew that he had been truthful, this had happened to him, and nothing could change that.

He folded the parchment up and sat thoughtfully for a while, could he really show Lupin this, let him know everything he'd had to endure, down to the last detail. 'Perhaps I'd better just burn it.' He thought.

Somewhat absent-mindedly he decided to check on the map where Lupin was and after scoring the map discovered that he was in the teacher's living quarters and he was pacing back and forth, endlessly. He took longer and more deliberate strides than Dumbledore tended to, who, as his name suggested, ambled aimlessly around, stopping for a moment or two at a time and then returning to his meanderings.

Harry felt his chest tighten, Lupin was pacing, and that meant he was thinking, and though Harry knew it might seem big headed to make such assumptions, it wasn't hard to deduct what he was thinking about. He pictured him, dressed in his threadbare shabby cardigan, his brows drawn together in fretful concentration, his hands in his pockets. For Harry, Lupin was everything a teacher should be, sort of everything a man should be. He was straightforward and incredulously polite, eloquent and well read. He was gentle but maintained the authoritative nature of someone who had spent their life teaching teenagers how to battle monsters. If ever Harry was going to trust someone with his past, he suddenly realised that he wanted it to be Lupin.

Hurriedly and without giving himself the chance to change his mind he cleared his books away, being sure to manage the map and fold it away, he grabbed the letter and ran back up the stairs to the dormitory where he found Ron and Neville still lying in an undignified manner, asleep in their beds, while the others all appeared to be in the showers.

He dumped his books on his bed and made his way to the Owlery. He still wasn't sure what to do. He almost ripped the letter up several times before he finally arrived at the top of the tall tower. As soon as he opened the door Hedwig hooted happily and flew over to him, he tickled her under her beak and carried her over to the small window where she perched on the sill. Harry took the letter from his pocket and held it in his hands for a long time, he hadn't written anything on the face of it, he hadn't even sealed it because while writing it he was fairly certain he wouldn't send it. And now he stood on a precipice – if he sent it then someone would know all of the horrible things he'd done, been made to do and had done to him. He didn't know if he'd be able to look Lupin in the eye ever again… but if he didn't… he would be alone in this forever, who else could he turn to – he would have to carry this around with him for the rest of his life, he'd have to go back to that house, and try to fend Vernon off, and what if he failed again? He closed his eyes and sighed, the tightness in his chest and the tenuousness of the situation were unbearable – this decision was tearing him apart.

In his state of turmoil Harry suddenly remembered the feeling of being held, of strong arms wrapped around his shoulders, of kind words and understanding. He didn't want to be alone anymore. He opened his eyes and looked at the parchment once more before slowly handing it to Hedwig who gently took hold of it in her beak. "Take this to Professor Lupin, Hedwig." Harry uttered shakily. Hedwig cocked her head a little and blinked slowly at him as if to ask if he was sure – he swore that bird was a mind reader sometimes. He nodded to her and she bowed her head slightly before springing off the windowsill into the cool morning air and off towards her intended destination. Harry watched until she was out of sight and then the anxiety took over.


	6. Chapter 6: I Will Try To Fix You

Hey everyone, thanks again for the reviews, they really spur me on and it's so lovely to get such positive feedback. This chapter is quite dark and very explicit which is why I've changed the rating to M. If anyone has experienced abuse of any kind I would urge you not to read this chapter as it could trigger you. Otherwise I would really like some feedback on this, I'm just not sure if it's too much or if I've handled the content ok? Otherwise I hope you like the chapter and continue to enjoy the story. There's going to be some very heartfelt protective, fatherly Remus loveliness in the next chapter – because Remus is king of men (and wolves.)

Chapter Six: I Will Try To Fix You

Remus, unsurprisingly, had hardly slept that night. His mind had been far too preoccupied with questions and fears to succumb to sleep. He couldn't help but replay the scene he had witnessed earlier that evening – the boggart, and poor Harry. Had he acted correctly? He could barely tell, everything was still so confusing, so vague, he needed answers, but knew that this morning Harry was probably going to be somewhat reluctant to talk about it. Perhaps they should have discussed things last night, he thought, but the boy had looked so utterly shattered, he couldn't have put him through that. He didn't want to put him through it now, but it was a necessary evil – he had to understand. He wouldn't let Harry go it alone anymore.

He had been pacing his room for the best part of an hour, trying to deduct an appropriate approach to the impending conversation. He didn't want this to go horribly wrong – there was far too much depending on it. He didn't want to impose too many questions on Harry or force him to reveal things that he didn't want to reveal, he didn't want him to be uncomfortable, but at the same time, this was his safety on the line – not to mention his emotional welfare.

Remus sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose. He couldn't get the image of Harry curled up on the floor shaking, utterly terrified out of his head. He shuddered to think how often Harry had been abused, and in what manner.

Suddenly there came a light tapping sound from the window pane, pulling him from his reverie. He looked up to see Hedwig perched on the window-sill; he quickly stepped over to the window and opened it carefully. Hedwig waddled in through the open window and onto the desk below, not waiting to be invited in it seemed. Remus closed the window again as it was letting in an awful draught, and then turned back to the snowy white owl.

She was holding a letter, or what looked like a letter in her beak. "Is that for me?" Remus asked, feeling a little daft for talking to the bird, but she blinked dreamily back at him and dropped the letter on the desk and hooted quietly.

Hesitantly Remus picked up the letter, it wasn't addressed to him or to anyone – he looked back to Hedwig who hooted again. He sat down in the wooden chair beside the desk and opened the letter as the little owl looked on intently.

_Professor Lupin,_

_I'm not sure why I'm writing this down, it's probably a terrible idea, and I'm fairly sure I'm never going to even send this; there are just things I don't think I'll ever be able to say out loud._

_If you ever do read this please, don't hate me, and I beg you, please, __please__ don't tell anybody. If he finds out I told someone, he'll kill me._

_It started when I was 5, well, I suppose it started before then, but the first really serious incident I remember happened when I was 5. I had been told to clean (my cousin) Dudley's room. I was used to this as it was one of my regular household chores, so I set to work but I hadn't had any sleep the night before because I was sick – after a while I got really tired and I eventually ended up falling asleep. When Uncle Vernon got back from work he found me asleep in Dudley's bed and he beat me and made me sleep in the garden for three days. He said that I didn't deserve a bed at all._

Remus was so angry. An instinctual protectiveness rose within him and he anxiously read on.

_Things were okay for a while after that but one day about a year later I was doing the laundry and I accidentally put a red pair of socks in the washing machine with Uncle Vernon's white shirts. They were both so mad at me, my Aunt scolded me and told me I was useless and that she wished she never had a sister because now she was lumbered with me. Vernon took all my clothes away from me and I was only allowed to wear underwear and shoes for three days as punishment. That's_

Remus noticed a large inkblot next to that last word… Harry had clearly hesitated whilst writing; he must have been so terrified to put all of this into words.

_That's when it got really bad, that's when it wasn't just the beatings and the starvation and making me sleep in the cupboard under the stairs. That's when he started touching me._

Remus shuddered; he had suspected that something of this nature had occurred, but he didn't want to believe it.

_The first time something like that happened was the second night of the weekend where I wasn't allowed clothes. Petunia had taken Dudley to see his Grandma, so I was alone in the house with Vernon. He made me do more chores than usual but he let me sleep on the sofa instead of in the cupboard. On the second night though he said we were going to watch a special film, I was really excited because I was never allowed to watch television. But he put the video tape on and it was a film of people having sex. I didn't understand at the time and I was really confused and scared. Vernon was telling me about what they were doing and making all these disgusting comments. I tried to get him to turn it off or let me leave but he wouldn't so I tried to run away but he grabbed onto my wrists. He made me take my underpants off and stand in the middle of the room so he could look at me. He started touching himself and saying really horrible things and I had to just stand there. It was awful and I cried and cried and I wanted so badly for Petunia to come home and stop it._

_After that it happened every time Petunia went somewhere, he would call it our 'Special Time' and he told me I couldn't tell anyone because if I did he would kill me, and that even if I did no one would believe me anyway. I didn't have any choice; I had to just do as he told me and try not to think about what was happening._

_One night when I was 8 he had locked me in the cupboard and I had needed the toilet but he wouldn't let me out and I ended up having an accident, when he finally opened the door again and saw what had happened he was really angry. He dragged me to the bathroom and made me take all my clothes off. He said I was filthy and I needed to be taught a lesson so he tied me to the towel rail and then urinated on me. And then he started touching me down there, and I struggled but I couldn't get away and he was making all these noises and telling me what he wanted to do to me. _

BANG!

Remus punched his fists down hard on the desk, causing Hedwig to jump and flap in surprise. He took a moment to take it all in and then punched the desk again, feeling pain soar through his hand and wrist. He was shaking with fury, it was just awful, Harry had been through hell. Utterly horrified, he reluctantly read on.

_After he untied me and let me get dressed I waited until he had gone to bed and I ran away, I hid in the local church or the park or anywhere I thought I would be safe for about a week until the community support officers found me and took me back. It all got a lot worse after that._

_I wasn't allowed to be on my own at all anymore in case I ran away again, and Petunia pulled me out of school to 'teach' me at home. I didn't get any lessons, but sometimes they let me do Dudley's homework if I had been good. Luckily Petunia didn't go away as much after that, so I didn't have to be alone with Vernon as much, but when we were alone he had become a lot more adventurous, he made me do things, to him, and if I cried or I didn't do it the way he liked it he would beat me really badly. The beatings were so much worse by this point, I ended up with broken bones on more than one occasion, he said because I was getting older then I should expect to be punished like a man._

Remus found himself ablaze with too much emotion. He was angry – so fucking angry, he wanted to find Dursley and tear him limb from limb, he had never felt rage like it, not even at Voldemort himself – for anyone to do such evil, heinous things to a child was unthinkable. Despite the intensity of his fury however, he felt a spark of pride for Harry, he had been so singularly brave to not only write this letter but to send it, he could scarcely fathom the kind of courage that would take, and as much as he didn't wish to read on, he knew he had to, for Harry.

_Finally the letters started arriving from Hogwarts, and although between them and Hagrid arriving things were awful, the worst they had ever been, I had hope for the first time, hope that maybe I would be able to escape, to Hogwarts._

_And I did. I came here, and things got better, I could forget while I was in classes, suddenly there were so many other things to think about, and I met Ron and Hermione – I had never actually had friends before. It was strange to actually meet people who cared about me, who liked me, and I couldn't completely believe it, I was constantly expecting that they'd find out that I was awful, find out what I had done and they would hate me. It hasn't happened yet, and I don't think it will, but sometimes I still worry about that._

_The first summer I went back to my Aunt and Uncle's wasn't too bad, they were so terrified of Dumbledore that they even let me sleep in Dudley's second room. Vernon didn't come near me once that summer, he didn't even look at me, but just before I left to come back for my second year he left a note in my room. It basically reiterated that if I told anyone about the things we had done that he would find me and kill me, magic or no magic._

_Last year, despite all of its inherent drama, was great. I was back at Hogwarts, learning, I was with my friends and I was slowly beginning to put the past behind me. But this summer things changed. I don't know why, but suddenly I was no longer off limits. He started beating me again, I think he realised that if I was going to tell anyone I would have done it by then. He would rub himself against me whenever he got a chance – and he kept telling me that he had missed me and that he wanted to see how much I had grown. He had managed to take my wand away from me on the first night when I was asleep. I was sort of terrified to be without it, but also glad that I wouldn't end up using it and getting myself kicked out of school. Things got gradually worse as the summer went on, as the time for me to leave drew nearer he got more and more aggressive. One day he demanded that I show him my private parts so that he could measure me, and that night I cried for the first time in two years and he beat me so badly that I thought I might die._

Remus looked up from the parchment to discover that he himself had tears running down his face. To think that Harry had been through all of this at such a young age and hadn't had anybody to talk to was horrific.

_Then one night, about a week before I left, Petunia and Dudley had gone out to the cinema and Vernon had stayed behind, he told them he had something to work on. I went up to my room and pretended to do homework, but really I was just waiting for him, because I knew he was going to want me to do something. I wasn't wrong. He burst into my room about half an hour after I'd gone up, he was drunk, and he told me to get on the bed. I thought it would just be like usual so I did. He stripped me naked and then took his trousers off and started rutting on top of me, I tried to fight, to kick him and punch him but he was pinning me to the bed. I was shouting at him to get off and leave me alone and eventually I started yelling really loudly and he must have been worried that the neighbours would hear me because he punched me in the face until I was really dizzy and then he gagged me and I couldn't shout or move, I was completely helpless. _

Remus had a horrible feeling he knew where this was going, and he felt sick and light headed, fearing the worst he read on.

_(I shouldn't write this part down, I don't want to because it's disgusting and it's all my fault, but, I need to get it out, it's driving me mad. I'm so sorry, I know I'm repulsive but please don't hate me.) He turned me over and lay on top of me and then he went inside me, he penetrated me, and I just laid there, I couldn't do anything and it hurt so much. It was awful, I just wanted to die, I didn't even have the energy to cry or try and make him stop, and I just laid there and let it happen. He was saying all his horrible stuff and then he was grunting and shouting and eventually he finished and it was over. He made me put my clothes back on and pretend it had never happened for when Petunia and Dudley got home. Everything hurt so much, and I could hardly believe what had happened, I felt dead inside, I felt like nothing could ever be good again, he kept staring at me and I couldn't think about anything else, I just kept replaying what had happened in my mind over and over again. Just before I left he told me that I was a slut, that I had let him do that to me, that I obviously wanted it and it was all my fault. Even though I don't want to believe him I know it's true. And now I don't know how I can live the rest of my life knowing what I've done. I hate myself. I hate him. I can't go back again, because I know he'll make me do it again. Please help me, but I beg you, please don't tell anybody. I'm so sorry._

_Harry_

Remus dropped the parchment to the desk and then leaned forward burying his head in his hands and crying once more for the boy he loved like a son, a boy who had been treated in the most inhumane way possible. He hoped now that there was no heaven, for Lily and James' sake. If they knew what had happened to their little boy their hearts would have broken anew every day, every second.

Still weeping, he turned his thoughts to the monster that had done this. The fucking bastard who had inflicted these dreadful things on a child, who had put Harry through years of torture. Rage coursed through him all over again and he stood sharply, kicking the first thing his foot could find contact with repeatedly. He roared with anger. He didn't care if other faculty members heard him; he needed to get this feeling out of him.

Once he had managed to calm himself down, he sat back down at his desk, looking apologetically to Hedwig, who somehow seemed to understand. He sat for a while thinking, these thoughts could easily have consumed him all day, but he knew that Harry would be going out of his mind with uncertainty right now. So he took a new piece of parchment and a quill and penned a quick response.

_Harry,_

_Firstly, I must say that it was incredibly brave of you to write that letter, you have absolutely done the right thing, I believe every word, and I'm proud of you for doing what must have been very difficult._

_Secondly, I do not hate you. I could never hate you, no matter what. You have done __nothing __wrong. You are not to blame in any of this. It is __not__ your fault. _

_I want you to know, that I would never do anything to hurt you. I want to help you, and want you to trust me. I promise to you now, you will not go back there ever again. I will never let that happen. You are safe now. _

_I would like for us to have a chat, Harry, I think it's important. I understand how difficult this is for you, and you can take as much time as you need. I want you to know that you can discuss anything with me; I give you my word that will not break your confidence, I will not judge you and I swear that I will do everything in my power to make things better._

_I will be in my office all day, please come and see me, even just to let me know you're ok._

_Remus_

He folded and sealed the parchment quickly, addressed it to Harry and sealed it with a charm to ensure that no one but Harry could open it. He gave the letter to Hedwig who quickly accepted it and as soon as he opened the window, she flew off as fast as he had ever seen an owl fly, back to her beloved owner – a boy who had been alone long enough.


	7. Chapter 7: A Promise

Hey everyone – it's a fairly long chapter this, not too long I hope. Let me know if I've babbled on too much. Thank you for your lovely reviews, keep em coming, they're a great source of motivation! (Hagrid: ultimate beard envy.)

Chapter Seven: A Promise

Harry had left the owlery and begun to make a slow meandering journey towards Hagrid's cabin, leaving the putrid stench of owl droppings behind him. Hagrid always got up ridiculously early, even on a Saturday. It made sense really, after all he had so many creatures to tend to and feed, not to mention Buckbeak, who was delicately put, rather high maintenance.

He didn't want to see Ron and Hermione this morning, he was so tense and so nervous that he didn't think he could hide it, and he was a grand master when it came to hiding emotions. He walked slowly through the grounds, pondering his decision to confide in Lupin so intimately. What if he rejected him? What if he thought he was lying? Oh God, what if he just didn't care? Harry's mind was racing.

'I can't believe I did that.' He thought to himself, frowning, wishing now that he could go back in time, think things over properly. When would he learn that he didn't always make the best decisions on five hours sleep?

Once he reached the west end of the castle and looked down towards Hagrid's cosy little house he decided perhaps he didn't want company after all. Maybe he just needed to be on his own for a while. Besides, he was hardly going to be a barrel of laughs today, and Hagrid was probably busy anyway.

He wandered a little further away from the castle and found a rock to sit on and overlook the lake. The minute he sat down he heard Hermione's voice in his head nagging at him for being outside of the grounds on his own. What with Sirius Black on the loose Hermione had been getting increasingly bossy when it came to his personal safety. He smiled fondly; he loved that she cared that much.

Unfortunately the happy thoughts of his friends were soon pushed out by his strengthening anxieties over the letter. He wondered if Lupin had received it yet, if he'd read it. Perhaps he was reading it right now. It was unbearable. Harry could hardly even remember what he had written now, but he knew he hadn't held back on the details. He buried his head in his hands and groaned.

He sat there for the best part of an hour mulling things over, chastising himself for being so impetuous. After some time he felt and heard a swoosh of feathers behind him and turned around to see Hedwig perched on the rock looking wistfully up at him.

She edged a little closer and dropped a small letter next to him, he petted her gently and she hooted.

"Thank you Hedwig." He said shakily and she flew off in the direction of the lake. Clearly she wanted some time alone too.

Harry looked back down to the letter and then tentatively picked it up again. 'Harry' it read on the face and on the back had a wax seal embossed with the shape of a crescent moon.

He opened it, he felt so agonisingly nervous, and his heart was beating violently against his chest. He tried to calm himself down, but it was no use. He unfolded the carefully constructed letter and read its contents.

_Harry,_

_Firstly, I must say that it was incredibly brave of you to write that letter, you have absolutely done the right thing, I believe every word, and I'm proud of you for doing what must have been very difficult._

_Secondly, I do not hate you. I could never hate you, no matter what. You have done __nothin__g wrong. You are not to blame in any of this. It is __not__ your fault._

_I want you to know, that I would never do anything to hurt you. I want to help you, and want you to trust me. I promise to you now, you will not go back there ever again. I will never let that happen. You are safe now._

_I would like for us to have a chat, Harry, I think it's important. I understand how difficult this is for you, and you can take as much time as you need. I want you to know that you can discuss anything with me; I give you my word that will not break your confidence, I will not judge you and I swear that I will do everything in my power to make things better._

_I will be in my office all day, please come and see me, even just to let me know you're ok._

_Remus_

Harry let the letter fall down into his lap, he hated that he felt tears stinging the corners of his eyes. Lupin cared, he actually cared. At least, he thought he did. He must if what he said was true. But to Harry it seemed so unlikely. He didn't know what he had expected, but not this.

His head was swimming and nothing seemed to make much sense and the more he thought about things, the more surreal and detached he felt.

"Allo 'Arry!"

Harry jumped about six foot in the air when he heard the gentle rumble of Hagrid's voice.

"Sorry – I er, I didn't mean to scare you. I just saw you sittin up 'ere and I thought I might come an' say 'ello."

"Sorry Hagrid. I was miles away." Harry said, honestly, as Hagrid sat down next to him. "I was going to come and see you actually, but I got sort of got distracted." He admitted, placing the letter as casually as possible in his pocket.

"Ow're you gettin' on then, everythin ok?" Hagrid asked; genuine concern and warmth evident in his voice.

"Yeah. I'm ok. Just… just a bit stressed with school work, you know." He felt bad lying to Hagrid, but he could hardly be honest, he hated that he was always putting on a front, even with those he loved.

"Well you're doin' just grand in my class. Don't worry 'arry! You're a smart lad, just like your father. You've nothin' to worry about!" Hagrid bumped shoulders with Harry, which almost sent the boy off kilter, but he just about managed not to fall off the rock. Poor Hagrid really didn't know his own strength at all.

"You know you really shouldn't be wanderin' around on your own! What with that Sirius Black on the loose. If Professor McGonagall knew about this…" he shook his head, ever terrified of the stern Scotswoman "Come on, I'll walk you back to the castle!"

Before he had a chance to protest Hagrid had stood up and picked Harry up off the rock by his shoulders and planted him back on the ground. They walked slowly back up to the castle, and Hagrid told Harry some more about Hippogriffs. Harry was glad of the conversation, not only did he find the creatures fascinating, but it was also very effective in taking his mind off the Lupin situation.

Once they got further into the castle grounds Harry realised how strangely quiet it was, and then remembered that it was a Hogsmeade weekend. He felt his heart sink slightly, knowing that as per usual everyone would be having a great time in the town whilst, due to his lack of anything that resembled a family, he would be left behind… on his own… again. Of course.

Hagrid seemed to sense Harry's dismay. "You know if you ever want to come down to visit on Saturdays it'd be lovely to see you, I mean, you may not want to, probably got better things to be getting' on with I dare say, but the offers always there."

"Thank you, I'll definitely take you up on that offer, but maybe not today… I've got other, er, stuff to be getting on with I'm afraid."

Harry didn't want to seem dismissive, but he didn't think he could handle a whole day of magical creature banter today, besides, he knew he really should go and see Lupin at some point, reluctant though he was.

"Well, anytime."

"Thanks Hagrid." Harry smiled up at him. Hagrid ruffled his messy hair affectionately and then headed back the way they had come.

Once he had gone Harry stood for a long time, alone in the small courtyard. 'What now' he wondered. Looking up at the clock, he noticed it was almost one o'clock. Harry sighed, he knew he had to do it, he knew he had to go and talk to his Professor but he desperately didn't want to. He scoffed at the irony, he hadn't seemed terribly bothered about spilling all of his deepest darkest secrets only a few hours ago, why then should he care so much now?

He tentatively took the letter from his pocket and read it over carefully once more. Again, it seemed perfectly genuine, caring and concerned.

'_please come and see me, even just to let me know you're ok'_

'Am I ok?' he wondered.

Then out of nowhere. "Potter!"

Harry spun around to see Draco and his posse of morons sneering at him. He quickly tried to fold the letter again and put it back in his pocket, but Draco had it out of his hand before he had the chance.

"Give that back Malfoy!" He tried to grab the letter, but Draco simply took a step back and Goyle stepped forward to hold Harry away.

"What's this then? Love letter to Weasleby?" He chided, and Crabbe and Goyle joined in with their ridiculous snorting laughs.

Goyle was now holding him firmly by the shoulders, his body pressed far to close, and the feel of breath on his neck only served as a reminder of horrific occurrences past. "Get the fuck off me! NOW!" He shouted, struggling desperately, as Draco opened the letter and began reading. Harry closed his eyes, this was it, he was actually done for. Once Draco had passed that letter round school, which he undoubtedly would, then everyone would know he had had some sort of terrible past, and he was too weak and pathetic to deal with it without the assistance of a Professor.

"For crying out loud Potter, it's only bloody Transfiguration revision; anyone would have thought it was your last will and testament. I thought it would at least be a suicide note, what a disappointment." Draco looked him up and down with disgust before tearing the letter up with a smug look on his face and throwing it to the ground. "See you around Potter!" He scowled at him and wandered away, Crabbe and Goyle in tow.

Harry breathed a deep sigh of relief, he picked the pieces of paper up from the ground, thanking the heavens, and Professor Lupin, that Malfoy hadn't just got the low-down on his emotional state. But he was still shaken. He hated being touched by people without his permission, less still being held back and restrained. Again, horrific images filled his mind, memories and past injuries reared their ugly heads. He felt so weak and pathetic. He just wanted someone to talk to now, someone to make it all go away. Once he had gathered himself enough to walk straight, he set off and went back inside the castle.

Harry soon found himself standing outside Lupin's office. His heart was pounding, his hand hovering against the large, sturdy door, his eyes fixed on the plaque reading _"Prof. R J Lupin, Defence Against The Dark Arts"_. He seemed frozen to the spot, unwilling now to move, to do anything, to even make a sound.

He couldn't hear anything beyond the door. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and then tapped lightly, hating himself for doing so as soon as he had done it. After almost no time at all, his Professor opened the door swiftly, looking slightly shaken, but on seeing Harry smiled warmly.

"Harry, come in." he said gently, ushering the boy in.

Harry nervously stepped into the room, he felt himself blushing, and he hated that his face was giving away the anxiousness he felt. Lupin urged him to take a seat on a small bench at one side of the room, which he did and Lupin sat down beside him.

"So, how are you feeling?" He asked.

"um… ok… I suppose" Harry responded, not looking at the man next to him as he tried desperately to calm himself down.

"I take it you received my letter?"

Harry nodded meekly.

"I want to reiterate that I meant every word Harry. I'm exceptionally proud of you for confiding in me, in anyone – I know that cannot have been an easy thing to do."

Harry sighed. "I'm sorry Professor, I know I probably shouldn't have troubled you… it was stupid and I really wasn't thinking and-"

"Stop." Lupin cut him off mid-sentence, still employing his calm and gentle tone. "It wasn't stupid, and it's no trouble. I care about you, I really do. I don't want to see you come to any harm and I'm glad that you told me about this, I promise."

There was a long pause in which Harry stared down at his knees, feeling unbearably tense, not having a clue what to say. He felt himself shaking and hoped that Lupin wouldn't notice.

"Harry." Lupin began again, tenderly taking one of Harry's hands in his. "You've been suffering alone for a really long time. You've been subjected to some absolutely horrible things, and I know that you have been made to feel like they were at least in part your fault. But you have to believe me when I tell you it's not true. Harry, you have done nothing wrong, you are not to blame in any of this. OK?"

"B-but…" Harry felt his shaking intensify and he shifted uncomfortably in his chair. Lupin squeezed his hand a little in encouragement. "But… it wasn't like it was just out of nowhere." The man stared back at him, confused. "I mean, when he… what he – did… it was only ever as a punishment, so, if I hadn't screwed things up, it wouldn't have happened."

Harry chanced a glance at his Professor, who on hearing this looked utterly dismayed.

"Harry – when you go to stay with the Weasleys, if Ron does something wrong, do his parents beat him?"

Harry shook his head slightly.

"Do you think they should? Would that be fair on Ron?"

Harry took a little longer and once again shook his head.

There was a short silence in which this began to sink in. "If one of your friends, or anyone you knew, told you that they had been subjected to what you have, by way of punishment for not finishing something on time, or making a simple mistake – would you think they had themselves to blame?"

"No." Harry responded, surprised at how choked up he sounded. He could see what Lupin was getting at.

"Then how are you to blame?" He asked, still gentle as ever, still holding his hand comfortingly.

There was a long silence. Harry was utterly stunned, he really had never thought about it like that before. He felt a pressure building inside of him, and he didn't know what he wanted to do. Cry, scream, run, sleep? Maybe all of these things. But he had no idea what to say to his Professor.

"I… I'm not… I suppose." He uttered eventually, so quiet it almost got lost in the silence that shrouded them.

Lupin said nothing, and eventually Harry looked up at him to see him smiling sadly and nod slightly.

"Is there anything you would like to talk about?"

Harry thought about this for a long while.

"What will happen, I mean, will I have to go back?"

"No!" Lupin answered in a heartbeat. "No Harry, you'll never go back there. I daresay you will be allowed to stay here in the castle over the holidays, or I'm sure the Weasleys would be more than happy for you to stay with them."

Harry nodded, so relieved that he would never have to see that man again.

"Or, alternatively…" Lupin continued, hesitantly, after a while "you would always be welcome to stay with me. I can fully understand if you wouldn't be comfortable with that arrangement. But I would be more than happy to provide you with a home. After all… your parents asked me to care for you should anything happen to them, and it seems that I have failed you thus far, it's the least that I could do."

"Professor, you haven't failed me. I… I don't know what I would have done had if I hadn't met you. I just, I – I need someone to… to talk to. I don't want to be alone anymore." Harry felt his throat tightening as he spoke and his brow becoming painful with the pressure of trying to keep the tears at bay. He bowed his head, attempting not to let his guard down, attempting to hide the pain he felt, the years of such extreme, heart breaking loneliness and neglect that had been building up to this moment.

He felt a strong arm wrap around his shoulders and pull him inwards and he collapsed against Lupin's chest, unable to fight the torrent of pain that crashed out of him. He whimpered mournfully and brought his hands up to cover his face as he felt another arm loop around his chest and hold him close.

"I h-hate him… I hate him so mu-uch!" Harry gasped through his tears, feeling pain running through his heart as he struggled to breathe and talk and cry at once. "I j-just want it t-to go away, but it won't ever go a-away!" He let out a long, loud wail and gave up on talking and just wept uncontrollably, moving closer into his teacher's embrace, grasping the warm arm that was wrapped around his chest and burying his face in Lupin's shoulder. Everything hurt, and he couldn't help the stream of memories that pulsed through him, memories of pain, humiliation, degradation and fear.

Lupin held him tightly and gently cupped his cheek as he continued to cry his eyes out. "It's ok Harry. Let it out. I'm here for you." he incanted and stroked Harry's hair tenderly.

They stayed this way for a long time, Harry crying until he could cry no more and his loud, heart-breaking sobs slowly ebbed away. Once he was quiet again, and had truly exhausted his ability to weep Harry suspected that his Professor would break away but he didn't, and Harry was enjoying the somewhat alien feeling of being comforted. Lupin continued to hold him close and run his hand through his hair soothingly, and it wasn't until Harry began to worry that he might fall asleep that he pulled reluctantly away from his teacher's embrace.

Lupin allowed him to slide out of the embrace but stayed close by his side and rubbed his back as he accustomed himself to the feeling of no longer being held.

"I'm sorry Professor." Harry sniffed.

Lupin sighed and took one of Harry's hands again, his other hand still gently stroking Harry's trembling back. "Please call me Remus."

Harry nodded.

"And there's no need to apologise Harry. I will help you in any way that I possibly can. If you need someone to talk to, if you just need to shout or to cry I will always be here for you. That's a promise."


	8. Chapter 8: Two Lost Souls

**Hey guys! I know this one has been a long time coming – sorry about that. It's pretty short this one but I'm hoping to get the next one up either today or tomorrow. I wrote this with Wish You Were Here – Pink Floyd running round in my head. "We're just two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl, year after year. Running over the same old ground, and how we found the same old fears – wish you were here."**

Chapter Eight: Two Lost Souls

Remus hated to see Harry so upset, it simply broke his heart, as he held the boy close during his breakdown he felt tears stinging his own eyes, as well as shame and guilt coursing through him. This could have been prevented, he knew it, he knew he had failed Harry and he mentally pleaded with James for forgiveness for not helping his son before.

Eventually Harry began to sniff and pull away from him and Remus reluctantly let go, wishing he could just hold him close, keep him safe forever. He kept one hand on his back, rubbing gentle circles, a bid to let Harry know that he was secure and that he respected his trust in him.

"I'm sorry Professor." Harry sniffed.

Remus sighed, hating that Harry felt the need to apologise… and the need to call him Professor. He took one of the boy's hands with his own, his other hand still gently stroking his trembling back. "Please call me Remus… and there's no need to apologise Harry. I will help you in any way that I possibly can. If you need someone to talk to, if you just need to shout or to cry I will always be here for you. That's a promise."

Harry nodded, his eyes still forced down, away from Remus. He hated to do this to the poor boy now, but he knew that they needed to have a conversation about Harry's physical wellbeing. Some of the content of that letter had lead Remus to worry about the kind of injuries he could have sustained. Keeping a hold of his hand, Remus took a moment before gently beginning his enquiries.

"Harry – how are you feeling… physically speaking?"

Harry squirmed at this question, his face scrunched up in discomfort and he gripped Remus's hand a little firmer.

"I'm sorry, that was insensitive of me…" he continued, genuinely dismayed to have caused Harry more discomfort. "I hate to be asking at all, but I need to know if you have any injuries or issues that might require medical attention."

"No I'm fine." Harry mumbled letting go of his hand.

"Are you certain? I'm sorry that I have to insist, but I'm concerned about you. You don't need to be specific, just let me know if there is anything at all and we can get you sorted." Remus urged him, feeling awful for having to push the matter.

"I… I can't say." Harry shifted evasively even more and again his voice sounded choked with tears and even a little panicked.

Remus reached out and cupped his cheek and felt Harry lean into his touch, he gently tilted the boy's chin towards him, and he finally looked up at him through big green eyes, brimming once more with tears.

"It's alright Harry, you don't have to say anything. You can just nod or shake your head, ok?"

Harry nodded nervously biting his lower lip.

"Ok, do you have any injuries?"

There was a pause before Harry gave a minute nod of the head.

"Has anyone treated them, or tried to."

Harry shook his head slowly.

"Do you think you could handle an examination?"

"No! No please don't make me!" Harry shot out of his seat, panicked, the tears spilling over onto his face. Remus stood up immediately and placed a hand gently on one of Harry's shoulders, the other coming up to gently stroke his hair.

"Shhh, it's ok, it's alright – you don't have to do anything you're not ready or willing to do. I'm sorry, I should have waited."

Harry breathing was now a little short. "I don't want anyone else to know what happened." He bowed his head, averting his gaze from Remus.

Remus sighed, it was clear that at least on some level Harry needed medical attention, but what could he do? He couldn't force an examination on the poor boy – but he couldn't just ignore the fact he was injured in some way. Looking at him Remus could see that he was becoming agitated.

"Ugh – I'm so disgusting and pathetic." Harry pulled his hair in frustration, bent almost double, and Remus could feel the self-loathing emanating from him, he had been there – he had felt that.

He quickly grabbed both of Harry's wrists and coaxed him to release the grip on his hair, trying desperately to stop him from pulling it out. Harry had now started to shake, and was becoming sort of hysterical. He was jumpy and nervous, and kept apologising and saying that it was fine over and over.

"It's fine, it's fine, it's fine, it doesn't matter, it's fine." He seemed out of control, his eyes darted wildly around and he was shaking, he seemed on the verge of a panic attack. Remus was glad that he had hold of his wrists otherwise he was sure he would have made a run for it.

"Harry – Harry… listen to me, you need to calm down." He said firmly as Harry's breathing quickened and he fought to get away. "Just breathe slowly, let yourself relax, it's ok, you're safe here." Remus softened his voice. Suddenly realising that perhaps Harry was panicking because he was being restrained, Remus let go of his wrists and Harry immediately backed himself into a corner of the room and turned away from him, he braced his hands on either wall and faced into the corner, his breathing slowing gradually.

Remus was a rather shaken by what had just happened. He knew he was going to have to be more careful with him. He certainly didn't want to trigger this kind of reaction again. He heard Harry's breathing return to normal and then hitch in his throat as he began to cry quietly into the corner.

He walked over and slowly, gently so as not to startle him, looped his arms around Harry and turned him towards him to rest his head on his shoulder before cradling him tightly and swaying him.

He sighed. "I'm sorry Harry. I won't make you do anything you don't want to do." His voice was so soft and quiet it was barely audible.

Harry continued to cry quietly, shaking a little and nestled further into Remus's arms.

After a long while Harry drew a shuddering breath. "I just hate feeling like a victim, I want to just get on with my life, but how am I supposed to do that now?" he sounded so small and lost, and it struck Remus how much like himself Harry sounded. He remembered a conversation he'd had with James many years ago, in which he had said something along the same lines;

It had been a particularly bad transformation and the days following the full moon were utterly miserable, he had been in so much pain, he hadn't even been able to go to classes, which in itself was agony for a young Mr Lupin. James had, had a free period on the first day and had come up to the dorm room to see him and found him in tears.

"_Moony , what's wrong?"_ James strode quickly to his friends bedside.

"_I'm sorry – I'm being stupid."_ Remus had responded, working hard to get his composure back.

James sat down on the bed in front of his friend and Remus cringed, knowing full well how dreadful and beat down he looked.

"_Remy…"_ James placed a hand on his shoulder and ducked his head down to meet his gaze. _"Talk to me."_

And Remus just lost it, he blurted out everything he had been holding inside for years. Told him about the pain and the humiliation, of knowing that everyone would hate and fear him if they knew what he was, the hopelessness he felt when he thought about his future.

"_I just hate feeling so weak and pathetic all the time."_ He had sobbed.

At this point James had abandoned all masculine bravado and had put his arms around him and held him close as Remus had cried harshly through the pain. He loved his friend more than he ever had right then and thanked any deity he could think of that he was there with him at that moment, but he remembered wishing that he had someone to relate to, somebody who knew how it felt.

It occurred to Remus that perhaps that was how Harry was feeling. Perhaps it might help if he were to share his experience, show Harry that even when you feel truly alone there are always people who will love you no matter what, and that there is always hope. He was caught off guard by this sudden desire to share his burden with Harry. Could he really tell him about everything he had been through? He knew that Harry was so much like his parents, and held the same moral code, and so wasn't concerned that he might be disgusted or judgemental on finding out about his condition, but would it really help him?

"I'm so lonely." He heard Harry whimper against his shoulder, and it was decided.

He broke the hug but brought a hand up to rest in Harry's messy hair, looking into his eyes he saw only pain, and a silent plea for help. Remus knew what he needed to do.

"I want to tell you something Harry."


	9. Chapter 9: Wolves

**Again sorry for the delay – there's a lot of Remy loveliness in this chapter though so hopefully it'll make up for the lateness! I just love Remus so much. **(Once you've read this I implore you to listen to Wolves by Broken Records. It's such a sad, beautiful song and it always reminds me of Remus. I took a lot of inspiration from it for this chapter. Such a lovely song.)

Chapter Nine: Wolves

"There's something I want to tell you Harry."

Remus sounded distant and as he pulled away from him, Harry felt suddenly as if he had stumbled into something far greater than himself, he didn't know what Remus was about to tell him, but he felt sure it was something incredibly important.

Remus seemed a little stuck for words as he backed away from Harry.

"Er… why don't you come and sit down."

Harry nodded and dutifully complied; taking the seat Remus offered him at a small round table next to a large window through which Harry could see tiny flecks of rain spattering against the tiles of the nearby turret.

Remus cleared his throat and took a chair opposite Harry. Harry looked back to the man who had pledged to help him just minutes earlier, who had then seemed so strong and fully present. But now Remus was hunched in on himself, Harry could see him working things through in his head, picking the right words, trying to drown out doubt – that was it, Harry thought to himself, doubtful, he seemed very doubtful.

"When I was young Harry, very young, only about four – my father…" Remus stopped searching again for the right words and Harry's heart clattered against his chest, what was he about to become privy to?

"…had a, disagreement, shall we say, with a man named Fenrir Greyback."

Remus's face had darkened considerably and he shuddered slightly.

"In order to seek revenge on my father, Greyback, he… well, let's say he placed a curse… on me."

"A curse?" Harry enquired; mortified that anyone could curse a four year old over a mere disagreement.

"Yes, a very particular curse, one for which there is no cure." He hesitated again. "Harry, I hope that I'm doing the right thing by telling you this, you would have known, no doubt, if your parents had lived. But I want you to know now because I believe it may help you. I just hope you don't think any less of me."

"Please tell me." Harry urged, courteously.

"The curse is… is Lycanthropy." Remus's head was bowed, eyes averted from Harry's, he was visibly shaking.

"You're… you're a… a werewolf?" Harry asked, astonished.

Remus raised his head to look Harry in the eye, smiling kindly as he nodded. "Yes, regrettably, yes."

"You were bitten…" Remus nodded again, sadly. "You were just four." Harry's tone was gentle and sympathetic, he truly felt awful for Remus, not that he wished to pity him, but he had read about Werewolves and knew how painful the transformations were, not to mention the social ostracization.

"Yes, I was young, too young. But I grew up, and I learned to live with it, well, learned to ignore it for a few weeks at a time at least. But I was constantly aware that I was different, that I could not have to same life as my peers. I was home educated, and so I didn't have any friends to speak of. My relationship with my father became increasingly tenuous, by the time I left to study at Hogwarts we were no longer on speaking terms and there had been a few times that I had feared for my safety in his house."

Harry looked down, saddened to hear that this had been Remus's childhood.

"It was his guilt that did it, it ate away at him, he saw what, he believed, he had done to me; every month he was reminded that his actions had led to his Son becoming a… a monster. He blamed himself you see, and that guilt ripped him apart –he could no longer recognise the difference between me and what I became. He wanted rid of me, and I knew that he was capable of going through with it… were it not for my mother…"

He trailed off, Harry could see tears welling in his eyes.

He sniffed and dried his eyes on his sleeves. "I'm sorry Harry – I've never spoken to anyone about this really, apart from your Dad and Si… well, that doesn't matter now… it was a long time ago." Harry noticed him cut himself off but didn't want to pry.

"My Dad knew?"

"Yes, he figured it out actually." Remus remarked almost fondly. "I'd never have told them you know, your Dad and our friends, I was terrified of anyone finding out because I thought they would turn against me." He looked intently and earnestly at Harry now. "I had grown to despise myself so much, over time I began to believe that I had brought this upon myself, that I had single-handedly torn my family apart and ruined my mother's health – I hated myself, and I didn't see how anyone else could see otherwise."

Harry looked back to the window, fully understanding the true intent of Remus's words, he couldn't look him in the eye right now.

"But James, and the others, they proved me wrong. They showed me that there are things we cannot control, even within ourselves, but that is not a measure of one's worth. They taught me that to overcome adversity is the greatest achievement a man can make. They helped me through it, and at first I couldn't understand why, but after a while I began to see that it was because they cared for me, they counted me as their equal, as their friend. And that opened my eyes, I realised that I was not evil or wicked, I wasn't selfish or sordid, and I was not defined by my history."

Harry looked back towards him, his eyes filled again with tears, his heart with pride for his father – and strangely also for Remus.

"And it was your mother that taught me that it is not a failing to be flawed – it's what makes you who you are, what makes you beautiful."

Harry had tears streaming down his face now, of all the things that Remus had told him about his parents, this was the best.

Remus took Harry's hand again. "I know that it's hard to ask for help. I know that it's hard to open up, to let people see that sometimes you are vulnerable. But, from experience, I know that you've got to give those who love you a chance. And there are so many people who love you and care for you, Harry."

Harry scoffed at this, immediately regretting it as Remus's brow creased a little.

"Please believe me Harry. I can appreciate that given everything you've been through…" Harry shifted at the reminder and Remus squeezed his hand a little in response. "I can see that it might be hard to believe, hard to see your own self-worth – but you are loved, and you are cared for."

There was a brief pause in which Harry almost allowed himself to believe what he was hearing.

"Ron and Hermione, The Weasleys, Hagrid, all of your Professors care about you and are constantly telling me that you are an exceptional student. And Dumbledore cares for you immensely, he has so much respect for you, and I know that he wants more than anything for you to be safe and, above all, happy."

Harry nodded to show that he understood, he did understand, he knew that all those people loved him really, but he just couldn't feel it – perhaps because he had never really felt love. He looked up at Remus who smiled his warm, avuncular smile and moved his other hand so that now he was holding both of Harry's, looking him in the eye.

"I care for you Harry – more than I can say. I loved you from the moment your Mother and Father introduced me to you. They placed you in my arms and you were so tiny, so fragile, and I was so worried that I might break you but you opened your eyes and smiled, such a big smile – you were so happy…"

A single tear fell down Remus's face and Harry stared transfixed at him, it was the first time, he could remember, that anyone had told him they loved him.

"You know, you are my memory. It's you I think of when I conjure the patronus. A tiny, happy little you in my arms, smiling up at me."

Harry was stunned, overwhelmed to learn that he was a part of the memory Remus used, had used for years to conjure the patronus charm.

"You see – you mean the world to me. I could not bear to see you hurt, and I am so, so sorry that you have been through what you have, but please, please let me help you."

Remus reached out and tucked a clump of messy hair behind Harry's ear before bringing his hand down to cup his cheek once more. Harry leaned into his palm, feeling the warmth that emanated from him, finally beginning to understand that perhaps he did matter, and perhaps he wasn't alone anymore.

"Ok." He said quietly.

"Ok?"

"I'll… I'll have the examination."

Remus paused, seemingly in thought for a while. "That's good, Harry, I'm glad. But I want you to know that, that wasn't my reason for telling you all of this. I want you to know that you're not alone, that I'm here with you now, all you need do is ask and I will help in any way that I can."

Harry nodded and Remus moved his hand from his face, sitting back in his chair a little.

"So, will you see Madam Pomfrey, would that be alright?"

Harry cringed at the thought.

"It's just… she'd… she'd know what happened, and, I know I need to allow people to help me but… " he felt himself becoming panicked again and took a minute to control his breathing "…but she might tell someone and then if word got around… I just can't deal with everyone knowing."

"Harry, I can personally vouch for the fact that Poppy Pomfrey is the epitome of discretion. When I first came to Hogwarts there were only two people who knew about my condition; Dumbledore, and Madam Pomfrey. I was concerned at first, I knew there was a chance that she might let slip, I even thought at one time that she might resent me given the amount of extra work that I added to her already busy schedule. But she was completely professional throughout - she never breathed a word, she took care of me after my transformations, she was always gentle and quiet and understanding, I could not have wanted for a better confidant. To my knowledge she has never spoken of me to anyone and I know that if she were to treat you that she would approach you with the same respect and care."

Harry nodded. He supposed it was for the best. He would rather Madam Pomfrey healed him than someone from St Mungos or elsewhere, what would stop them from telling everyone. Besides, he had always sort of liked Madam Pomfrey, despite the fact that she was stern and a little foreboding at times.

"When I go… will, will you come with me?" Harry asked hesitantly, unsure as to whether Remus would want to be bothered with that.

"Of course I will Harry." He replied reassuringly placing a hand on Harry's arm.

There was a long pause in which Harry didn't know what to say. Though a part of him was dreading his visit to the hospital wing, another part of him was relieved that he might be able to alleviate some of the pain.

He looked up at Remus who was now gazing out of the window at the students who were returning from Hogsmeade, their loud, excitable chatter could be heard even over the wind howling intermittently around the castle. Harry took the opportunity to look a little more carefully at the man before him. His scars now fell into place – Harry had wondered initially how he had got them but thought it rude to speculate. He looked old beyond his years, his face a little more drawn than it should have been, his light brown hair already sporting flecks of silver, and his kind, subdued amber eyes were laced with wisdom and worry and a sort of longing, Harry thought. It all sort of made perfect sense now, and though Harry felt a stab of remorse, he felt an overwhelming sense of respect for the man opposite him. To go through something so painful and horrific and yet to be so calm and gentle and thoughtful, and not angry or resentful to those around him was truly astounding. Harry realised now that he had someone to look up to, to aspire to be like and with that, things seemed a little brighter.

"Thank you Remus." He said after a long while, Remus turned to look at him again. "For telling me, for trusting me, I… I want you to know that I don't think any less of you – I think so much more."

…...

(There will be a next chapter, don't worry!)


	10. Chapter 10 A: Ward

Hey guys, so my flat was broken into and I had my computer stolen a couple of weeks ago (which is why this is so late), so that's been a bit of a downer. Luckily I had all my files backed up, so my stories are safe. Needless to say I was feeling fairly rubbish when I wrote this, so be warned it's pretty bleak, I mean really fairly horrible (and LONG, so I'm splitting it into two half chapters). Again, thank you for the reviews, they definitely spur me on, keep em coming! :)

Chapter 10/A: Ward

Harry woke early from just a few hours of fitful sleep. Everyone else in the dormitory was still dead to the world, and due to the epic snoring competition that Ron and Neville appeared to be subconsciously conducting, getting back to sleep wasn't an option.

He lay awake and stared at the canopy above his bed, his mind racing with the events and revelations of the past couple of days. Aside from everything else that had happened, he was still in a mixture of shock, bewilderment and awe upon learning of Remus's Lycanthropy, and though it all made perfect sense, it still felt somehow surreal. From what Harry had read of werewolves; he gathered that they largely preferred to live in packs and many embraced their curse with a sort of unnerving relish. He recognised that this may have been a slightly unfair portrayal created by a biased media to promote antipathy towards a misunderstood race, but Harry knew that there was at least some truth to it. He could understand how it would be easier to flee from a society that shunned you so cruelly, to find refuge in those who had shared the same burden, to give in to the unruly, virile and even bloodthirsty urges that must go with being a werewolf. Harry had such admiration for Remus for what could only be an incredible strength of will. While he could have found an easier way to live with his condition - he had suffered at his own cost in order to do what he felt was right, to be true to himself, and that was utterly inspiring.

Harry rubbed his hands over his face. Today was going to be tough. Part of him wanted to run away, or to hide, or both. He trusted Remus through and through, but he wasn't so keen on Madam Pomfrey being privy to the nature of his upbringing. Harry sighed, knowing in his heart that he had to go through with it. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and reluctantly made his way to the bathroom to wash and dress. Once he got back into the room he was met by Neville, who was now awake, or at least half-awake, and gathering up some of his clothes that were strewn about the floor.

"Oh, morning Harry!"

"Hey Neville."

"How are you? I didn't see you at all yesterday."

"Yeah I was... uh, studying. How was Hogsmeade?"

Harry purposefully avoided Neville's question, though he knew it was well meant, he just didn't feel like going through the usual 'yeah I'm fine' response, somehow, he didn't feel up to lying today.

"Oh it was great..." Neville then went on at length about the delights that had been sampled in the village the day before. Harry stopped listening after a while, just nodded politely, and smiled as best he could, though his mind seemed determined to wander back to less pleasant thoughts and concerns.

Eventually Neville had come to the end of his litany of shops-visited and sights-seen, and excused himself before scuttling off into the bathroom. Harry decided to go downstairs before any of the others woke up, particularly Ron. He felt bad avoiding Ron and Hermione, but things were just so complicated and intense at the moment, the only person he wanted to see was Remus in all honesty, which was fortunate because, checking the clock, Harry saw it was time to set off to meet Remus at his office before they went to the hospital wing together.

Harry walked slowly, his shoulders tensed, his brow knitted into a frown. He didn't want to do this, he really didn't... he didn't want anyone touching him, anyone seeing his scars or knowing what had happened. He didn't want to talk about it, acknowledge it even... but he knew he had to. He had a number of wounds that had gone untreated since the summer, and though most of them had become slightly less swollen or had scabbed over or stopped hurting quite so much, he knew that he wasn't properly healed. He had been having intermittent shooting pains in his right leg, some of his teeth were chipped, there were some wounds on his back and though Harry was loathed to acknowledge it, he knew he had suffered some internal damage this summer.

Before he knew it Harry had arrived at Remus's office. He sighed deeply, rubbing some sleep out of his eyes and taking his last opportunity to mentally prepare himself for the coming day. Eventually he lifted a hand to tap gently on the door.

"Come in!" Remus's voice sounded from the other side.

Harry timidly opened the door slightly and slid through it, checking first that no one was watching him. Once he was in the room he saw Remus sitting at his desk, quill in hand, scribbling away on some parchment. He looked up and smiled kindly at Harry.

"Close the door Harry." He said and then requested he take a chair on the opposite side of the desk.

"Sorry about this Harry, I'll be with you in just a moment."

Harry sat awkwardly across from Remus as he continued scrawling for a short while before reading through what he had just written. Harry didn't know whether or not he was just being paranoid, but he felt as though whatever had just been written down had something to do with him. He gripped the side of his chair at the thought of being discussed by the 'grown ups', it just made him feel so small and pathetic and undignified.

Remus put his quill down and looked back up at Harry smiling his usual tired, warm smile.

"Sorry about that. Did you sleep well?"

"Um, yeah." Harry lied, Remus looked at him a little disbelievingly.

"Have you had any breakfast?"

Harry shook his head.

"You really ought to eat something, Harry." Remus urged.

"I'm really not hungry... to be honest my stomach feels like it's been thrown about on a rollercoaster." Harry admitted sheepishly.

Remus stared back at him a little confused. "Rollercoaster?"

"Oh, yes, it's a muggle thing... it doesn't matter, I just, I don't think I could handle breakfast, I'm feeling kind of um..."

"Nervous?"

"Terrified." Harry responded meekly.

Remus sighed and got up, rounding the desk, and then leaning against it just in front of Harry. His hands reaching down into his pockets, his wistful gaze falling on Harry's troubled expression.

"I think that's perfectly understandable." He remarked softly.

Harry scoffed. "Yeah - I can face up to an army of giant spiders and a twenty foot snake without batting an eyelid but I somehow just can't handle a stupid medical checkup... that makes perfect sense."

Remus smiled fondly, making a mental note to ask about that later. "I know you must get sick of this, but you're so like James."

Harry sighed. He didn't get sick of it, he liked to know that he was like his Dad, he just wished he was here with him, and that hurt like hell.

"You'll be fine Harry. You're here after all... that's half the battle." Remus continued. "And you're totally in control here. If there's anything you're not comfortable with, just say the word and we'll figure something out. You can take all the time you need. And I promise I'll be there through the whole thing."

Harry looked down, ashamed again for some reason. "Thanks."

There was a pause before Remus sighed again slightly. "Come on then, we'd best get going. I hope you don't mind but I already informed Madam Pomfrey that you'd be visiting today, I wasn't specific, I just wanted to make sure she'd be able to see you." Harry nodded and stood up shakily before allowing Remus to guide him out of the room and towards the hospital wing.

The corridors were quiet, empty but for a few members of faculty, Harry figured that everyone else would probably be in the great hall. He felt bad, thinking about Ron and Hermione, not having left them a note or anything, wondering if they would worry. But then he had noticed the two of them becoming closer, not necessarily better friends, but just more in step with one another. For the first time since he had met them he had started to notice occasions where he felt a little left out. It didn't bother him really, but he worried that perhaps they had outgrown him, or he had become too distant, too troubled.

"Are you ok Harry?"

Remus's voice broke Harry from his thoughts, and looking around he realised that they had almost reached the hospital wing, which filled him with a fresh sense of panic.

"I'm fine." He responded, summoning every last drop of Gryffindor courage, he knew he would need it to get through this. He knew it was going to be awful. Remus said nothing but Harry could feel his eyes on him.

All to soon they reached the entrance of the large open plan hospital, though Harry was relieved to see it completely empty. Only Madam Pomfrey sat at the far end of the room looking through some papers.

Harry stood awkwardly at Remus's side, not knowing whether he should go ahead of him, whether he should address Madam Pomfrey himself or wait for Remus to do so. He didn't even know what he would say to her. He felt himself becoming extraordinarily anxious, his heart beating wildly in his chest, his breath quickening slightly... and he heard the all too familiar voice in his head shouting 'run.'

Remus seemed to notice Harry's turmoil as he placed a hand gently on his back. "It'll be fine Harry, I know it's difficult, but try to relax as best you can."

Harry felt anything but relaxed, he felt on the brink of a full blown panic attack, his head was swimming, he felt slightly dizzy and everything suddenly felt far too close. He felt Remus usher him gently through the doorway into the room.

"Why don't you sit down here," Remus urged Harry to sit down on the edge of one of the beds near the middle of the room. "I'll go and speak to Madam Pomfrey, okay?"

Harry nodded, trying to even out his breathing. Looking up, he saw Remus stride over to her, while she had already noticed them entering the room and had stood up and tidied away the documents she'd been reading. When Remus greeted her, Harry noticed how much her eyes lit up, almost as though he was her long lost friend that she had not seen for a very long time. But soon the joy faded from her eyes and she cast a glance at Harry who then looked down to the floor, swinging his feet slightly, knowing fine well what was being discussed right now. Remus was talking in his usual calm, quiet voice so he couldn't hear what was being said, but he could imagine. He gripped the bed sheets, digging his nails into the mattress, trying to rid himself of these awful feelings. Feelings of dread, embarrassment, anger and shame.

After a while Remus walked back over while Madam Pomfrey disappeared into another room just off the main room. Remus sat down on the bed next to Harry and smiled wistfully.

"This was always my preffered bed in the hospital while I was at Hogwarts..." He pressed the mattress down in a fashion that would suggest he was testing it's springiness. "I can't remember why now."

Harry smiled weakly. "Did you tell her?" He was quite startled by how small he sounded.

"I didn't go into any great detail but I informed her of the general situation. I thought it would be easier than making you go through it with her yourself."

Harry nodded again, he wasn't sure which was worse, he didn't enjoy being discussed by others, but at the same time he had no idea what he would have said to her had Remus left it all up to him.

"She has sworn to keep your confidence... and she will, I promise you, anything that you tell Madam Pomfrey or I today, it stays in this room."

Again Harry nodded. "What's going to happen now?"

"Well, first Madam Pomfrey will perform an examination. It's not like a muggle examination, all she'll do is cast a diagnostic spell and she'll then have access to all your medical history. She'll also be able to decide what treatment you need, and then administer it. Does that sound ok?"

"...I suppose." Harry said, but the shudder that followed betrayed how ill at ease he really felt.

Just then Madam Pomfrey walked over with her wand and parchment and a quill in hand.

"Well Mr Potter, how are you feeling this morning?" She asked, a little of her usual brusqueness vanished from her demeanour.

"Um, ok." Harry answered quietly, averting his gaze.

"Professor Lupin tells me you may have one or two injuries, so I'm just going to run a diagnostic spell - all that entails is a light tap of the wand on your head, otherwise you should just feel a bit of a tingling sensation. Is that ok?"

Harry nodded, mentally thanking her for making no mention of how he acquired these 'one or two injuries'. As Madam Pomfrey got the enchanted quill and parchment ready to record the diagnosis's, Remus stood up to get out of the way, and Harry suddenly felt somewhat bereft at the loss of his presence beside him.

"Professor?" He uttered quietly before he could stop himself.

Remus sat down in the chair beside the bed and quickly took one of Harry's hand's in his own.

"I'm right here." He assured the boy gently.

Harry took some more deep breaths, trying to reason with himself, maybe this wouldn't be too bad, he just hoped that it was quick.

"Ok, all set, may I begin Mr Potter?" The Matron asked kindly.

Remus squeezed his hand a little and Harry nodded, focusing on the warmth and comfort emanating from Remus's hand. He tried hard to block out the tingling feeling that now flooded through him, and the scratch of the quill against parchment.

The tingling began to dissipate until it was completely gone and Harry felt a little relieved, however the quill did not stop for some time. The sound of it scrawling against the parchment in the echoing silence of the empty ward was agonising. Harry knew fine well that no one's medical history should take that long to record and glancing over once at Remus he saw him looking at the quill with a remorseful expression.

Finally the quill halted and the Matron set it down on the side table and looked to the parchment. She began reading through it as both Harry and Remus watched her with a sort of dread. Her face became more and more grave as she read on until eventually she turned away and paced a little further away from the bed, an attempt to conceal her emotions.

Remus's thumb swept over Harry's knuckles and he occasionally squeezed his hand slightly, though neither said anything. Eventually the Matron sighed and returned over to them, parchment in hand. She opened her mouth to say something, and then clearly rethinking, started on a different track.

"Harry, I'm going to read out the diagnosis for all of your current, significant injuries. Would you like Professor Lupin to stay."

"Yes." Harry answered quickly, gripping his hand a little tighter.

"Ok. Well you have a number of lacerations on your back, shoulders and upper arms, some of which haven't healed properly and a few of which are slightly infected. You have also fractured your fibular, which is one of the bones in the lower leg, your right leg. It's not a bad break but it will need some attention. You have some nasty, quite deep cuts on your inner thighs, again many of these haven't healed and are quite badly infected." Harry felt Remus squeeze his hand. "You also have some... internal damage, there was some bleeding around your ribs, stomach and in the anal canal, you also have quite a nasty infection from some tearing in that area, but nothing that can't be healed."

Harry's heart was beating out of control, he wanted to shout, to run, to never have to think about what Vernon had done to him again, but now it was all he could think about, and all he could see was the pained, distraut look on Remus's face as he let his head fall into his hand.

"You are also suffering from malnutrition, sleep depravation and night terrors."

Harry nodded, his head hanging down, shame coursing through him. He felt so very wrong, so unclean all of a sudden. He didn't think he could look either of them in the eye ever again now.

"I'll treat your cuts with a salve which will clear the infection and help them to heal much quicker, and will hopefully alleviate some of the scaring. Your leg can be healed with a relatively simple potion, which I'll get you to take first. That should heal the fracture but it may still be a little sore to walk on for a while. The internal bleeding around your ribs and stomach has probably all but healed on it's own now but there is still some nasty bruising, for which I can give you some pain medication."

Harry nodded, listening intently but becoming increasingly concerned about the amount of physical contact this entailed.

"As for the malnutrition and the sleep depravation I would like to put you onto a course of two potions which should get you back on track, but you need to try and eat a little more, and eat regularly." A little more tenderness edged into her voice then; "For the night terrors, you may find that they would be best resolved by talking through what has happened, with someone you trust."

Harry sighed, he would really rather not talk about it, he felt sure that would just make it worse. He wasn't even happy that the nightmares had shown up on his list of ailments, that was private, no one needed to know about that.

Madam Pomfrey paused briefly before taking a seat on the bed beside Harry. Looking into her eyes he could see her features had softened somewhat, her normal severity now gone.

"As for the tearing and infection in your anal canal... I will need to perform a procedure that involves some internal treatment, it will be very quick and I promise I won't hurt you."

"No, no - no way!" Harry shot to his feet and backed away into the middle of the ward, panic rising steadily, the compulsion to flee fast overcoming his willpower to stay.

"Harry." Remus uttered softly rising to his feet before looking down at a saddened Madam Pomfrey. "Could you give us a moment?"

She nodded and arose, heading back to the room she had been into before, but first gave Harry a small apologetic look. Once she had closed the door gently behind her Remus made his way over to Harry, who now had his arms wrapped around himself protectively and was making pains to avoid another panic attack.

"I know this is tough..."

"Tough?" Harry gasped. "I... I can't... I can't let her, anyone, do that to me, no! It's not happening."

Tears were now forming in the corners of his vision, clouding his view of his very concerned Professor standing before him. Remus clearly noticed this and reached out, placing one hand on his back and one behind his head and pulling him into a tender hug.

Harry huffed in frustration and dread against Remus's chest, but found that some of his tension did ease away as Remus stroked his back and ran his fingers through his hair.

"I'm so sorry Harry. I'm sorry that we even have to be here, and that you're facing this; because I know what we're asking is just awful, but you do need to be healed." His voice was soft and quiet, and Harry found his anger slowly dissipating to leave just an incredible sense of hopelessness.

"This kind of infection can't be left untreated, if it is you could get really sick, and I can't let that happen Harry." Remus held him a little tighter.

"It's not fair." Harry whispered into the fabric of Remus's jumper.

"I know. I know." he replied sadly.

They remained that way for a few minutes before Remus led Harry back over to the bed and urged him to sit down again.

"I... I'll do it." Harry stumbled with the words he desperately didn't want to say, his eyes closed and brow knitted in anxiousness.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and he opened his eyes to meet Remus's gentle gaze. "I'm very proud of you Harry, and I promise it'll be ok.


	11. Chapter 10 B: Anchored in the Darkness

Chapter 10/ B: Anchored in the Darkness

There was a long silence in which Harry didn't know what to say, he heard the wind howling outside, and the faint sound of birds that nested in various sections of the castle walls.

"Shall I fetch Madam Pomfrey?" Remus rubbed his shoulder a little. Harry nodded feebly, though he had now fully resigned himself to what was going to happen, what had to happen. "Ok." Remus stood up and walked silently over to the side room where the Matron had been patiently waiting.

Harry heard the door open and Remus saying something though he couldn't tell what, and then there was the clink of glass vials and the general sound of movement. After a while Remus came back over carrying what looked like a sheet.

"Can you put this on Harry?" Remus handed him the sheet, which actually turned out to be a hospital gown, he looked at it for a while before sighing and nodding.

Remus pulled the curtain around his bed to give him some privacy while he changed, he did so and then sat back on the bed, giving himself a moment alone before he told Remus he was finished.

Remus came around the curtain and sat back down in the chair and was shortly followed by Madam Pomfrey who was carrying a tray with a number of medical items on it, which she rested on the table and then turned to Harry.

"Okay Harry, how are you feeling about all of this." She asked, and it was a question which threw him slightly.

He glanced at Remus before responding "Not great... but I understand it has to happen. I... I'd rather just get it over and done with."

"Okay, well, I'm going to get you to take some potions first if that's alright. The first is a vitamin supplement and the second will help to counteract the malnutrition, once you've taken that one you should feel more alert and a little stronger. The third is a pain numbing potion for your cuts and bruises and the fourth is the one which will mend and strengthen your leg bone."

Harry nodded. And Madam passed him the first potion, which tasted fowl, the second one was not quite as detestable, but the third actually made him wretch a little. Remus poured a glass of water for him which he accepted gratefully. The fourth potion surprisingly had no taste whatsoever, and almost as soon as he had swallowed it he felt a sort of dull ache in his leg, then a kind of heat and then a slightly sharper pain which slowly subsided away until his leg felt perfectly normal again. Madam Pomfrey asked him to walk about for a while and he did and found that his leg no longer hurt, for which he was thankful. It hadn't been a terrible pain, and Madam told him he had probably just chipped the bone, but it had still been very uncomfortable, and after a long day of walking to classes and Quidditch practise he often found himself in a considerable amount of pain.

"And how about your ribs, do they hurt less now?" Madam asked.

Harry nodded, though he had sort of gotten used to the shooting ache he experienced every time he moved a little to swiftly.

"Ok, if you could just sit back on the bed, Harry." Harry complied and Matron sat down beside him.

"I think it might be best to look at the infected cuts on your legs first, and then I really do need to treat your internal injuries." Harry squirmed, discomfort and embarrassment filling him. "Because there's an infection it's really important that we deal with it now. I promise it will be very quick, and it will only hurt a little bit. Ok?"

Harry's heart was thumping hard against his chest but he nodded dutifully.

"Ok, if I could just get you to lie back for me..." Harry cast a worried glance to Remus but did as instructed "that's it. All I'm going to do is apply some salve and cleansing spell to the cuts on your legs and that'll help them to heal over and the scarring should go away too."

Madam reached over to the tray and picked up a jar, during which time Harry felt Remus take his hand again and hold it gently with both of his.

"I'm just going to move your gown up a little bit is that ok?" Madam asked softly.

Harry felt a sudden stab of panic again and found himself clutching the bedsheets out of fear whilst hesitantly nodding, his eyes falling closed, trying to block out the fact this was happening.

Madam moved his gown up away from his thighs to reveal several large, red, sore wounds that looked sickeningly deliberate. Harry shuddered as memories clouded his mind. There was no where to run from them now, no way he could block out the past, and he let out an inadvertent whimper.

"It's ok Harry, you're safe here." he heard Remus's voice, it sounded distant and sad, he opened his eyes to see Remus was now perched on the side of the bed, facing him, sitting protectively over him, still holding his hand and now stroking his hair in a bid to calm him.

Harry felt the cold salve being applied to his wounds, it stung a little, but it was the indignity that really hurt, being touched, being out of control. He tensed as he felt Madam's hands working higher up his legs and his breathing quickened a little, his eyes darting worriedly.

"It's alright, Harry, it'll be over soon." Remus incanted quietly before cupping his cheek.

"Ok, almost done Harry." Madam inputted.

Harry worked hard to keep his breath steady, trying not to panic, trying to take Remus's assurances to heart, but he just couldn't escape how trapped he felt. Finally he felt the stinging cease and Madam's hands move away from him.

"That's much better, theres no more trace of infection and you shouldn't be left with any scarring whatsoever." Madam moved back over to the tray and replaced the salve before retrieving more medical items and moving back to the end of the bed.

"Ok Harry, I'm going to heal the internal tearing now and do a cleansing spell that will eradicate any infection. It might hurt a little bit but only takes about three minutes at most, if at any point you want me to stop or if it hurts too much then let me know and I will stop ok?"

Harry nodded, trying to fight the tears that were swelling in his eyes.

He felt madam move his gown up higher and any scrap of dignity he had left was totally gone, he leaned into Remus's palm which was still cupping his cheek, closing his eyes tightly.

Madam then bent his knees up and parted his legs slightly and he couldn't hold back the tears any longer, he whimpered quietly and began to cry. Remus lifted his hand and pressed a kiss to his knuckles before holding it against his chest. "It's ok, you're doing really well, shhh." He asserted.

"I'm going to start now Harry, hold on tight to Remus's hand, it'll be over soon."

Harry felt something cool and hard, metallic, entering him and let out a loud sob that echoed throughout the ward. The tears he had been attempting to keep at bay could be held back no longer; and after a short while he could hardly breath because he was crying so hard. He was vaguely aware of Remus stroking his hair and holding his hand in a bid to calm him down, but all he could really focus on that there was something inside of him, and he was in no control whatsoever.

Feverishly vivid memories of the last day of summer flooded back to him, and it was horribly real. He could feel Vernon's breath on his neck, his hands on him, his weight against him. He found himself so totally lost in the horror of his memories that he didn't notice himself slipping into another panic attack, this one was the worst yet, worse even than the one in Remus's office yesterday. He was suddenly aware that he couldn't breath, and the more he tried to do so the more panicked he became. Remus was now standing over him holding both of his shoulders and encouraging him to breath slowly. Madam appeared at his side and passed him a brown paper bag, instructing him to breath into it steadily, which Remus helped him to do and eventually he found himself regaining all of his senses, his awareness of what was going on coming back into focus.

"That's it, just breath deeply, try to relax - you're doing really well Harry." Remus took the bag away and stroked Harry's hair again. "Madam Pomfrey is nearly done, she just needs to finish up and then you can have a bit of a rest."

Harry still had tears streaming down his face, but nodded for Madam to continue and tried to soak up all the comfort he could from Remus stroking his hair and face and all the while talking to him, reassuring him. It was grounding to be able to fixate on his voice. It became like an anchor for Harry in that moment, as long as Remus's benevolent, gentle voice was there to concentrate on, he found his mind didn't wander to other, less pleasant matters.

"All done now." He heard Madam Pomfrey say and move away from him, feeling himself now free from any obtrusions.

Remus continued to comfort him as Madam Pomfrey pulled his gown back down and tidied away some of the equipment before coming back with another jar of salve.

"Ok sweetheart. We're almost completely done, I just need to treat the cuts on your back and then I can leave you to get some rest."

Harry nodded. He felt completely emotionally exhausted, he didn't know if he could take much more of this. He hated being touched, being seen naked or even half clothed, and he knew that Madam was just trying to help, and that she was medically trained and meant him no harm, but he hated her right now.

"This is probably going to be easiest if you stand up. Do you think you can?" She asked sympathetically.

Harry shakily sat up on the bed and swung his legs off the side. Remus helped him to stand up and placed Harry's hands on his shoulders.

"You can lean against me." He said gently, guiding Harry to lean into him. Harry nestled his head into the crook of the taller man's neck, one of Remus's hands coming to rest on the back of his head, the other holding his right hand where it lay on his shoulder.

Harry did feel more relaxed, but still shaken. He hated that he could feel a lump in his throat again, and the urge to cry his eyes out building once more. He tried to concentrate on the warmth oozing from his Professor as he felt Madam start to untie the strings of his gown at the back. Once more he felt horribly exposed, and whimpered slightly against Remus's collar bone.

"I'm just going to rub a salve into the cuts, Harry, it shouldn't hurt too much and it'll make you feel a bit better." Madam began to rub the salve onto his back and it did sting enough for him to wince a little and whimper again, causing Remus to squeeze his hand a little tighter. It wasn't long before she was finished and she proceeded to retie Harry's gown around him.

"All done, thank you Harry, you can get some rest now and then later you can go back to your dormitory." He heard her say, though he still had his head buried in Remus's shoulder.

"Thank you." Remus whispered, which was followed by the sound of the curtain swooshing as Madam Pomfrey exited.

"Well done, you coped really well." Remus whispered softly as he stroked Harry's hair.

Harry remained silent but curled his head further into his chest, trying not to cry again.

"I'm so proud of you, you know?"

Harry nodded meekly feeling his jaw tensing against the pain in his chest and felt the hurt in his heart strengthen with every beat.

"Thank you for staying with me." He uttered quietly as he burst into tears.

Remus pulled him a little closer and then looped his arms around him, holding his small, shuddering frame tightly against his chest. "It's ok... it's ok. Let it out Harry, you don't have to be brave." He incanted softly before placing a gentle kiss to he top of his head, continuing to hold him close and stroke the back of his hair as Harry's crying worsened, and he heaved with sobs, gasping for breath as he wept, all of the pain and humiliation had suffered, not just today, but in his whole damn miserable existence, flooded out in a gush of tears. He cried so hard that his jaw ached and his throat felt hoarse. Remus swayed him gently and continued to reassure him whilst holding him close in his strong arms.

He cried for a long time, he couldn't even try to be strong anymore, holding nothing back, he wept until he felt too thoroughly exhausted to continue, though the sorrow had not gone away.

Remus eventually moved his arm down to the back of Harry's knees and lifted him up, with great ease, and placed him gently down on the bed, and Harry instinctively turned onto his side and curled up. As Remus pulled away from him, he grabbed his wrist. "Please don't go! Please... can you stay with me, just for a while?"

"Of course I can, it's alright. I'm not going anywhere."

Harry relaxed slightly at this reassurance and closed his eyes, he felt Remus pulling the covers up over his shoulders before he bent down and placed a kiss on his forehead. He felt fingers sweeping gently through his hair before coming to entwine with his own.

"Try to get some sleep." Remus whispered, but Harry was already out like light


	12. Chapter 11: What Should Have Been

**Yeah this chapter is basically just further Remus-worship, that pretty much sums things up, enjoy.**

Chapter 11: What Should Have Been

Remus watched Harry sleep for a while; the calm, silent child in the bed a stark contrast to the boy who had been crying himself to exhaustion in his arms just moments ago. It had been awful, he knew it was going to be, but having to watch Harry's emotional turmoil as he was subjected to further pain and humiliation was almost unbearable. He hated himself a little for having made him go through it, but he knew it had to happen, that it was in his best interests.

He reached down and stroked a strand of hair away from Harry's still tear stained face. Seeing Harry so small and vulnerable like this broke his heart. No boy of thirteen should have had to go through what he had, to have to live with the memories, the scars, the constant reminders. Remus found himself shedding silent tears for what could have been, if only James and Lily had lived, or if he had gone to check up on Harry - this could so easily have been prevented, and he hated himself for that.

Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder, he turned to see Madam Pomfrey standing over him, a sympathetic smile adorning her face.

"I'm sorry Remus, I didn't mean to startle you." She said.

"No, don't worry, you didn't, I suppose I'm just a little on edge today." he replied, quietly so as not to wake Harry. He looked back down to the boy and stroke his hair gently again. "He will be ok, won't he?"

"Physically speaking, he will be absolutely fine, but... he will need a lot of help."

Remus nodded, his fingers moving lightly over Harry's scar, causing the boy to shudder slightly in his sleep, and Remus to move his hand away.

"Remus, you really do need to inform Dumbledore." Madam Pomfrey interjected.

Remus sighed. "I know... and I will, I just..."

There was a pause, Remus was reluctant to go against Harry's wish for secrecy, but he knew that at some point he would have to inform Dumbledore of the situation. Harry couldn't go back to that house ever again, and Dumbledore was the only person who could ensure that.

"...I need to talk to Harry first."

"Of course." Madam Pomfrey handed Remus two small glass vials, one containing a light grey potion, the other a dark red one. "When he wakes up, could you ask him to take these. They're for the malnutrition and sleep depravation, his body needs to be stabilised. To be honest I'm surprised he hasn't suffered major exhaustion, the poor thing." Madam looked down at the sleeping Harry with an earnest, caring look. "He'll need to pick up his prescription from me twice a week, but other than that he won't need anymore medical attention. Though..." She paused.

"Go on." Remus erred her to continue.

"He may benefit from talking to a professional. Someone who can help him work through what's happened. I don't doubt that you're doing your best, but he could benefit from speaking to someone with some experience in these matters."

Remus found himself a little annoyed at this assertion. Though he respected her and trusted her to the ends of the earth, he resented her implication that he couldn't help Harry... though a small part of him knew that she was probably right.

"I'll talk to him about it. But not today. He needs to rest." Remus went back to stroking his hair, almost protectively.

Madam Pomfrey said nothing, but gave his shoulder a small comforting squeeze before she left. Remus stayed for a long time while Harry slept peacefully. Eventually he felt sleep creeping up on him as well, his eyelids beginning to droop and his head falling to rest on the back of the chair. His eyes had been closed only a few seconds when he was startled back to reality by a small whimpering sound.

Snapping his eyes open he looked down toward Harry who was still fast asleep, but his eyelids fluttered and he was frowning slightly. Remus continued to watch him, strangely transfixed. After a while he began to wonder if he had just imagined the sound, but eventually Harry shifted slightly and whimpered again before curling further in on himself.

"no... no..." he muttered quietly.

"Harry." Remus said softly, trying not to startle him awake.

"...please..." Harry whined helplessly.

"Harry." Remus repeated a little more forcefully - though he was wary of shocking Harry awake, he knew from personal experience how it felt to be shocked out of a nightmare and it was not pleasant.

Harry was now flailing slightly, his legs moving as though he were kicking feebly at some invisible assailant. He rocked from side to side and was steadily pleading. "Please, please... no...NO!"

Remus stood up and put his arms on Harry's shoulders, an attempt to stop him from hurting himself. However this just made Harry kick harder and shout. "HARRY!" Remus shouted finally.

Harry's eyes snapped open and on seeing Remus he recoiled, backing away from him, a look of terror scrawled across his face.

"It's ok, Harry, it's me. It's ok." Remus spoke softly, holding his hands up. "It was just a bad dream."

Harry eyed him suspiciously, still gasping for breath after the shock of waking so suddenly, gradually his features softened, but then crumpled as he began to cry, his head hanging down and his shoulders shaking a little.

Remus slowly moved forward and carefully put his arms around him, resting his head on his shoulder once more and rocking him back and forth slowly. "It's alright, shhh, you're safe now."

Harry cried quietly for a short while before his breathing returned to normal and he shakily pulled away from his professor. Remus looked at him worriedly and swiped a strand of hair away form his face.

"How are you feeling?" He asked warmly.

"Um... Ok, I suppose." Harry answered quietly, his hands picking at the blanket that was covering him, eyes averted.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Remus rubbed Harry's shoulder a little.

Harry shook his head and bit his lip, Remus could see tears beginning to form in his eyes again, and so pulled him back into his arms, cradling him as he buried his head in the crook of his neck and cried softly a little longer.

"I'm so sorry." Harry stammered as he cried.

"Shh, don't be sorry, it's ok." Remus stroked his hair as he continued to hold him.

"It's not ever going to go away, ever... I don't know what I'm going to do." Harry wailed as his crying worsened a little. "I can't do this anymore."

Remus held Harry by the shoulders and moved back out of the embrace.

"Look at me Harry." He implored, but Harry's face remained cast down. Remus gently tilted his chin up with one hand, their eyes met and Remus's heart broke yet again for the loneliness and sorrow he saw there. "You're not alone anymore. I know this hurts Harry, I know it does, but it will get easier with time, I promise. It may take a long while yet, but I will be there to help you, every step of the way." He brought his hand up to wipe tears away from Harry's face before cupping his cheek. "You don't need to be frightened, I will protect you in every way that I can, I will help you to heal, help you to overcome this. Whenever you need to talk, or if you just need someone to be with, I will always be there. I promise you this."

Harry nodded slightly, a final tear trickling down his face. Remus reached inward and kissed him on the forehead before cradling him in his arms once more. Remus rested his head atop of Harry's and sighed sadly, feeling Harry's arms snaking around his waist and holding on to him tightly.

"Thank you." he whispered shakily.

They stayed that way for a while before Harry pulled back, wiping his face.

"Do you want to get some more rest?" Remus asked rubbing his back.

Harry shook his head again. "No, I can never sleep after the dreams."

Remus's heart sank, that would explain the sleep depravation, he reasoned.

"Why don't you get dressed then, and I'll walk you back to the common room."

"Ok." He responded, Remus passed him the clothes he'd come in and then went around the curtain.

"Remus?" Harry asked from the other side of the partition.

"Yes?"

"What time is it?"

"Half past three." He responded, rather dumfounded himself at how quickly the hours had passed.

Just then Harry drew the curtains back, he was fully dressed in his scruffy jeans and baggy jumper, he certainly didn't take as much care over his appearance as James had, Remus thought fondly, and smiled to himself to think that perhaps it was a little of his own influence. An implausible a thought as it was, it still gave him a warm feeling.

Remus helped Harry to make the bed and then gave him the two potions Madam Pomfrey had brought for him. Harry took both and then they left, walking leisurely in the direction of the Gryffindor tower. Neither said anything for a while, until Remus spoke up.

"Harry, I wonder if you could perhaps come to my office, just for a few minutes. I know you're probably sick of the sight of me by now, but there's just one thing I think we should discuss."

"Ok." Harry responded indifferently.

Soon they arrived back at Remus's office, after offering Harry a seat and a cup of tea they both sat at the table they had sat at just yesterday when Remus had revealed his Lycanthropy to Harry.

"I know it's been a really tough day for you Harry and you probably would rather discuss this at another time, but I think it's perhaps best if we talk about this sooner rather than later."

Harry nodded glumly and Remus wondered whether or not he knew what he was about to ask.

"We need to ensure that you never go back to that house, but, in order to do that there needs to be a case against your Uncle." Remus spoke softly, aware of how his words could wound.

Harry shuddered slightly, but nodded.

"The only course of action that I can suggest would be to inform Dumbledore of the situation."

"But..." Harry began, but then stopped himself.

"Go on."

"I just. I don't... I can't tell him. I don't want him to know everything that happened, I never wanted anyone to know and now... it just feels like everyone will know." Harry had his arms wrapped around himself.

"Harry, I know that I'm asking a lot, and the last thing I want is for you to feel uncomfortable, or that you're out of control. But it's important that he is prosecuted, otherwise I don't see any way of you not having to go back. I really am sorry, but, this too must happen."

Harry looked out of the window again, frowning slightly, and Remus was worried that he was angry with him. "I know. I mean, part of me really wants to see him pay and I don't want to go back, but, I just, I kind of still feel like this is... my fault. And if people find out about what happened then they'll think that I'm disgusting and I deserved it."

Remus sighed, concern mounting "Nobody would ever think that. None of this is your fault, you did nothing to deserve this Harry, nothing. Nobody would think any less of you for this."

Harry shuddered again slightly.

"If... if we inform Dumbledore, then the only other people who would ever know anything would be a high security court of about 10 people at most, people you would never have to meet. It could be sorted within a couple of weeks. I'm not trying to tell you it would be easy, but it really wouldn't be as bad as you think." Remus attempted to reassure him.

"I know, I know... and I... I'm ok with telling Dumbledore really, I suppose. It's just... God, it's so stupid." Harry put his head in his hands.

Remus reached over the small table and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Tell me."

"They're the only family I have left now, and I know it's not much of a family, and I know they hate me, but if I do this, then... then there's literally no one..." Harry tried to blink back more tears and Remus felt guilt stab at his stomach. For putting Harry through all of this in one day. He reached out and held both of the boy's hand's in his own, feeling Harry grasping back, like his was a lifeline.

"Harry. When you were a baby, after..." Remus felt a lump form in his throat, thinking about the night that he lost everything "...after your parents died; I fought so hard for custody over you. I used to look after you a lot, when your Mum and Dad were out, or working. All in all I had been a far greater influence in your life than the Dursleys ever had, and I knew that you should have been brought up in the wizarding community. But, because of the blood wards the protect your Aunt's house and, of course, my condition, Dumbledore had no choice but to send you to your Aunt's. After that I fell apart. I literally had nothing else to live for. I knew that Dumbledore did what he had to do, did what he truly believed would be best for you, but I resented him none-the-less." Remus felt a couple of stray tears slide down his face, he tried to avoid thinking about that period of his life as far as possible.

"As far as I was concerned, we were family, and we still are. James was a brother to me, and I will still fight for you Harry. You may not have blood relatives, but you have me, and I love you more than they could ever begin to fathom." Remus stopped himself, worried perhaps that he had gone a little overboard. But Harry lifted his head and met his gaze.

"Really?" He asked disbelievingly.

"Of course Harry." Remus moved his hand up and wiped tears away from Harry's face.

Harry smiled, and it was the first time in the past three days that Remus felt anything close to happiness.

"Ok." Harry said after a while. "Dumbledore should know... but... could you speak to him first. I, I really don't know what I would say."

"Of course I can, if that's what you really want." Remus replied softly.

Harry nodded. "Ok." Remus replied and squeezed his hand. "I really am so proud of you, and I know your Mum and Dad would be too."

Harry gave him a tearful smile and nodded. They stayed there for another hour or so, talking things over. Eventually Harry's stomach rumbled loudly and Remus laughed a little, telling him to go down to the great hall for dinner. Harry complied, but not before thanking Remus again. After he left Remus completely broke down. He was caught off guard by how much all of this had affected him, and how well he had managed to compose himself throughout the day. He cried for a long time, for Harry, for James and Lily, for himself for all those years he had spent destitute and alone, wishing that things could have been different... he even shed tears for Sirius. But he resolved now to make things right, to ensure what should have been done years ago was put into place. He was going to make sure Harry would never suffer again, and with that he marched straight out of his office to see Dumbledore.


	13. Chapter 12: Face Value

Remus talks with Dumbledore about Harry's past and his imminent future. I kind of feel like this chapter is a bit dull, so I'm very sorry about that. I'm also not sure that I quite captured Dumbledore right, hopefully the next chapter will be better (and swifter.) Thanks for reading and reviewing, you people are lovely and totally splendiferous.

Chapter 12: Face Value

Remus knocked on the inner door to Dumbledore's office, he knocked a little harder than he usually would have, causing him to wince a little, but ultimately put it down to the stresses of the day.

"Come in Remus." Dumbledore's warm, avuncular voice came from within and Remus dutifully pushed the door open and entered, still as bewildered as ever by the Headmaster's innate ability to tell who was behind a door at any given time.

"Professor Dumbledore." He greeted him, walking into the room and taking the seat that Dumbledore offered him.

"You are upset, Remus." The old man said astutely, though he had his back to him and was currently feeding Fawkes some pumpkin seeds.

"Yes, it's Harry." Remus replied, rather quietly.

Dumbledore turned to face him. "Harry?"

"It's... well..." Now that Remus found himself face to face with his former head master and current employer, he found his words came slowly, clumsily. "His relatives, they... they abused him, they tortured him." Some of his anger began to resurface, thinking about reading the letter, thinking about today in the ward and what Harry had, had to endure. He found that he was shaking with a barely suppressed fury.

Dumbledore looked at him in silence for a little while before he moved to sit opposite him. "Tell me everything, Remus."

Remus exhaled shakily, trying to keep himself calm; he knew that regaling everything that Harry had told him without punching and/or kicking the furniture was going to be tough, but he thought it best if he maintained at least some level of professionalism and self-control, especially since he had every intention of broaching the subject of Harry's guardianship.

"It started when he was young, at least five years old..." he began, and found himself relaying the contents of Harry's letter, chronologically, to Dumbledore who sat stoically opposite him, his face unmoved, but the usual sparkle gone from his lapis-lazuli blue eyes.

Once Remus had told him what Harry had said in the letter, he went on to explain what had happened in the hospital ward. Still the old man remained seemingly unmoved, his blank expression a stark contrast to Remus's own, with his knitted brow and swollen eyes from lack of sleep and surplus of crying.

"They've broken him. He's been so brave, but... he's so scared, he's just, lost. And the worst thing is that he blames himself for this, he thinks it's his fault - that monster, that fucking bastard, he made him think it was his fault." Remus felt a stray tear roll down his cheek before swiping it away with the cuff of his shirt sleeve.

"Sorry." He said quietly.

"It's quite alright Remus, this is terribly upsetting news indeed, and it sounds as though you have had a very stressful weekend." Dumbledore still seemed worryingly calm. He sat back in his chair and brought his hands up, flat against each other and pressed to his pursed lips, almost as if he were praying. There was a very long silence in which Remus became increasingly frustrated.

"Professor?" Remus uttered eventually.

"How did you come by Harry's confidence?" Dumbledore asked, his hands pointing outward towards Remus now.

"Well, we've been close for a while, I suppose. I have spent a little time with Harry outside of classes, telling him about his parents, and a little while ago he asked for extra tuition to help ward off Dementors since, as you will have noticed, they seem to have formed a particular interest in him." Remus felt slightly unnerved by Dumbledore's unwavering gaze, he felt almost as though he were being interrogated, though the Professor was in no way being invasive or demanding. "So on Friday last Harry came to my office so that we could go over the Patronus Charm..."

"Ah!" Dumbledore said, and Remus eyed him curiously. "Boggart?" He asked.

"Um, yes." Remus responded. "Well... the Boggart didn't appear as a Dementor like I had suspected, it appeared as... as him." Remus found he couldn't even bring himself to utter that odious man's name. "Harry was terrified, literally petrified - it was a fear that I had never seen in Harry, or in any student I have taught, and that worried me. He was reluctant to talk about it at first... eventually I managed to break down his barriers but, well he was very upset, by the time he'd stopped crying he was just exhausted, so I walked him back to his dormitory under the agreement that we would meet the next day to discuss things."

Dumbledore nodded to show he was listening.

"The next day I was up rather early, I couldn't sleep to be honest, all I had ascertained from Harry at that point was that the Boggart's illusion was that of his Uncle and that something dark had occured between them. I was in my quarters and all of a sudden there was a tapping at the window, it was Hedwig, she had brought me a letter from Harry, outlining what I have just relayed to you."

"Do you still have the letter?"

"Yes, it's in a locked drawer in my office."

"Very good, then what happened?"

"Well, I wrote a quick response to Harry, attempting to reassure him and asking him to come to my office, which, after a while, he did."

"Go on."

"We talked, again he was very upset, but I managed to get him to agree to a medical examination, albeit reluctantly."

Remus considered telling him that he'd confided in Harry about his condition, but decided against it. After all, it was his secret to tell, Dumbledore didn't need to know who knew and who didn't.

"Oh... he also had a panic attack. Two in fact, one yesterday in my office and one today in the hospital wing."

Dumbledore simply gazed at Remus for a while, digesting the information that had just been relayed to him, before standing and moving over to the window.

"You know Remus, the safety and wellbeing of all my students is paramount to me." He said quietly and Remus rose from his chair to look over at the man now facing away from him, slightly hunched. "Their happiness also, and I fear that I have failed Harry on both counts. Failed him most cruelly."

"You weren't to know." Remus walked a few steps closer.

"Harry Potter is a boy who's life and safety have been taken advantage of many a time, and not just by his Uncle and Aunt, nor his enemies. It's very easy to take things at face value, and I fear that's exactly what I, perhaps what all of us, have been doing with Harry. It's difficult to see past the fame, his scar, James's face, Lily's eyes..."

At this Remus felt a spark of guilt, knowing Dumbledore was right, everyone had always seen Harry as the Potters's son - The Boy Who Lived, the boy who vanquished the Dark Lord... he had never really been allowed to be just Harry. And everyone had always taken him at face value. Except for the other children, those who hadn't lived through the war.

"... and now to learn that he has been abused so horrifically, it's a pain so unbearable. I am to blame Remus. I should have checked on him."

Remus was rather astonished. He had never seen Dumbledore so full of emotion, his ever calm exterior crumbling down, the gentle waves becoming a flurry of guilt.

"What's done is done." Remus said, taking control. "It's awful, and I know it's hard to come to terms with, but right now we have a duty of care to ensure that Harry is safe and that he has a better future."

At this Dumbledore turned to Remus and smiled a little.

"Do you know Remus, you were always one of my favourite students." Remus was a little dumbstruck at this statement, and simply stared at Dumbledore as he walked back to his seat behind his desk. "You have a good head on your shoulders, and a kind heart in your chest. I am very glad that you decided to study at Hogwarts, and more so that you agreed to teach here." Dumbledore sat down shakily, the revelations of the afternoon clearly still weighing him down.

Remus sat also, slightly unsure of what to say.

"You, of course, are right. Our focus needs to be on keeping Harry safe, and helping him to heal."

Remus nodded, glad that the conversation had now turned back to Harry.

"I... I have a feeling that you were hoping to attain guardianship." Dumbledore looked at him intently over his half moon glasses.

"Yes, I am. I promised James and Lily that if ever anything happened to them that I would look after him, and I have failed to do so thus far. But I am committed to him now, and he trusts me, more than anyone else." The words tumbled out of his mouth rather clumsily, and he disliked that he wasn't pleading his case a little more eloquently.

"Remus - you must know that there are a lot of obstacles in your way."

"Yes, I am abundantly aware of that." Remus retorted heatedly. "I do remember pleading with you to place Harry in my care after James..." His voice began to falter a little, and he quietened himself before continuing. "...after James and Lily died."

Dumbledore's face softened considerably.

"I know that my condition means that legally speaking there would be a lot of hurdles to overcome. But I am willing to face each and every one of them. Harry is vulnerable, he is scared and he is hurt. I cannot stand by and allow him to be thrown into a situation that he isn't comfortable with."

The old man sat back in his chair, considering this for a moment.

"Remus, we must consider Harry's safety. Were he to be placed under your guardianship, to live with you, then he would be susceptible to considerable danger. The wards that surround his Aunt's house cannot be matched through any spell or charm."

"But Professor-" Remus began in protest but stopped abruptly when Dumbledore held up his hand.

"I am by no means exerting that he should go back to that house. I am adamant that, that will never happen. So, the safest place for Harry to be is Hogwarts. And, if he is to stay here over the holidays he will need someone to stay with him, and since I am informed that you are currently without a fixed abode, it would serve to solve two problems if that person were to be you."

Remus looked away from Dumbledore. He was hoping that they could have got through this conversation without the issue of his current homelessness arising.

"Remus." Dumbledore said softly. "I know that you have not had an easy life, far from it, and I feel that I have failed you almost as much as I have failed Harry. Your life did not have to go the way that it has, I know how lonely you've been, and I will do everything that I can to make things right, for both of you. You certainly won't become Harry's Guardian overnight, possibly ever. But I will try, Remus. I will try."

Remus smiled politely. In truth, this conversation was making him feel wholly uncomfortable, and he felt somewhat deflated by the knowledge that he Harry would probably never be under his care. The worst thing was that deep down he knew all along that this would be the case. He was used to rejections, but this meant more to him than anything else he'd ever hoped for.

"Harry will need to press charges against his Uncle of course." Dumbledore said wistfully.

Remus nodded.

"It shouldn't be an arduous process, Harry's letter to you can act as a statement, unless he wishes to write another one, and you and Poppy can be called upon as witnesses."

"Will Harry have to appear in court?"

"I'm not sure, I would hope not, I shall certainly try to engineer the situation so that he doesn't, he's been through quite enough already. But I should like to speak to him."

"I did discuss that with him, I informed him that, that would probably be the case, he agreed that he would speak to you provided that I was present and had already outlined the situation to you."

"Good." Dumbledore sighed. "It would be better to speak with him this evening, I appreciate that he has already been through a lot this weekend, but the sooner we can press charges that better."

Remus considered this, though he was reluctant to put Harry through yet more today, he was every bit as eager to see Dursley serving time in Azkaban as quickly as possible. It was also, hopefully at least, the last trial that Harry would have to be put through, and the sooner he could put this weekend behind him the better.

"Of course." He sighed eventually. "I'll go down to the great hall and fetch him."

Dumbledore nodded and smiled sadly in response, Remus rose from his chair and headed towards the door, his shoulders slumped dejectedly, reluctant to put Harry through yet more arduousness.

"Remus!" Dumbledore's voice called out behind him, and he turned to look back at the old man. "Thank you. For being there for Harry, for handling all of this so admirably. I appreciate none of this has been easy for you, and for what it's worth, there is no doubt in my mind that you would be a superb guardian to Harry."

Remus appreciated the Professor's kind words, but couldn't quite manage a smile. Instead he nodded silently and slipped through the door


	14. Chapter 13: Arrangements

**Yay, an update, woop! So, I'm kind of feeling like this story is getting a bit slow and a bit stagnant, so I'm intending to really shake things up with the next chapters (and when I say shake things up I mean put the proverbial dog*cough*SIRIUS*cough* amongst the pigeons) as always reviews are very, very welcome, thank you to everyone who reads, reviews, favourites etc. - it makes writing about Mr Potter and Mr Lupin even more magical.**

Chapter 13: Arrangements

As Remus approached the great hall he saw that all the students were now filing out, chattering happily as they made their way to their respective dormitories. He hoped he hadn't already missed Harry, and decided that if he had he wouldn't go to the Gryffindor Tower to bother him now, in fact he was even starting to consider turning on his heels and walking away, poor Harry deserved to just rest now. He was still toying with this idea, erring on the side of going back to Dumbledore alone when he heard Hermione's voice.

"Professor Lupin? Are you ok?" She asked politely.

"Oh, Good Evening Hermione, yes I'm very well, sorry, I was a little lost in my thoughts." He responded, and she smiled in turn, though she herself seemed a little distracted. "And how are you?" He asked, a little concerned.

"Well... I'm... to be honest, I'm a little worried about Harry. Ron and I hadn't seen him all weekend, he said he was with you on Saturday and today he was just wandering around. But... that's really not like him. I also don't think he's taking the fact that Sirius Black is on the loose very seriously, he isn't doing as well in his schoolwork, and he seems so distracted recently, and he's not eating as much as he should be and-" She had started rambling nonsensically, so Remus stopped her.

"Hermione," he began kindly. "Harry will be absolutely fine. I will have a word with him about Sirius Black. I have noticed that he has been a little bit cavalier about the whole thing too, but don't worry I'll speak to him. And I wouldn't concern yourself, Harry might, indeed, be a little distracted at present, but if there's anything bothering him I'm sure he'll come to you, it might just take some time." He felt bad pacifying her like that when she was obviously, rightly, concerned for her friend. But what else could he say?

"Actually, have you seen Harry?" he asked, remembering his initial reason for coming.

"Yes, he's still in there" she gestured behind her to the Great Hall "he and Ron got into a conversation about Quidditch, which I just couldn't even begin to understand so I left them in there."

Remus chuckled a little.

"So I'll just be off then, thanks Professor, Goodnight."

"Goodnight Hermione." She smiled and walked away.

Remus walked into the Great Hall to see that there were still a few students and Professors sitting at the tables conversing, some even still nibbling away at the long finished feast. Harry and Ron were sitting at the far end of the Gryffindor table, clearly still in the depths of a Quidditch based discussion. Remus could fully understand Hermione's desire to leave; he and Peter had often ditched James and Sirius when they had launched into one of their endless disputes over this player or that match. He smiled a little thinking about how animated and heated they used to get over the tiniest things. However his smile quickly faded - the memory that Sirius had betrayed them hitting him once more like a blast of ice cold water. James and Peter were gone, Sirius was a deplorable traitor, and Remus would be alone forever more... save for Harry.

As Remus approached the two boys Harry looked up and saw him, initially a flicker of dread, and sadness passed through his eyes before he smiled weakly and turned back to Ron to say something, and then stood up and walked towards Remus. Remus stopped, understanding that Harry didn't want to involve anyone else in their impending conversation.

"Long time no see." Harry joked half-heartedly when he reached Remus.

Remus in turn smiled and gestured for them to walk out of the room, as they did they were followed by many pairs of eyes, mostly from the Slytherin table.

Once they were out of the room Remus decided to explain his presence.

"I'm sorry to be bothering you again Harry. I know you're probably ready to go and relax in your common room-" before he could finish Harry cut him off.

"I'm really not. Hermione is hounding me with questions, she thinks I'm being evasive, which I suppose I am. And Ron has this constant look on his face, like I've betrayed him. I know they're my friends, but why can't they just trust me when I tell them I'm fine?" Harry huffed frustratedly.

"Because they know you better." Remus replied simply.

Harry scowled at the floor.

"Harry, they're just concerned, but you don't have to tell them anything you don't want to. If they're true friends, which I don't doubt that they are, they'll get the message that you don't want to talk about it eventually."

Harry nodded a little, but still seemed tense. "Why are you here anyway?"

"Well..." Remus began as he gestured for them to start walking. "I spoke to Dumbledore."

"Oh..." Harry said, his shoulders slouching a little.

"He um, he's eager to get to work sorting things out. As you know the Easter holidays are coming up and I think he wanted this all to be, legally speaking, over and done with by then."

"Really, that quickly?" Harry responded.

"Yes, and... that's why I'm here. He was wondering if he could speak to you this evening."

Harry stopped walking and Remus faced him.

"Obviously, you don't have to, we both appreciate that you've been through and awful lot today. To be honest, I had second thoughts about even asking."

"No... it's fine." Harry said quietly.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. It's got to happen at some point, and soon by the sounds of things, so I might as well get it over and done with."

Remus placed a hand on Harry's shoulder.

"This is the last real hurdle. I promise. Dumbledore is going to secure things so that you don't have to appear in court. After today we never have to talk about your Uncle ever again if you don't want to."

Harry nodded glumly and began walking again, Remus stayed by his side, eyeing him tentatively until they reached Dumbledore's office.

Remus spoke the password and they went to knock at the inner door.

"Come in." Dumbledore's soft voice sounded from the other side.

Harry shuddered slightly at Remus's side and Remus put his arm around his shoulders and gave him a gentle squeeze. "It'll be fine." he whispered before letting him go and pushing open the door for him.

Harry walked slowly into the room and Remus followed behind, closing the door quietly.

"Ah Harry." Dumbledore said with his usual mirth. "Please, come and sit down." He offered a very plush looking blue velvet upholstered chair.

Harry sat down shakily and Remus took a seat beside him.

"So..." Dumbledore began, sitting down himself, his elbows resting on the desk and his fingers coming up to knit together. "Professor Lupin has informed me that you've been having some trouble at home, this is correct?"

Harry looked down, still trembling slightly. He didn't particularly like Dumbledore's choice of words, unless Remus had been very lenient on the details 'some trouble' didn't exactly surmise the trauma of his childhood. That said, he supposed he wouldn't have preferred him to be too blunt about it. Somewhat unwillingly he glanced up at his head master and nodded meekly.

"I'm very sorry Harry. Truly, and I hope to do everything that I can to help." Dumbledore's tone was very gentle and sincere. Harry continued to stare at the desk, aware of both the adults were eyeing him with concern and sympathy. He felt light headed, suddenly tired and upset.

Remus seemed to somehow sense this and placed a hand on Harry's knee.

"There are a few things we need to discuss. Obviously you will not be going back to your Aunt and Uncle's house over the holidays anymore, so ulterior arrangements shall have to be made."

Harry nodded to show that he was listening.

"After some deliberation, I have deduced that the safest place for you to stay would be here, with a member of staff to make sure you don't run into any trouble. Now, Professor Lupin has made it clear that he would be happy to stay with you, however if that doesn't suit you we can arrange for someone else to stay."

"No." Harry responded abruptly. "No... I-I'd like Rem-Professor Lupin to stay with me... if thats alright." he finished, sheepishly. He glanced up at Remus who smiled broadly back at him and squeezed his knee slightly before removing his hand.

"Very good, well, you will obviously be allowed a little more freedom during the holidays than you are during term time. But I will have to ask you to consider your personal safety at all times. It has been brought to my attention that you can sometimes be a little cavalier about your own well being. Now this comes as no surprise to me - having taught your Father, however it is important, now more than ever, to remain vigilant."

"I will, Sir." Harry responded quietly.

"Very good." Dumbledore smiled warmly before reaching across his desk and picking up a large crystal ball and retrieving some parchments from beneath it. "Now, we come to the slightly more grave subject concerning your Uncle."

Harry shuddered again. It was only a small motion, but enough for Remus to notice and he reached down to grasp Harry's hand in his own and was rewarded by Harry clinging on tightly.

"It's important that he is reprimanded for what he did to you. So I'm going to arrange for his arrest and subsequent trial. Madam Pomfrey and Professor Lupin are to be called upon as witnesses, and with your permission, we can use your letter to Professor Lupin as your statement so that you don't have to appear in court." Dumbledore explained softly.

Remus felt harry's hand tighten around his. "But..." The boy stammered, stopping himself abruptly.

"What is it Harry?" Remus asked gently. "You can tell us."

"No, it's, it's fine... I just, I hate the thought of people knowing." Harry responded, almost a whisper.

"That's perfectly understandable. But these people are professionals, who will have been through this very process many times before. They will swear to an oath of complete secrecy, and it will never be discussed again after the trial." Remus explained, trying to make Harry feel better, trying to think of anything he could say that would make it easier.

Harry nodded, a few tears running silently down his face. Remus glanced to Dumbledore who got up and slowly made his way round to kneel in front of Harry, taking his free hand in his own and looking into his tearful eyes.

"Harry, my boy, I can understand your concerns, and I am so very sorry that this is happening, I wish more than anything that I could make things better for you. But this has to be done, it's the only way that we can keep you safe." His voice was incredibly gentle and he stroked the back of Harry's hand as he spoke.

"I know, Sir. I'm sorry, it's fine, really." he responded tearfully. "Thank you."

"There is no need to thank me, Harry. It is my responsibility to care for you, and that is exactly what I, along with Professor Lupin, intend to do." Dumbledore replied, a sad smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

Harry nodded again, and dried his eyes with the cuffs of his jumper. Remus pulled a handkerchief from his shirt pocket and handed it to Harry, who thanked him and proceeded to blow his nose.

Dumbledore, with some effort, stood up and went back to his seat.

"Are you sure it's ok to go through this tonight Harry? If you'd rather come back tomorrow that would be perfectly acceptable." Remus queried, stroking the back of Harry's hand with his thumb.

"No." Harry shook his head. "I'm fine, honestly."

"If at any point you want to stop, just let us know." Dumbledore interjected and Harry nodded for the conversation to continue. "So, are you comfortable with us using your letter as a statement?" he asked.

"Um... yes I suppose so."

"Is there anything you want to change or feel that you missed?" Remus asked.

"No. I, I think it's fine... but..." Harry stammered again, his eyes cast down.

"What is it?" Remus asked, placing a hand reassuringly on the back of his neck.

"He... took" Harry took a deep breath. "He took pictures of me."

Dumbledore cocked his head to the side sympathetically and Remus closed his eyes and sighed, horrified that there was yet more Harry hadn't already told him.

"And... I don't know if he still has them... but, well - they... they're... indecent." Harry's voice got quieter and quieter as he spoke, the last word little more than a trembling whisper.

Remus squeezed his hand a little tighter and stroked his hair comfortingly.

"Well... in that case, there will be a warrant drawn up to search the house. If he still has these pictures, they will be found. Don't worry." Dumbledore uttered, his voice sombre, his sadness beginning to wear through his calm exterior. "Is there anything you want to ask, anything you're not sure about?"

"Um... well, what if he's found innocent or he escapes or-"

"He won't." Remus interrupted, stroking circles on Harry's back now. "And even if he did, you're incredibly well protected. You're living in a magical castle full of heavily armed wizards and witches apart from anything else." At this Harry laughed slightly and nodded, and Remus was relieved to see it. "There's no need to worry, you are safe, I promise." he added gently.

"Professor Lupin is right, Harry. There really is no need to worry. And if you're comfortable with us taking the legal matters into our own hands then there's nothing else you need to do. However, we will keep you abreast of what's happening, and if there's anything you want to ask either of us then please do not hesitate to do so." Dumbledore said, and Remus was glad he was drawing things to a close. It really as time now that Harry was allowed to get some rest from all of this.

"Are you going to be ok to attend classes tomorrow? You have had rather a tough couple of days?" Remus asked.

"No, I'll be fine." Harry responded and Remus raised a skeptical eyebrow. "No really, I want to go to class, I promise." Remus replaced his look of disbelief with a kind smile, noting another way that Harry was more like Lily than James.

"Very well Harry. I think it'd be best that you get some rest now. Don't worry. We'll sort this out." Dumbledore smiled to the boy.

"Thank you Professor."

"No, thank you Harry. I know that confiding in anyone about something like this can't be easy, and I'm very proud of you for finding the courage to do such a thing." Dumbledore said kindly.

Harry nodded sheepishly and he and Remus got up to leave.

"Oh, Remus, if you could come and see me first thing tomorrow, I would be much obliged." Dumbledore added with a nod and Remus nodded back before guiding Harry out of the room.

...

Once outside Remus turned to Harry. "Shall I walk you to your common room?"

Harry nodded, and they set off. At first it was quiet, and there were a million things Remus wanted to say to the boy, but he wasn't sure Harry would want to hear any of them.

Eventually he cleared his throat. "Again, Harry, if there's anything you want to ask either of us, then please don't hesitate. This is about you, and I'm aware that we're sort of taking things out of your hands, and I know it might be a little daunting not to be in control, not to know exactly whats happening... but, to be honest... you've been through enough, more than enough - too much in fact. And we just want to make this as easy for you as it can be."

"I know." Harry replied quietly and came to a stop. Remus looked up and found that they were standing outside the portrait hole, they had reached their destination.

"Will you be ok?" Remus asked. "With Ron and Hermione?"

Harry sighed and rubbed his face with both hands. "I imagine so, I've got sort of good at changing conversations and avoiding questions." He said glumly, causing Remus to sigh sadly and pull him into a hug.

Though a little tense at first, Harry relaxed and Remus held him a little tighter, wishing that he could magic away the past.

"Thank you." Harry whispered against his chest, and Remus smoothed the hair on the back of his head.

"You're very welcome." He whispered back before placing a kiss on the top of Harry's head before he pulled away, said goodnight, and disappeared through the hole and out of sight.


	15. Chapter 14: Time to Act

**Hey everyone, just had a spider in my flat about the size of Aragog; and I feel the same way Ron does about arachnids. I would like Remus to teach me how to defend myself against big spiders, I would make him chocolate based treats and knit him cardigans in return and we could discuss books and jazz and tweed suits. *sigh* Anyway, stuff happens in this chapter, yeah, actual stuff! Enjoy!**

**(I just wanted to mention, I'm getting a few quite demanding and even rude requests for updates - while I'm very flattered that you like this story so much, I genuinely have been updating as often as I can. I have an office job as well as freelancing as an illustrator and I also spend a lot of time volunteering. I've recently finished a big commission so hopefully I'll be able to update a little more frequently, but I do have to be a grown up most of the time... sorry about that. So could I request that your requests for updates were a little less vehement? Cheers.)**

Chapter 13: Time to Act

Remus woke early and went straight to Dumbledore's office as instructed. Thankfully he had slept well the previous night, his exhaustion had overcome him and he had crashed into bed as soon as he reached his quarters. He swiftly found himself in Dumbledore's office once more; the old man was sitting behind his desk, the spark in his eye returned, his quizzical, playful nature now restored after yesterday's dark revelations.

"I worked late last night in order to ensure that everything would be in place this morning." Dumbledore explained to Remus and Remus in return nodded, awaiting instruction.

"The search warrant and warrant for Dursley's arrest have been arranged and I have the parchments here. I would like you to accompany the officers, Remus."

"Me?" Remus asked, rather shocked at the request.

"I would feel more at ease if you were to oversee things, after all, you have Harry's best interests at heart."

"Well... exactly!" Remus stammered. "Professor, I don't know if I could even lay eyes on Dursley without tearing him limb from limb - I mean when I think about what he did, I just... I can't contain-"

"The anger." Dumbledore interjected, rising from his chair and walking around the desk. "The rage, the need for vengeance?"

Remus simply looked up at the old man quizzically.

"You care for Harry more than most, more than anyone perhaps. I need someone who is invested in Harry's wellbeing to head up this procedure, perhaps it is because I don't relish the idea of relinquishing control to those I do not necessarily trust, but I feel your presence would be most advisable." Dumbledore explained.

Remus wasn't sure that he followed this train of thought, but there was a part of him that did want to be involved. He felt that taking action would help ease the anger that had been burning inside him for the past two days, he just hoped for everyone's sakes that his emotions didn't get the better of him when he actually met this evil, disgusting, pathetic excuse of a man.

"Ok. I'll do it." He said firmly.

"Thank you Remus, it shall set my mind to rest." Dumbledore replied, relief evident in his tone. "But you really should go swiftly, the officers I have drafted in are keen to intercept him as he leaves for work." He explained, and Remus was on his feet in an instant. "Take the floo out of my office to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, there you will meet the officers you'll be accompanying, from there you will apparate to just outside 4 Privet Drive where two of the officers will arrest Dursley and take him back to the Ministry to be held in custody and later stand trial. You however will stay at the address, talk to his wife, see if you can gather any further evidence against him. You also have this." Dumbledore held up one of the pieces of parchment. "A warrant to search the property. See if you can find the photos Harry talked about, if not for evidence, then to set his mind to rest over them."

Remus nodded and headed for the fireplace.

"Oh and Remus..." Dumbledore added. "Be careful." He said sternly handing him the documents.

"I will." Remus replied before grabbing a handful of the powder, shouting his destination, stepping into the large fireplace and being whisked away by the roaring, emerald flames.

Remus fell out of a similarly large, yet less ornate, fireplace at the other end. He picked himself up and dusted himself off - feeling particularly grateful that it was a day before the full moon and not after - when suddenly he felt eyes on him. He looked up to see three people staring at him, each with some sort of hot beverage in hand.

"Hello." He said uncertainly. "I'm Remus Lupin. I've been sent by Professor Dumbledore to oversee Vernon Dursley's arrest!?" he questioned rather than stated.

One of the people, a slightly rotund, middle aged witch held out her hand in greeting.

"Mr Lupin, of course, Dumbledore owled us earlier to say you might be joining us. I'm Officer Green, but you can call me Cecily." She shook his hand fervently and he smiled back.

"Very pleased to meet you, and please, call me Remus."

Cecily gestured to one of the other officers. "This is Sergeant Percival Button." The man who'm she gestured to was very short and exceptionally old. He had a long, white beard, indeed it rivalled Dumbeldore's, and on being introduced he raised the mug of coffee he was gripping and grinned a near toothless grin - causing Remus to fear somewhat for the success of this operation.

"And this is Officer Jolyon Lockwood." Cecily gestured to the other man who nodded glumly and looked back down at the copy of the Daily Prophet in his hands. He was young, no older than mid twenties, Remus guessed. He was tall, and much more imposing than Cecily or Sergeant Button; you could tell, even through his Department uniform, that he was strong and muscular. Remus felt a little more optimistic now, knowing that there was a little brute force on the team.

"Would you like a cup of coffee?" Cecily asked brightly.

"No, thank you." Remus responded.

"Tea, Hot Chocolate, would you like a biccie?" She rather insistently held up a large plate of biscuits, it perplexed him slightly to acknowledge a certain likeness in Cecily to Molly Weasley.

"No, no I'm fine thank you... um, Dumbledore was eager that we intercept Dursley as he leaves the house, and well - time is pressing on, I think perhaps we should make a move." Remus said anxiously.

"Oh right! Of course!" Cecily responded seeming a little flustered while Sergeant Button drained his coffee cup with a great slurp and Officer Lockwood somewhat unenthusiastically folded his newspaper and put it down on the table behind him. Besides his seeming reluctance, Lockwood was on his feet and ready a lot faster than his two counterparts, who spent a long time worrying over their documents, wands and outerwear. Cecily was struggling to function at all when it came to the notion of leaving their office.

Lockwood turned to Remus and gave him a long-suffering sort of look. Remus surmised that perhaps he had been assigned to make sure the other two didn't get into too much trouble, it was blatantly apparent that Cecily and Button were past it and were simply being kept on by the ministry out of good will. He was rather angry that these were the only officers who had been granted by the ministry to carry out the day's mission. But then "Muggle cases" were never given as much time or attention as Wizarding ones.

Eventually they were all ready to go.

"Right! So we're apparating to number..." Cecily took a piece of paper from her pocket and held it close to her face, on which was currently splayed a look of confusion.

"Four." Lockwood said with a sigh.

"Oh yes four! Four Privet Drive, Little Whining, Surrey. Excellent! Everyone ready?" She asked, though didn't wait for a response before disappearing with a small popping sound, she was swiftly followed by Button. Just before Lockwood followed suit the young Officer turned to Remus and said "I'm sorry about those two, the Ministry can't "let them go", and I've been given the unholy job of looking after them."

"I figured as much." Remus smiled.

"They're usually fine when we get out there though. Don't worry." He responded and then apparated away, swiftly followed by Remus.

...

They were now all standing at the end of Privet Drive. Button set off first, his short, spindly legs carrying him at an impressive speed, his straggly white hair being whipped about by the morning breeze. The others followed him and they soon arrived at their destination. Number 4.

Cecily looked to the others, an inappropriately jovial expression on her face, before walking up to the door and ringing the buzzer. The door was promptly opened by a skinny, well presented woman wearing a chintzy floral apron, yellow rubber gloves and a haughty expression.

"Good Morning Madam - I'm Officer Cecily Green and these gentlemen are-"

"I know who you are." Said the haughty woman. "You're those types aren't you! Well you can go, I'll have no dealings with the likes of you. You are not welcome."

Remus stepped up, his anger beginning to surface slightly.

"Mrs Vernon Dursely, we have a warrant for your husband's arrest and a warrant to search the property-" but before he could finish she cut him off too.

"Well that's ridiculous, your fairy tale laws don't apply here, if you want to arrest my husband you'll have to get a_ real _warrant from the_ real _police, won't you." She said smugly.

"Actually Madam, the magical wards that protect this house mean that we have jurisdiction here. Furthermore; because the crimes that your husband is charged with were perpetrated against an under age member of the wizarding community our warrants are perfectly viable, and if you refuse us entry or withhold information you will also be liable to be charged, and I promise you, you do not want to end up in a witch's prison." Lockwood had stepped in, and both Petunia and Remus were now staring at him with wide eyes.

"Well - that's all well and good, but I'm afraid I cannot help you, my husband has already left for work, besides which, he hasn't done anything. It's that boy! That Potter brat, Goodness knows why we agreed to take him in, he's utterly useless, a burden - he is a _liar_ and a-"

"How dare you say that!" Remus shouted and now everyone was staring at him.

Petunia seemed to be growing more and more flustered as she looked around the neighbourhood anxiously.

"Perhaps it might be better if we continue this discussion indoors Madam?" Lockwood interjected.

"Very well!" Petunia huffed. "But do NOT touch anything."

They all followed her into the house, Remus last and he gently closed the door behind him. As he walked down the narrow hallway he noticed a small door under the stairs with a padlock and a cat-flap; he shuddered, surmising that this must be the cupboard that Harry spoke about in his letter.

They walked into the kitchen and Petunia stopped and swirled around, her repressed fury evident in her frown.

"Now, I want to read these warrants!" She said angrily. "I want to know exactly what that ungrateful, worthless boy has accused my husband of."

Remus worked hard to keep his rage in check and handed the warrants sullenly to Cecily who passed them hastily to Petunia.

Petunia took them, scowling at Remus in particular. She looked briefly at the search warrant before slamming it down on the kitchen counter. She then started to read over the arrest warrant, her face growling paler and paler as she read on. Once she had finished she looked almost as though she were about to faint.

She shakily placed that warrant down on top of the other and looked intently back at the officers. "This is all lies." She said hoarsely before flicking her head backward in a thwarted attempt to look defiant.

"We have proof." Remus said stonily.

"The Potter boy's word is NOT proof!" She shouted back.

"We have medical proof." Remus responded, not raising his voice to her.

"Well... that's all very well, how can you prove that any of it has anything to do with Vernon?" She responded, sounding very flustered.

"That is what the search warrant is for." Lockwood replied.

"I don't want you touching our things." Petunia flashed them an icy stare.

Sergeant Button leaned in towards Petunia, a twinkle in his eye and spoke the first and only word he uttered all morning. "Tough!"

Petunia of course didn't take kindly to this and began shouted and sneering at them. However Cecily sprung into action by pandering to her with false pretences of concern. Fetching her a glass of water and asking her if she'd like to sit down, this sudden change in temper seemed to placate her a little and distract her long enough for the other two officers and Remus to start searching the house. Lockwood searched the living room and kitchen whilst Button made his way upstairs to search the bedrooms, Remus made to follow him, but first unlocked the cupboard under the stairs and poked his head inside. He found a large array of cleaning fluids, mops and brooms and a few cardboard boxes, he began ratching through the boxes, sifting through letters and bills, a few family photographs (all excluding Harry). Eventually he came across a box marked Vernon: Inland Revenue Correspondence. He carefully opened it and began dutifully sifting through the envelopes, checking their contents and encountering letter after letter of meaningless words and numbers. Once he had taken them all out of the box to check them he noticed that the bottom of the box was loose and so prized the thick piece of cardboard up with his fingers.

Underneath it he found a large unmarked envelope. He felt his heart thump more rapidly in his chest, worried about what he might be about to unveil. He slowly opened the envelope; which had been opened before and resealed with scotch tape, and pulled out a stack of photographs, as soon as he laid eyes on them, he knew they were what they had come here for. They were all of Harry - they began of him as a baby, and in many ways they looked like ordinary baby photographs a parent might take, except that baby Harry was crying in every single one, and the further Remus got through the stack the older Harry got, the more cuts and bruises littered his small body and the more terrified he looked. In many of them Harry was being made to stand naked in various, perverse stances, and in almost all of them there were tears running down his face. Some of the photographs were of the injuries alone, a catalogue of abuse. Dursley obviously took some sort of twisted pleasure from these photographs, but all Remus could do was attempt to hold back the tears that were now threatening to fall.

He hastily put the photographs back in the envelope and replaced the letters into the box. He was busy wiping any stray tears from his face when Cecily popped her head round the door.

"Found anything?" She asked, disturbingly merrily.

"I think I've got everything we need. Is Officer Lockwood with Mrs Dursley?" He asked.

"No, he popped out to check the garden shed." Cecily replied.

"So you left her on her own!?" Remus asked incredulously.

"Oh - was that wrong?" She asked, seeming genuinely dismayed.

Remus didn't answer, instead he pushed past her, down the hall and back into the living room where he found Petunia on the phone, as he had expected to.

"...they're in the house... no, no Vernon! They're looking through everything! ... well I don't know, but you need to get out of there-"

Remus rushed over to her and ripped the receiver from her hand, clanging it back down on the phone.

"DO YOU MIND?!" Petunia screamed at him.

"Are you aware that aiding and abetting a criminal is an offence punishable by two to five years imprisonment?" Remus asked.

"Are you aware that my husband is not a criminal?" Petunia replied scornfully.

Remus held the envelope up in front of her. "I wouldn't count on it."

Just then Button and Lockwood re-entered the room.

"Now, since you have informed your husband that he will be arrested, where will he go?" Remus demanded.

Petunia was still staring at the envelope. "What is in there?" She asked.

"Answer the question Mrs Dursley." Lockwood chipped in.

Before Remus could put the envelope back in his pocket Petunia had grabbed it from him. Remus tried to snatch it back but was loathed to force her too hard, not wanting to find himself up on charges as well.

She tore open the envelope, and after throwing a stormy glare in Remus's direction ripped the photographs out. Her face sank further and further as she began to look through them, as the years of abuse and torture her husband had inflicted on her nephew became increasingly apparent.

"I didn't know." She said quietly. "I swear I didn't know."

"What do you mean you didn't know?" Remus shouted, his fury overcoming him again. "He was covered in bruises, he had broken bones - this was going on under your roof for eleven years!"

Petunia looked up at him and then around at the other officers, pale and thoroughly shaken.

"Well... I knew Vernon used to - discipline him... it was the only way we could make him behave." Remus clenched his fists and was fighting the urge to break something. "B-but I never knew anything like... this... happened." She gestured towards the pictures, her hand coming to cover her mouth as she began to whimper rather pathetically.

The officers and Remus simply stood and looked at her.

"Why are you all just staring at me! Can't you see I'm distressed!" She said in an overly pained voice.

"Are you suggesting that we should feel any sympathy for you?" Remus said, thoroughly disgusted. "Even if you didn't know the full extent of the physical abuse your husband inflicted you are equally guilty of neglect, psychological abuse and downright, cold hearted apathy - what you did to him was inhumane!"

She looked up at Remus and shook her head pathetically, whimpering a little louder, and it only served to anger Remus further.

"You were supposed to care for him! He's your flesh and blood, and you... disgusting people have ruined his life!" Remus could feel the wolf in him taking over and had to steel himself before he did something he regretted.

"He's no true relative of mine!" Petunia sneered wiping tears from her face. "I will not welcome freaks like him into my family. He must have put some sort of spell on my Vernon, put a curse on this house - we were happy before you freaks brought him here - if anything it was him who ruined our lives!"

Remus couldn't take it anymore, he couldn't be in the same room as that woman, he knew it would only lead to him doing something he'd later regret. He quickly snatched up the photos again and turned to officer Lockwood.

"Can you take over, find out where he's gone."

Lockwood nodded and took out a quill and notebook.

Remus left the house, just and so managing not to slam the door behind him. Once he had calmed himself down a little he put the photographs back into the envelope and placed them safely in his inside jacket pocket.

He waited outside for a long while, observing the neighbourhood, imagining how awful this place must have been for Harry, not just when he was growing up, but possibly even more so when he came back from Hogwarts over the holidays. To have to return to a place with so many truly horrific memories as well as the constant threat of further abuse. He rubbed his face with both hands and sighed a long saddened sigh.

After about half an hour Lockwood emerged from the house followed by Sergeant Button and Cecily, who was looking rather ashamed of herself.

"Ok. She said that he'll either have gone to his sister Marge's house - she gave me the address, or he'll have booked into a hotel. He doesn't have any friends that he can stay with apparently, no other family, so hopefully he won't be too difficult to track down. We're going to need more man-power so the first thing we need to do is get back to Headquarters and get more officers on board. We'll leave Serg and Cecily there to contact hotels, hostels and bed and breakfasts in the area to ask if they've had a man in matching his description, and you and I will check out the sister's house, sound good."

Remus nodded, though rather glumly. Despite Lockwood's efficiency and optimism, he couldn't help but feel that this was a mammoth task. The first thing he'd do would be to head to London, surely. London was a vast, huge city - and he could be anywhere, the only thing that gave him hope was the fact that Dursley was so awfully obese and so dreadfully ugly that he would be easily noticeable and also memorable to any witnesses.

"Ready to apparate?" Lockwood asked everyone, everyone nodded and they all sequentially disappeared one by one.


	16. Chapter 15: Fallout

**Hey everyone! Hope you're still enjoying the story, I've worked out exactly where it's going now so I feel it has good direction. A lot more will happen in the last few chapters. Thank you for your lovely reviews, you guys are amazing! I put a little bit of Neville in this chapter - just because I freakin' love Neville Longbottom! Hope you enjoy!**

Chapter 15: Fallout

Once the officers and Remus had returned to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, a flurry of activity started to kick in, Lockwood drafted in any spare officers he could find to help in the search for the runaway criminal. Dozens of dusty old muggle telephones were taken from cupboards and set up for the officers to make their enquiries. Remus overlooked the activity, the busy and sometimes frantic rushing of men and women, all with a common purpose, to find Vernon Dursley. And yet none of this served to instil any faith that they _would_ find him. It just seemed utterly hopeless.

Remus tried not to think about how awful it would be to have to tell Harry of Vernon's escape, how terrified he'd be. He knew he had failed Harry, again. He had promised to keep him safe, and now this had happened. Though he tried to console himself with the fact that even if Vernon somehow managed to find Hogwarts (which in itself was highly unlikely) Harry was safe - provided that he stopped wandering around the castle grounds on his own.

"Professor?" Lockwood's low voice brought Remus back from his thoughts. "Ready to go?" The young officer asked.

"Yes..." Remus said gathering himself. "Yes."

Lockwood apparated away and was swiftly followed by Remus.

They arrived outside a largish bungalow on a street similar to the one they had visited that morning. The garden was tidy yet with more gravel than plants and the exterior of the house was very plain and uninviting, indeed it didn't look much like a home at all. The only decoration to be seen on the outside of the property were two rather comical stone bulldogs that perched on the front door step.

Lockwood approached first and rang the doorbell and cringed to hear that played a slightly off key, synthesised version of How Much Is That Doggy In The Window. As soon as it rang out, barking could be heard, and both Remus and Lockwood took a small step backward. After a little while a large, brusque, red-faced woman opened the door. She eyed them both very suspiciously.

"Can I help you?" She asked, already annoyed at their presence.

"Marjorie Dursley?" Lockwood asked.

"Yes that's me." She replied in a very hostile manner.

"I'm Officer Jolyon Lockwood and this is Professor R J Lupin. We have a warrant for the arrest of your brother Vernon Dursley, we have reason to believe he may have come to you to, would it be alright if we searched the house?"

"Well... yes, I suppose you'd better had." She said, and Remus was rather surprised that she was being so accommodating, but then remembered of course that she wasn't aware of the wizarding world and was probably disinclined to argue with a policeman.

She lead them inside; the large, slobbering bulldog following them menacingly as they followed her into her surprisingly light and spacious house, though the interior was no more homely than an empty vault at Gringotts.

"Feel free to look around if you must, but I can assure you he isn't here Officer." She spoke only to Lockwood, ignoring Remus entirely. "And I don't know who's accused him of what, but I can vouch for the fact that my Brother is completely incapable of committing any kind of crime. Honestly he's an absolute wimp!" She scoffed. Remus left the room to search the bungalow, it didn't take long, the house only being on one level and there only being six rooms. He walked back into the living room downheartedly and looked to Lockwood who was being talked at by Marge about her brother's history of hopelessness when it came to risk-taking, breaking the rules or anything that involved an ounce of courage.

"Anything?" Lockwood turned to Remus, interrupting Marge in mid-sentence.

Remus shook his head dejectedly.

"Thank you very much for your time Ms Dursley." Lockwood said, turning again to Marge and handing her a card with what looked like a Muggle phone number on it. "If you hear from your Brother, please give us a call, it's vitally important that we find him."

Marge took the card and eyed them both suspiciously again before nodding and then showing them to the door.

Once out in the street again Remus felt his hope sink even further. He just knew in his heart of hearts that they weren't going to find him.

"Well, she seemed pretty genuine. She's not heard from him I don't think." Lockwood said.

"We're not going to find him are we?" Remus asked.

"We may yet, try not to worry. He can't hide forever." Lockwood responded looking at his pocket watch.

"Anyway, you should probably be getting back to Hogwarts, it's a full moon tonight." he said very matter-of-factly and Remus, in response, stared wide-eyed at him. Had Dumbledore told him? Surely he wouldn't do that... had he just figured it out? Maybe he was just joking!?

"Um..." Remus said rather dumbly.

"I used to work in a special unit trained to track down Werewolves." Lockwood explained.

Remus knew about those guys. They were ruthless. They weren't allowed to kill you if they caught you, but they'd beat you really badly and then dump you in a Werewolf colony and leave you there to be killed or maimed.

"I was trained to spot a Lycanthrope from a mile away. But don't worry - I gave it up after my first mission. It was a woman, a young woman, and she was just getting on with her own life you know, working and contributing to the community she was living in. My orders were to capture her while she walked home from work, beat her senseless and dump her with Greyback." Remus shuddered at the name. "I'd never really thought about it before because I'd been trained my whole life to think that werewolves were degenerate, dangerous maniacs. But looking at that girl, I realised that everything I'd been told was wrong. You guys aren't evil. You're just the same as us." Remus was now transfixed by the man in front of him, to think anyone could be inducted into a world of hatred only to discover that they were wrong, and be able to admit it... he was astonished.

"Anyway, I told my boss he could stick it up his arse so I was moved to the Muggle department to look after the two bumbling old fools... but I don't regret it." He said, chuckling slightly.

"I don't know what to say." Remus said honestly. "Thank you... I suppose."

"Don't mention it. It's been a pleasure to work with you." He extended his hand and Remus shook it, still a little thrown. "Anyway, like I said, you'd better be getting back, see if you can talk to Harry - see if he knows anywhere that Dursley might have gone."

"I really don't think Harry is going to be very happy with me." Remus replied.

"Well, that may be true. But give him time, I have a feeling it'll be resolved before long, we have a few more tricks up our sleeves." Lockwood replied smiling slightly. "I'll write up a progress report tonight and owl it to Dumbledore."

"Thanks." Remus responded.

"Good luck." Lockwood replied before apparating away.

Remus stood on his own for a while, trying to figure out what on earth he was going to tell Harry... and Dumbledore. After all, Dumbledore had placed so much faith in him, and he'd let him down. He felt utterly horrible. Not wanting to dwell on his own misgivings much longer he apparated back to the castle, just outside Dumbledore's office.

Just as he had felt the fuzziness in his head lift he heard a voice behind him.

"Remus?" It was Dumbledore. Remus turned to see him standing in the doorway to his office, an expectant look on his face.

Remus simply looked at him dejectedly and he saw that Dumbledore understood immediately. The old man ushered him into the office once more and made him a cup of tea, despite Remus's protests.

"What happened, Remus?" He asked.

Remus then regaled to him the unfortunate events of the day, finding it difficult to repeat what Petunia Dursley had said, how cold and unfeeling she had been. Dumbledore nodding, seeming sad yet somehow not surprised.

"...and now we have no idea where he is, no way to track him down... I've failed Harry again, and you." Remus said downheartedly.

"You haven't failed anyone Remus. There was always a chance that this might happen, and the only officers that the Ministry would grant me to deal with this were clearly not up to scratch, you know what they're like with 'muggle cases'. Please do not blame yourself Remus." Dumbledore assured.

"But Harry - he's" Remus took a long, pained sigh. "He's going to be so frightened."

"That may be." Dumbledore uttered regretfully. "But we can keep him safe. The likelihood of Dursley finding Hogwarts is a million to one, and even if he does, we will be prepared for that eventuality. Apart from anything else, the school is already surrounded by Dementors."

"Yes. Yes, I suppose that's true." Remus agreed, though still feeling terrible about the fact he was going to have to break this awful news to the person he cared about the most.

"And you retrieved the pictures?" Dumbledore asked.

"Yes." Remus replied, pulling the envelope from his pocket and handing them to Dumbledore. "Will you keep them safe? I would burn them, but if we do catch him I suppose these are evidence. I just don't want them anywhere near me."

"Of course. I shall keep them under lock and key. No one shall see them but the Court - if it comes to that." Dumbledore took the envelope and walked over to a small chest, casting four spells on it, it opened and he placed the envelope inside. He then placed several locking charms on it, shrunk it and locked it in his desk drawer. Remus felt confident they would be safe there.

"Are you going to be alright tonight?" Dumbledore asked and for a moment Remus didn't understand. For the first time ever he had momentarily forgotten that it was a full moon. He shuddered at the reminder but nodded silently.

Something changed in Dumbledore's demeanour. He looked intently at Remus, but with kind eyes. "Are you sure there's nothing I can do, my boy?" He asked rather sadly.

"No." Remus said hoarsely. "No I think we have pretty firmly established now that there's nothing anyone can do." Remus hated that he was feeling so emotional, but then it had been a rather depressing day, and he had two dreadful appointments to keep later on, one with Harry and one with the moon.

"I'm sorry Remus." Dumbledore said quietly, his kind eyes still laced with sadness.

Remus sighed. "It's fine. Really, it's fine. It's just... well, it's just that I've been thinking a lot about James and Lily - and Peter... and" Remus winced, unable to say the name of the boy he had once held dearest, and by who'm he and his friends had been betrayed so cruelly.

Dumbledore reached across the desk and placed a hand comfortingly on Remus's arm.

"It's just hard sometimes, remembering that I haven't always been so alone - and if things had been different... none of this would have happened to Harry, he'd have been safe, and we'd still have been a family... but..." He exhaled a shaky breath, knowing that dwelling on this wasn't good for him. He needed to be strong now, for Harry. "But, things aren't different, they are what they are and we have to do what we can, do what's best. I'm sorry Professor, I'm fine, really. It's just been a stressful few days."

Dumbledore patted Remus's arm before moving his hand away, the twinkle returning to his eye. "You know Remus, however dark things may seem now, I really do think that things will turn out well in the end."

Remus didn't know why, since Dumbledore couldn't possibly know what was going to happen, but he found a little comfort in those words. There was something so wonderfully reassuring about the old wizard, the way he could restore your faith with a simple nod of the head or a kind word. Remus suddenly felt a little stronger, and so said his goodbyes to Dumbledore and set off to find Harry.

He decided to make his way towards the Gryffindor tower, knowing that classes would soon be over and the students would be heading back to their respective common rooms and dormitories. He hadn't got far when students starting piling out of classrooms excitedly, happy that the day was over and that they could see their friends and enjoy their freedom until the next morning. Remus hoped that he would catch Harry on his own, he'd rather not meet him with his friends, knowing that they were suspicious that something was going on as it was.

Eventually Remus reached the stairs that led towards the Gryffindor tower.

"Hello Professor." Came a small voice from behind him. He turned to see that it was Neville Longbottom. Remus liked Neville, his quiet, nervous nature was strangely endearing - and he had always been fond of Frank and Alice.

"Oh, hello Neville!" He said, sounding more cheerful than he felt. "How are you?"

"I'm fine Professor. I was wondering if you were ok actually, we missed you in Defence lessons today."

"Ah yes, sorry about that Neville, I'm afraid I had some business to attend to on Dumbledore's behalf... and I'm afraid I probably shan't be able to teach for the remainder of the week." He added, feeling as though this transformation would be a particularly bad one.

Neville looked a little worried.

"Not to worry, I'll be back soon, and I'm sure you're doing just fine in my absence, you have a natural aptitude for defence Neville, though you may not recognise it yourself."

Neville smiled a little. "T-thanks Professor."

"I say, have you seen Harry or Ron and Hermione?" He asked, remembering that time was ticking on and he had to talk with Harry before sundown.

"Yeah, Hermione and Ron went for a walk and I think Harry's in the library."

Remus smiled and patted Neville on the shoulder. "Thanks Neville. I'd better be off, but I'll see you next week."

"See you then, Professor." Neville smiled again before heading up the stairs.

Remus set off in the direction of the library, hoping that Harry didn't leave before he got there. He walked at a relatively fast pace, and though he saw several members of staff in the corridors that he knew he needed to have words with he didn't stop until he arrived at his destination.

Once he entered the library he saw Harry straight away, he was one of only three students, the two others being sixth year Ravenclaws. Harry was sat hunched over about five books scribbling away on some parchment, his hand resting against his forehead, propping his head up, his fingers entangled in his messy hair.

Remus walked slowly over to him, Harry didn't stir at all, clearly lost in his work, even when Remus was standing right in front of him he didn't seem to be aware of his presence.

"Harry." Remus said softly.

Harry jumped about a mile and looked up, startled.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you." Remus whispered.

"No it's fine, sorry, I was miles away." Harry responded smiling slightly.

"I'm sorry about this Harry, I can see you're busy, but I was wondering if I could have a word?"

Just as he said this the two Ravenclaws closed their books and left, he didn't know if they had overheard him or if it was just a fortunate coincidence.

Harry looked around to see that there was no one else around.

"Sure." He said calmly, though Remus could see the fear in his eyes. "Is it about why you weren't here today?" He asked.

"Yes, partly." Remus replied, he took a deep breath and sat down next to Harry, he knew this was going to be awful, he hated himself for having to be saying it, he hated himself for not making damn sure Dursley hadn't got away. "This morning Dumbledore asked me to accompany some Officers from the Department of Magical Law Enforcement in the arrest of your Uncle." Harry looked down at the desk, his jaw set. "Well, we went to the house and we found evidence, I recovered the photographs." Harry closed his eyes and bowed his head, looking thoroughly uncomfortable, and Remus now dreaded having to break the news to him. "But... Harry, I'm so sorry. Your Aunt managed to contact your Uncle at work and he got away... but the officers are working really hard to find him-"

"WHAT!?" Harry shouted before recoiling away from Remus. "You let him get away?"

"I know, I know Harry, I am so, so sorry. I'm going to do everything I can to track him down I promise you." Remus said hastily, trying not to let this conversation slip away from him.

"But - but you don't KNOW him!" Harry stood from his seat and started frantically packing away his books.

"Harry, please, sit down and we'll talk, I know you're angry and have every right to be... but... Harry, please listen." As Remus spoke Harry continued to shove books into his bag hurriedly, ignoring Remus entirely. "I know you're frightened - but you really don't need to be-"

"How can you say that!?" Harry said, spinning to face Remus once he had placed his bag over his shoulder, his face flushed, his brows drawn together into a frown. "You know what he did to me! And now that he knows I told people he WILL come for me! How can you say that I'm safe when he's out there looking for me!?" Harry turned on his heels and began to storm out of the library.

"Harry - please-" Remus knew he was losing Harry, he couldn't let that happen, but he had no idea what to say to him, no idea how to make things right.

"No!" Harry said again, stopping momentarily at the door and turning his head to look at Remus with utter contempt. "You promised you wouldn't let this happen, you promised me I would be safe, I trusted you... but not anymore." And with that he left the room, leaving Remus alone... silent... broken


	17. Chapter 16: The Howling

Hello lovelies! Another update - so soon? Crikey! This one's quite short. I was originally going to write it as part of the last chapter but I think it would have been a bit long, and also I wanted this part of the story to be from Harry's perspective. I hope you like it, it's a bit sad this one. *hugs Moony*

Chapter 16: The Howling

Harry stormed away from the library. He just couldn't be there anymore, he couldn't look at Remus right now. He had trusted him with something so awful, trusted him to keep his confidence, to keep him safe. And now three people knew about his past; that was three more than Harry had ever wanted to know. Remus had taken away his control, and now he was in danger and Remus was trying to tell him everything was fine!? He felt betrayed, angry, but most of all afraid.

'Oh God he knows I told them!' Harry thought to himself. 'He knows and he'll be so angry, he'll come after me!' He could feel himself beginning to panic again, pressure building in his chest as he walked, slowing gradually, the cloudiness in his head making his feet feel heavier. His breath started to come harshly in short gasps and he struggled to maintain his composure - even his vision began to blur.

"Mate?" He heard Ron's voice but it sounded strange, faint.

"Harry - what's wrong?" He saw a blurry Hermione standing in front of him, her hands coming up to rest on his shoulders before he felt his legs caving beneath him.

"Harry mate - breath. Just relax." He heard Ron saying as he knelt down next to him and put an arm around his shoulders while Hermione sat on the other side of him and rubbed his back while he heaved with gasps, his chest felt tight and painful and he clutched at the fabric of his robes before Ron moved to hold his hand tightly and Harry began to relax slightly, feeling more secure now.

"Maybe I should fetch Madam Pomfrey." Hermione said as Harry managed to calm a little bit.

"No!" he gasped. "No... I'm... I'm fine I just..." He let out a long shaky breath. "I just need a minute..."

They all stayed that way for a while, on the floor of the otherwise empty corridor, Ron supporting Harry, making sure he didn't fall backwards, and Hermione stroking his back, looking concernedly at him while he breathed deeply for a while, feeling his strength return.

"Sorry." Harry uttered eventually.

"Don't apologise mate, its fine, but..." Ron responded. "What happened?"

Harry sighed, untangling his hand from Ron's and pinching the bridge of his nose. "Can we talk about it back at the common room?" He asked.

"Of course." Hermione responded, getting up and helping Harry to his feet. Ron got up too and picked up Harry's bag which was lying discarded on the floor and put it over his shoulder.

"Ron, don't worry I can take it."

"Don't be daft." Ron said while Hermione put an arm around Harry's waist and they set off in the direction of the Gryffindor tower. Once they reached the tower it was dinnertime and most of the students were already gone from the common room. Harry took his bag from Ron with a weak yet appreciative smile and headed up to the dormitory to change out of his uniform.

The minute he had closed the door behind him and ascertained that he was alone he burst into tears. He knew it was inevitable but he still hated himself for being so pathetic. He wanted to be stronger, to deal with this rationally, but every time he felt as though he had got it under control, something happened that made him just lose it. He collapsed onto his bed and reluctantly allowed the tears to fall harder, allowed the betrayal and the fear he felt to coarse through him. Now he couldn't trust Remus any longer, he was more alone than ever.

Just as his crying had reached a crescendo of ragged sobs he heard the door creak open and hurriedly tried to dry his face and get his composure back. It was Ron and Hermione. They walked tentatively across the room towards Harry, who was now curling himself up into a ball, holding his knees against his chest and burying his face, an attempt to hide his shameful tears.

He felt the bed dip down on his left side and a strong arm wind around his shoulders and then felt Hermione's hand on his wrist as she sat down by his other side and rested her head next to his. He felt better to have them with him, but also worse somehow, he knew he would have to tell them something now, he wasn't entirely sure it could be the truth, but lying to them was unthinkable.

"Harry - please tell us what's wrong." Hermione pleaded quietly as she gently took hold of his hand. She sounded so sad.

After a long while Harry uncurled himself and sniffed, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

"I'm sorry." He said, feeling incredibly ashamed.

"You don't have to apologise for being upset Harry." Hermione assured him and Harry felt Ron tighten his hold around his shoulders a little.

"It's just us mate. We're here for you no matter what." he said quietly.

Harry exhaled shakily. "Guys..." he could hardly think what to say to them. "There's some stuff that... you don't know about me, about my past. And it was fine, for a while, I could handle it, but recently... things have changed."

"How can we help?" Hermione asked, her eyes gleaming slightly with moisture.

"I don't know." Harry answered honestly. "I... I just can't talk about it, right now... it's too much."

He heard Ron sigh sadly. "It's not that I don't trust you." He added. "I do, but... I just can't explain now. I need some time."

"Take all the time you need." Ron replied. "We'll be here for you when you're ready, right Hermione?"

"Always." Hermione answered sweetly before putting her arms around Harry. Ron embraced Harry too, who relaxed a little, feeling safe for now, in the arms of his best friends, knowing that when he was ready to talk - they would listen.

After a while Ron and Hermione disentangled their arms from around Harry and decided that perhaps they should go downstairs for dinner. Harry reluctantly agreed, remembering that Madam Pomfrey had told him he wasn't eating enough. He was still worried though, he knew Remus would be there, and he'd probably try to talk to him again, and he just didn't want to hear it. Then again, if he didn't go down then Remus would probably get worried and come looking for him.

So he went into the bathroom to wash his face and get changed, when he came out Hermione put her arms around him again and Ron broke the tension by cracking a joke about Professor Trelawney's moustache, before the two of them led him off downstairs.

Once they reached the great hall Harry couldn't bring himself to look at the staff table he knew fine well that Remus would be keeping an eye out for him and he desperately didn't want to end up making eye contact. Once they sat down it was clear that Ron could sense he was still uncomfortable and so launched into a long winded conversation about dragons, which, after no time at all, saw he and Hermione arguing over the life expectancy of Ukrainian Ironbellies.

Eventually Harry chanced a quick glance towards the long staff dining table which was slightly elevated and ran parallel to the student tables. To his surprise he saw that Remus wasn't there, and though he couldn't help but wonder why, he relaxed slightly, relieved to know that he wasn't being watched. He brightened a little and, much to Ron and Hermione's delight, joined in with their conversation and listened to what they were saying. However, despite his sense of relief, Harry couldn't help but keep glancing over to the staff table. Not only was Remus not there, but neither was Dumbledore, which was not uncommon, but still gave Harry a slight feeling of unease.

Once they had finished their dinner the trio went back to the common room again, Hermione said she needed some homework to do and so hugged Harry (again) and made to leave. As she passed by him, Ron opened his arms in a mock gesture and Hermione pressed a hand to his face and pushed him down into the sofa. "Night guys." She said nonchalantly and then left the room. This made Harry laugh, despite his worries.

"She's a right git sometimes!" Ron said jokingly, though genuinely seemed slightly put out to be so summarily rejected.

An awkward silence then fell between the two of them as the fire crackled and a few other students held hushed conversations. Just then Scabbers jumped up onto Ron's lap.

"Hallo Scabs!" Ron said cheerfully. "Did you manage to get out of your cage again? I don't know how you keep doing that?" Ron said, more to himself than to the rat.

Scabbers looked up at Ron, his nose and whiskers twitching and his black eyes twinkling in the firelight.

"You ought to be careful you know." Ron continued. "That bloody cat of Hermione's 'll 'ave you if it gets half the chance." The rat seemed unmoved. "Bloody cats!"

"Yeah - you should be careful Scabbers." Harry interjected. "If Crookshanks doesn't get you then McGonagall might!"

That thought obviously appealed to Ron as he set about laughing and Scabbers crawled up his jumper and onto his shoulder.

Harry and Ron stayed in the common room for a while, discussing classes and the fact that Hermione was somehow attending all of them at once. After a while the conversation got round to Buckbeak and his terribly unjust death sentence.

"Apparently the executioner is coming a week tomorrow!" Ron said sadly.

"It's just ridiculous. Bloody Malfoy!" Harry responded angrily. His hatred for Malfoy seemed to have increased ten-fold every term since he started at Hogwarts. He surmised that by seventh year he either would have gone mad or murdered the slimy git - that was if his Uncle didn't murder him first. The reminder came to Harry with a shudder, and suddenly he was no longer in the mood to stay up and talk with Ron.

They both made their way up to the dorm room and got ready for bed, Dean and Seamus were still downstairs and Neville was in bed reading a book. Harry decided to read too while Ron put Scabbers back in his cage and tried to make it a little more secure with a few locking charms Hermione had taught him. After a while Dean and Seamus came up as well and they all got into bed, one by one falling asleep - except for Harry. Once again he found that sleep evaded him.

He lay in bed gazing up at the canopy above his bed, going over the events of the day in his head, thinking about what Remus had told him, dwelling with terror on the magnitude of his Uncle's rage. He suddenly felt as though he was a million miles away from everyone he loved, he was vulnerable and tired and lost. Despite himself, he wanted Remus.

Just as he let that thought consume him, he heard an incredibly loud howl outside, resonating around the valley. It was an eerily still, quiet night and could not possibly have been the wind.

He got silently out of bed and padded barefoot to the window and climbed up onto the ledge, staring out of the window to the grounds below, half expecting to see Fred and George larking around down there. There was a second howl, just as loud and long as the first, and Harry was even more perplexed.

Then it clicked. Harry looked up into the sky to see the sickeningly large full moon, bright and clear above the hills that flanked the lake, the silver light reflecting in the dark water.

Another desolate wail echoed around the walls of the basin, it sounded so desperate and lonely, so lost... Remus.

Harry felt tears forming in his eyes. He had forgotten.

He sat for a long time, tears rolling silently down his cheeks as he listened to the relentless, heartbreaking, primal cries of a creature who was every bit as alone, every bit as vulnerable as he was. Harry felt a deep urge to fling the window open, to howl into the night, to answer his friend's desperate cries. But he couldn't. He slowly lifted his hand up to clear the condensation off the window, his breath blurring the moon along with his tears.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, and the wolf cried all night


	18. Chapter 17: Reconciled

Very short update, just because I had to break this chapter up into two - it got way too long! This is the first half of it, so the next update should follow pretty soon. I also liked this bit better on it's own. Hope you like it.

Chapter 17: Reconciled

Harry woke up feeling groggy after only two hours sleep. Remus's heart-wrenching wolfish cries had kept him awake almost all night, it was not until the moon had settled behind the hills that the wolf finally fell silent, and Harry fell into a fitful sleep.

It was still early when he awoke, and it appeared that nobody was using the bathroom which adjoined their dorm and so Harry slipped quietly in to get on with his morning routine. As he showered and made himself presentable, he couldn't stop thinking about Remus, what a terrible night he must have had. He couldn't help but blame himself. Yes - he was frightened, but he shouldn't have taken that out on Remus. He surmised, after all, that had Dumbledore never sent Remus to help the officers, Vernon would probably have gotten away anyway.

Harry shuddered again. He knew his Uncle better than anyone. His blundering, sluggish apparel only served to hide his wickedness; his manipulative, calculating nature - and his dogged determination to own things - to own people. On many occasions he had beaten Harry to within an inch of his life for daring to speak out or to do something contrary to how he wanted it done. He never relinquished control over things he considered to be beneath him. Harry knew that despite how hard it would be for him to find Hogwarts - he would, he would come for him.

Harry was terrified, and suddenly found that he wanted Remus, he wanted him close, not to push him away. Despite it all, Remus still made him feel safe, he had a quiet power, an authority he would never abuse, and though Harry's trust in him had taken a serious knocking yesterday evening, it was still there, flickering silently in the pit of his heart.

It was decided, he had to find Remus. As soon as he had finished getting washed and dressed, Harry grabbed the map from the large chest at the end of his bed and made his way downstairs. He passed through the common room, bidding Seamus and a couple of the others good morning. Luckily Ron and Hermione were nowhere to be seen; after his breakdown last night, Harry was hardly eager to see them this morning and so slipped out of the portrait whole and down towards the centre of the castle.

He found a relatively secluded alcove, away from the main corridors, it was shadowy, the only light was filtering in from the narrow latticed windows that flanked one side of the quiet hallway. Harry took the map from his back pocket and carefully unfolded it.

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good." he incanted without the usual relish.

After scanning the castle's extensive grounds for a good five minutes Harry found Remus. He was in the shrieking shack, a derelict building not far from the castle grounds, Hermione had told him about it once, it was said to be the most haunted house in Britain. Looking at the map, Harry saw that there was a direct tunnel to the shack from the castle grounds, but to his dismay, he saw that the entrance to the tunnel was beneath the whomping willow. 'I'll have to cross that bridge when I come to it.' he thought.

Looking at the map Harry noticed that Remus wasn't moving at all, there were no footprints, and the inked scroll in which his name was scrawled simply hovered, flickering at it's tapered ends. 'What if he's hurt... or worse?' Harry thought to himself, before quickly springing into action, folding the map up and placing it in his back pocket. He ran to the front doors of the castle and out into the grounds, dodging the few students who were taking an early morning stroll.

Not thinking about time, or classes, Harry ran as quickly as he could beyond the castle walls and down towards the willow. When he reached it he looked up at it's vast, swaying branches, it looked peaceful enough now, but he knew that if he tried to cross it's threshold it would not be merciful.

He cautiously took a couple of steps forward, he was now standing underneath the outer branches, looking upward he saw the huge, heavy arms looming ominously over him. In front of him he could see a large burrow at the base of the tree, which he assumed must have been the entrance to the tunnel. It was only a couple of yards away from him but he still knew he wouldn't make it before the tree attacked. He stood still for a long time, trying to figure out a way to get in when suddenly the castle clock struck eight. The tree stilled it's swaying movements, almost as if it were listening to the chimes. Harry took his chance and lunged for the tunnel and made it by a split second, a branch falling to where he had stood the moment he made it underground.

Harry could hear the tree twisting and writhing above him, the branches pounding at the earth like fists. He stood up in the dark narrow tunnel, taking his wand from his pocket. "Lumos." The tunnel lit up a little, and he could see a path leading onwards into the darkness.

He set of swiftly, though taking care not to trip on the tree roots and rocks that littered the tunnel floor. Eventually he came across a sort of gate on which there hung a sign reading "Tread no further if you value your life." Being Harry Potter, he took no notice and opened the small gate and climbed the steps that lay beyond. At the top of the stairs there was an opening through which dim light was shining. He climbed up through the opening, which turned out to be a fireplace, into the ruins of what was once a sitting room.

The walls were shabby, with different layers of wallpaper that were partially ripped away, the windows were all boarded over, the floorboards were crooked and many were missing and broken furniture littered the room. Looking again, Harry noticed the scratches - there were vast scratches everywhere, all over the walls and floor and even the ceiling, where curtains once hung there were simply strips of tattered fabric. All in all, it looked like there had been a dragon living there.

Harry scanned the room but couldn't see Remus and so walked cautiously into the hallway in which he found a staircase and doors into two separate rooms. As he stepped forwards towards the stairs he noticed, to his horror, that there was blood spattered across the floor, and smeared up the wall leading upstairs.

Terrified as to what he might find, he walked up the stairs, trying to make as little noise as possible. Once he reached the top he saw three doors, through there was no question as to which room Remus was in, as the door was wide open and the trail of blood lead Harry inside where he saw Remus lain face down on the bed. Harry panicked and rushed over but was relieved to see that his back was rising and falling steadily, he was alive, and breathing - unconscious, presumably, or perhaps just in a deep sleep.

His skin was pale in the dull light and his back and arms were littered with many deep wounds, his hair was matted with blood, and Harry could see that one of his legs was bent in a way that would suggest it was broken.

He saw in the corner of the room that there was a chair with a cleanish looking blanket on it, so he took it and draped it over Remus's fragile, broken form, before kneeling down next to the bed.

He had no idea what to do now he was here, he was in a state of shock. He knew from Remus's howls last night that he must have been in pain, but he'd had no idea that it would be this bad. He slowly reached a hand up to guide the lank hair from his eyes, stroking it gently away. He could now see Remus's face, although it also had scratches running across it and was caked in blood, he looked peaceful enough.

Harry's eyes began to well with tears, guilt brewing within him. "I'm so sorry Remus." he uttered quietly. "It wasn't your fault, I should never have shouted at you."

Suddenly Remus shifted slightly and his brows drew together into a slight frown.

"Remus?" Harry said, slightly startled.

Again Remus shifted slightly and his eyelids fluttered, though never fully opened.

Harry placed a hand on his shoulder and rubbed gently, trying to avoid any cuts. "Remus, can you hear me?"

This time Remus's eyes opened for a few seconds before he closed them again, his face scrunched up in pain. Harry began to stroke his hair, attempting to ease the pain, trying to comfort him as best he could.

Remus opened his eyes again and blinked rapidly a few times before fixing on Harry. His face altered in disbelief, a look of hope filled his eyes, and he smiled a little before brokenly stammering; "James?"

Harry's heart stopped for a moment, he could barely draw breath. There was a long, incredibly tense silence, and a single tear rolled down Harry's face as he hoarsely replied "No, Remus it's me... it's Harry."

He looked on helplessly as the harsh reality spread across Remus's expression, his joy fading into grief and utter remorse, the reminder of his friend's death leaving him too helpless to fight the heartbreak, the light leaving his eyes only to be replaced by tears. He twisted away from Harry in shame and buried his face in the tattered pillow and started to cry, quietly at first, but soon he began to heave with sobs, his fists curled tightly in the sheets as he wept. Harry found that despite his best efforts to remain strong he couldn't stop his tears from falling either.

He shuffled forwards slightly and took Remus's hand in his, uncurling his clenched fist, interlocking their fingers and leaning down to shakily place a kiss to his knuckles, as Remus had done for him in the hospital.

"I'm sorry Harry." Remus choked out, gasping for breath. "I'm so so sorry."

"It's ok." Harry whispered, leaning his head in to rest in the crook of his neck. "It's alright."

Remus sobbed for some time, but eventually began to calm down and breath evenly, with Harry holding his hand and stroking his hair. After a while Harry carefully climbed up onto the bed, taking care not to hurt Remus as he laid down next to him, who shakily put an arm around him and pulled him a little nearer. Harry leaned his head closer so that their forehead's were touching. He could feel Remus's steady but shallow breath on his face, and he sighed sadly. They stayed that way, neither saying anything, neither needing to say anything - both relieved by the fact they were reconciled now.

Harry was about to ask if he should go and fetch Madam Pomfrey when he realised that Remus had fallen asleep again. He must have been so tired, and Harry could hardly admit to being any less sleepy himself, so without thinking he let his eyes fall closed and drifted off into a dreamless sleep


	19. Chapter 18: Black Medicine

**Hello all! Yep - an update fiiinally! I'm sorry this has taken me ages, for some reason this chapter was like getting blood out of a stone. Only two more chapters after this - it's going to be good, trust me, there will be blood spilled! **

**Reviews very welcome, I always love to hear what you think. Sorry again that it's taken me so long.**

Chapter 18: Black Medicine

"Mr Potter." Harry could hear a woman's voice "Harry?" and could feel someone shaking him lightly. He blearily opened his eyes to see Remus still sleeping next to him. He turned over to see Madam Pomfrey standing over him, looking concerned.

"You need to get up." She whispered.

Harry was a little dazed, but slowly disentangled himself from his Remus's arms and stood up.

"What on earth are you doing here Mr Potter?" Madam Pomfrey whispered.

"I came to find Remus. It's ok... I... I already know about his condition."

Madam sighed. "Never-the-less, it was dangerous to come here. They're missing you up at the school." She seemed angry, but soon her expression softened a little, and she wiped a smear of Remus's blood from Harry's cheek. "But I suppose since you're here you can help me." She put her bag on the floor and took off her cape, she walked back over to Remus, her hands hovering over his back and head for a moment, before she peeled the blanket away from his back to check his wounds.

She sighed and her shoulders hunched slightly. Turning back to Harry he saw that her face had grown quite grave.

"I need to get Professor Lupin back to the hospital wing as quickly as possible, that will mean traveling by portkey." She busied herself, shrinking the bag she had brought and putting it in her pocket while Harry looked concernedly down at Remus.

"Now, have you ever used a portkey before?"

Harry shook his head.

"Right, well, it will feel a little strange, but just hold on to this and it'll be over before you know it." She said holding out one arm of a decorative, shiny stethoscope. Harry tentatively took hold of it, Madam held the other arm herself and placed the chestpiece to Remus's back. Before Harry knew what was happening - he felt himself being swept off his feet and thrown in all directions, blurs of shapes and light and colours whizzed past his eyes and soon he landed, dizzy and disorientated, in the hospital wing.

Harry had been so thrown by the journey that it took him a while to get his balance and bearings, a while even, before he noticed that someone was crying out in pain, it was Remus.

Harry looked on in dismay as Remus writhed in agony on a hospital bed whilst the matron buzzed anxiously around him, forcing potions down his throat, ripping splinters of wood from his skin and stemming the blood that flowed out after them.

Eventually Harry snapped fully back to reality and rushed to Remus's side and gently took hold of his hand, in an attempt to help, even if it was just in some small way. Remus didn't look at him, didn't even acknowledge him. He seemed to be utterly lost and delirious in his pain, but he squeezed Harry's hand hard while he gritted his teeth and then roared in agony as Madam Pomfrey forcibly pushed his leg back into joint.

A few potions later - and everything seemed to calm down. Remus seemed to be in considerably less pain, though on the brink of unconsciousness as Madam set about cleaning his wounds. Eventually his eyes fell fully closed and his grip on Harry's hand lessened gradually, his chest rising and falling slowly, a sure sign that he was asleep, and peaceful now.

Harry watched Madam in solemn silence and she worked; cleaning and, where necessary, stitching up Remus's wounds.

"Oh Remus" she muttered to herself after a while. "What have you done to yourself?"

Harry looked down sadly, to see Remus so injured and in so much pain was heartbreaking, it was harrowing to consider that this was what Remus went through every single month.

"Madam Pomfrey?" He uttered quietly, and the nurse looked up, slightly startled, as if she had forgotten that Harry was even there.

"Yes, Mr Potter?"

"Is it always this bad... after the full moons I mean?" He asked anxiously.

Madam sighed and continued working on a couple of particularly bad wounds on Remus's face. "Not always no." She replied, her hands skilfully healing the torn flesh.

There was a silence, and Harry looked on at her inquisitively, hoping she might elaborate a little further. She glanced back up at Harry and on seeing his questioning gaze, she stilled her hands and looked sadly back at him.

"When Professor Lupin first attended Hogwarts as a student his transformations were very bad, some nights were worse than others, but on the whole he suffered terribly. You see-" she moved further down the bed to work on Remus's shins. "when a werewolf is enclosed, quarantined - in the absence of other creatures to attack, the werewolf will attack itself."

Harry looked back down at Remus sadly, thinking he probably already knew that about werewolves, but hadn't let the implications of it really resonate. It was horrific, now that he thought about it properly, and Remus (in his current condition) was the living proof of that.

"But-" Madam continued "in his fifth year his transformations suddenly got better, he wasn't attacking himself anymore, some mornings after a full moon there was barely a scratch on him. I had hoped that things would stay that way for him, that the transformations would have remained easier, but I can see now that, sadly, that's not the case. In all my years of treating him, this is the worst I've seen him."

Harry felt his heart ache in his chest. It was his fault. He had pushed Remus away, spoken cruelly to him, and then Remus had, had to go and face the moon with that weighing on his mind. From the way the wolf had cried all night, Harry knew he was in pain, but he hadn't supposed it to be anything out of the ordinary, but seeing Remus as he was now, it didn't take a genius to figure out that last night had been the worst night of his life.

As Harry allowed self loathing to fill him, Madam finished treating the patient and covered him with several blankets, before tenderly brushing the hair from his eyes.

"Will he be alright?" Harry asked her quietly.

"He will be absolutely fine." She responded. "He will be asleep for a while, but when he wakes up he will feel a little better, once the potions I gave him have taken effect. You can stay here if you like, I'm sure Dumbledore will see to it that you are excused from classes today, given the circumstances."

Harry nodded and tightened his hold on Remus's hand as if to affirm his desire to stay.

"I need to go and have a chat with Professor Dumbledore. If he wakes up, try to get him to drink a little, but he's not allowed to leave before I have seen him again. Okay?"

Harry nodded dutifully and Madam smiled sadly back before drawing the curtains around the bed. Harry heard the click clack of her shoes as she left the hospital a little later. He sat at Remus's bedside for a long time, simply watching the rise and fall of his chest and the occasional flicker of his eyelids. He allowed his guilt to swarm through him, he knew this was his fault. If he hadn't fought with Remus then he wouldn't have attacked himself, he was sure of it. Harry rubbed tears from the corners of his eyes as he looked down at Remus's gaunt, bruised face - he looked older, yet somehow younger at the same time, more vulnerable.

Eventually, after several hours, more than Harry cared to count, Remus stirred a little.

"Remus?" Harry uttered softly.

He stirred a little more, his face animated slightly as his hand curled a little around Harry's.

"Remus..." he tried again. "Can you hear me?"

Remus frowned a little and turned his head to the side slightly. His eyes flickered open and then closed again, this happened a few times before he seemed to be a little more awake and opened his eyes fully.

On seeing Harry he smiled a weak smile, and his eyes glistened slightly.

"Good morning." he croaked.

"Good afternoon." Harry replied, smiling now. "How are you feeling?"

"I've felt better." Remus replied shakily. "But I've probably felt worse too."

Harry handed him some potions that Madam had left for him to take when he woke up, noting how similar this situation was to when he himself had visited the hospital wing just a few days ago. Remus thanked him and slowly swallowed each of them, and seemed a little brighter as a result. Harry helped him to sit up against his pillows.

"Thank you Harry." Remus responded quietly. "And... Harry - I'm sorry."

Harry looked at the floor, Remus shouldn't be apologising to him, it should be the other way round, he didn't know what to say.

"Harry, look at me." Remus implored softly, and Harry complied. "I'm so sorry about your Uncle, I promised you he wouldn't get away, and I know now that I shouldn't make promises I can't keep. You had every right to be angry with me. And I'm sorry for this morning, I didn't mean to cry like that, I'm sorry."

Harry sighed. "Remus, you don't have to be sorry. I shouldn't have shouted, I wasn't angry I was just scared, I know you did everything you could, and I'm so, so sorry that this..." Harry gestured towards Remus's bandaged arm, an example of the horrors of last night. He felt tears stinging his eyes and he blinked them back, unable to continue speaking.

"Harry." Remus said, his tone serious. "You are not to blame for this. Do you understand? This is just what happens. I'm a werewolf - I don't have an easy ride, but that isn't anyone's fault, and I don't want you feeling guilty for this."

Harry nodded tearily. "I heard you." Remus looked a little confused. "Last night, I heard you howling, it was like you were screaming. I felt so awful, I wanted to do something but I felt so helpless. I was so sorry for shouting at you then and I just wanted you to know that I wasn't angry, but I couldn't do anything... that's why I came to find you this morning."

"I'm sorry you had to hear that." Remus responded taking Harry's hand. "But we're ok now aren't we." he smiled, and Harry smiled back, nodding a little, his unshed tears still glistening in his eyes.

"Come here." Remus pulled Harry towards him gently and Harry moved to sit down on the bed. Remus put his arms around him and Harry rested his head lightly on his shoulder, still afraid of hurting him, but feeling more relaxed now, knowing that there were no hard feelings between them.

"Actually Harry... how on earth did you find me?" Remus asked after a while, sounding a little perplexed.

"Oh..." Harry responded pulling out of the embrace. "Well... I suppose I'd better just show you." he pulled the map out of his back pocket and handed it to Remus, who slowly unfolded it.

Harry was about to speak the incantation, but was shocked when Remus beat him to it. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." he uttered shakily.

The ink began to swirl on the page, creating lines and arches, spiralling into the familiar shapes and words. Remus looked aghast, his hand covered his mouth in shock. "Harry..." he said quietly. "Where did you get this?"

Harry, thoroughly confused and a little shocked to see Remus like this, answered honestly. "Fred and George gave it to me, they said they got it from Filch's office."

There was a long silence in which Harry did know what to say - Remus looked as though he had seen a ghost.

"Remus." Harry uttered eventually. "How did you know what to say to open it?"

"This map, it..." he stammered, looking up at Harry. "We made it, your Father and our friends and I. We charted it, a long time ago." he said wistfully, looking down at the parchment in his hands, the four names, yet to unfold it.

"So - so that's you!? Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs?" Harry asked, astounded.

Remus nodded. "Harry. I can't give you this back. I'm sorry - to be honest, I'm rather surprised at your keeping it anyway. This map shows where everyone at Hogwarts is at any given time, including you. Didn't you think that in the wrong hands this map would be very dangerous?"

Harry looked down, he hadn't thought about it like that. With everything that had happened, he had found himself forgetting about the notorious Sirius Black, and now he had two men on the loose who wanted to kill him. Remus was right, he had been so stupid.

"I'm sorry..." he stammered. "I - I didn't think about it." he let his head hang down, afraid again that Remus was disappointed in him.

He felt a hand rest on his cheek and he looked up to see Remus smiling faintly. "It's alright, no harm done. But I'll have to confiscate the map. You understand?"

Harry nodded and Remus smiled, moving his hand away from his face.

They sat in companionable silence for a while. Harry could see Remus working something through in his head, he hardly knew what to say or do, but for now he was happy to just be with him.

Eventually Remus uttered. "Harry - I think there are some things that you should know, that you deserve to know. I'm afraid I've been keeping things from you, and perhaps that was wrong. But I want you to know, I did it to spare your feelings."

Harry looked on at Remus, what more could there be to tell? He wondered.

Remus turned the map around so it was facing Harry. "The four of us, my friends and I, consisted of myself of course." Remus pointed to the word Moony then slowly moved his finger down to Prongs. "Your father." His hand moved again to Wormtail. "Our friend's Peter Pettigrew..." he moved his hand away and took a while before quietly stammering. "...and Sirius Black."

"Sirius Black?" Harry repeated, shocked.

"He was our friend, the four of us were as thick as thieves - Sirius and your Dad in particular. We made the map so that we could navigate the castle at night without getting caught up past curfew. The others became animagi so that they could accompany me on full moons. Your Dad took on the form of a stag - hence the name Prongs, Sirius a dog, Peter a rat and I, for obvious reasons, was dubbed Moony." Remus explained calmly yet quietly.

"But - I don't understand..." Harry replied, dumfounded. "Sirius Black... he-"

"He is a murderer. Yes, I know." Remus responded sadly. "He was never cruel, when we knew him, I mean, he was arrogant, stubborn and cunning, but never cruel. We trusted him, all of us, but he betrayed us." Remus looked to Harry and Harry stared back, willing him to explain.

"Harry - what I have to tell you, it's very upsetting. And perhaps you should have been told before now, but all of this, it's in the past, and we never wanted you to have to suffer-"

"Tell me." Harry commanded quietly.

"In the war, your parents went into hiding, they were a target of the Dark Lord, and they didn't want to risk your life for a second - only one person knew where the three of you were, your secret keeper... it was Sirius."

Harry's heart skipped a beat. His body slumped slightly where he sat. Sirius Black had effectively killed his parents. He felt anger, and rage, and grief flood through him. He had that familiar feeling of wanted to curl up into a ball and go to sleep forever.

"Peter hunted him down and confronted him, and Sirius killed him in cold blood, along with numerous muggles." Remus sighed, looking wearily at Harry, who was now shaking slightly.

Harry didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to think. He felt a single tear roll down his cheek and was suddenly aware of Remus putting his arms around him again and he moved slightly so that his legs were bent over Remus's lap with his feet up on the bed. He leaned into the embraced and allowed Remus to tenderly stroke his hair.

"Harry-" Remus whispered. "I'm afraid there's more." Harry could hardly comprehend that there could be yet more bad news.

"Sirius is your Godfather."

Harry stiffened in Remus's arms, he was in shock, his own Godfather had killed his parents, had tried to kill him, and was now seeking to finish off the job. It was too much. Far too much, with everything else that had happened he had reached breaking point. He turned into the embrace, collapsed into the man who was holding him tightly now and buried his head in his shoulder, to cry out his interminable grief.

Remus craddled Harry tighter, and rocked him gently. "I'm so sorry Harry. I'm so sorry." He whispered before placing a kiss to his temple.

Harry cried out in choked, wracking sobs, his tears soaking through Remus's pyjama shirt which he clutched desperately, terrified to let him go.

"It's okay. Shhh." Remus soothed, smoothing Harry's hair softly, continuing to rock him back and forth in his arms as he cried himself to sleep.

"It's going to be okay." Remus whispered, unaware that in the dark, black forest, less than a mile away, lurked a man who was hell bent on death and vengeance


	20. Chapter 19: Strangers and The Devil

**Hello lovely readers! Couple of things, this is the second to last chapter - dun dun dun! I'll warn you there is a character death! I feel like it's all been building up to this and a lot goes on in this chapter - very violent, lots of swearing - incredibly fast paced. So enjoy and let me know your thoughts! Thanks for sticking with this story, makes it all the more fun to write! :)**

Chapter 19: Strangers and The Devil

It had been three days since the full moon and Remus was sitting at his desk in his living quarters, getting some marking done. He hadn't been well enough to teach for the past couple of days, and he'd probably be out of action now until after the easter holidays, which started at the end of next week.

He hated being absent from his duties, he knew it was totally inescapable, but he loved his job and felt bad that he was denying his students the consistency they deserved. However when he had raised these worries with Dumbledore he had assured him that it was not of consequence, and that he believed the students were likely to experience a great amount of instability in due course - he had, had a somewhat far away look in his eyes as he regaled this to Remus, and that troubled him.

All of this was playing on his mind, as well as, of course, the events of the weekend. Everything that Harry had told him, the shock of it, and everything else that they had both had to go through as a result. After Harry had cried himself to sleep in the hospital wing the other day Remus had just held him close, afraid to let him go, afraid of what else the world might throw at him. He was satisfied that Harry was coping - just about, and that once the Easter holidays rolled around they would have plenty of time to talk things through. Remus was hoping to get Harry to open up to him fully, to talk about things in more detail and maybe get some of his emotions out - as far as Remus could tell he had been repressing and denying his emotions for a long time, and he knew from first hand experience just how damaging that could be.

He sighed, rubbing his worn, scarred hands over his face. He put his quill down and sat back in his chair for a moment, taking a breather. Looking over the mess of papers on his desk he noticed the corner of the map sticking out from underneath some 5th year assignments. He carefully slid it out and held it in his hands for a moment, the feel and the weight of it so familiar in his fingers. He remembered back to nights arched over this very same expanse of parchment, the meticulousness and time he and the guys had poured into it, the arguments they'd had over the placement of rooms and hallways, the unimaginable thrill of finally finishing it, and it working. He remembered the nights when they were finally able to use it out "marauding."

He sighed and slumped back further into his chair. All this business with Harry had been dreadful in it's own right, but it had also sparked previous pain, opened up old wounds - he had wept for James and Lily, grieved for them all over again. If only they had lived, Harry would have been safe, he would never have had to go through the horrors that had marred his youth. And Peter, poor innocent, trusting Peter. The unjustness of his death still stung Remus, why did Peter have to die and not him, why hadn't he been the one to confront Sirius? And then Sirius. The betrayal, the ultimate betrayal of one he had held so dear. Sirius, despite his arrogance, had been so loyal to him, had stuck by him through his transformations, who had listened to his worries and even comforted him when he cried - Sirius who had turned so easily to darkness. Remus closed his eyes and exhaled, tried to push his grief away, tried to think about James and Peter, the good times they'd had. Tried to think about a better future for Harry.

He opened his eyes again and looked down at the map still folded in his hands. "I..." he hesitated. "I solemnly sweat that I am up to no good." He whispered beneath his breath, tentative, and watched the ink blot and swirl. In no time at all the familiar patterns and words splayed out before him and he carefully unfolded the flaps.

He mindlessly scanned the chart for a while, watching the scurrying footsteps of students moving around the castle and grounds, making the most of their precious time after classes had ended, the considered pacing of professors and Dumbledore's familiar hither-and-dithering around his office.

After a while he saw that Hermione was sitting by herself in the Library, which was hardly news, but it put him to mind of Harry and he began to scan the map for him. He looked for a while, checking the Gryfindor common room and dorms, the great hall, the corridors and even Hagrid's hut. 'Where on earth are you Harry?' he thought, beginning to panic a little more than was perhaps necessary. He scanned over the castle once more and then looked again to grounds and all of a sudden his heart stopped. He saw that Harry was out in the grounds, by the lake, with Ron... and... Peter.

Thoroughly stunned and confused Remus shook slightly, his eyes fixed on the banner that held the inked words "Peter Pettigrew".

'The map never lies.' He thought to himself. A dreadful feeling consuming him. What could this possibly mean?

Before he knew it he was on his feet, his legs aching with protest beneath him as he charged through the door and down the stairs - determined to get to Harry.

HHHHHHHHHHH

Harry and Ron sat by the lake in the cold evening air, and the pink and orange light in the sky was beginning to wane a little. The water was rippling gently against the pebbled shore and there seemed to be a strange buzz in the air, like a storm was coming.

Scabbers was washing himself down by the water and Ron was blethering on about how thoroughly unjust the basic notion of homework was, while Harry stared off out into the distance, to the middle of the lake where it was deepest and the water turned black. He felt uneasy. He had been hesitant to accompany Ron outside, but he hadn't left the castle in days, and he hated to be cooped up, besides, he knew Hagrid was watching them from his hut because he had waved to them as they had passed by. Besides, Harry was tired of worrying about things, not that that stopped him from doing so, but he didn't have the energy to think it through, so he just agreed to go out and get some air with his friend. His friend who now turned to him on acknowledging how quiet he was.

"Harry mate, everything is ok isn't it?" he asked nervously.

Harry didn't look at him, he just sighed, dragging some pebbled around with his feet. "Yeah... I guess."

"Well that doesn't fill me with confidence." Ron mumbled, and a silence fell between them for a few moments.

"I'm sorry Ron." Harry said eventually. "I know I've been out of sorts, but I'm fine really."

There was a pause and Ron drew a contemplative breath before replying. "No you're not."

Harry folded his arms across his chest protectively in response. He refused to look at Ron, he knew he was being churlish, but he wasn't ready to share this stuff with him, with anyone, except Remus.

"I know you said you can't talk about this stuff yet, and I get that - I'm just worried. You're not sleeping enough, you always look tired, you're not even talking about Quidditch anymore. I just... I want to help." Ron blurted out.

"You can't." Harry responded flatly, wishing that he'd never come out with Ron now, wishing that he'd stayed in the Library and studied with Hermione, though he imagined he'd probably have got a similar chat from her.

Ron opened his mouth to say something else but stopped when they heard something behind them, someone running, they both turned around to see Remus stumbling towards them looking incredibly out of breath. Harry shot to his feet and rushed over to catch Remus as he stumbled wildly.

"Remus, what are you doing - you should be resting!" Harry said worriedly as he helped Remus to lean against a nearby tree. Ron wandered over looking a little confused, Scabbers perched on his shoulder.

"I had to come and find you." Remus said breathlessly. "The map..." He exclaimed, gasping for air.

Harry and Ron both stared at him, equally confused. Remus's eyes moved from Harry's face to Ron's but on seeing Ron his eyes squared in on something and he stumbled toward him slightly, suddenly seeming to have gathered himself and focused his attention, his gaze frighteningly intent. He drew his wand from his jacket pocket and pointed it at Ron - before either Ron or Harry had a chance to react Remus shouted an incantation and Ron was knocked backward.

"Remus!?" Harry shouted, shocked at this bizarre and totally out of character act of madness. But as Harry watched the scene unfold he saw Scabbers, who had been flung from Ron's shoulder by the force of the spell, was writhing on the ground and somehow growing, changing - morphing quickly from a rat to... a man.

Remus pounced on the strange looking man just before he had a chance to get to his feet. "Please don't hurt me." The man squirmed and squeaked pathetically under Remus's strong grip on his shoulders. "We're friends Remus, friends - remember."

Remus seemed lost for words, he simply held the man in place whilst he babbled incoherently. Harry helped Ron to his feet and they stood watching the strange and incomprehensible scenario play out before them.

"I never meant to hurt anyone - you know I wouldn't hurt anyone Remus." The man pleaded.

"What do you mean?" Remus shouted.

He whined and wriggled, attempting once more to get free, but failed to wrench himself from the werewolf's powerful grip.

Suddenly Remus's face changed, his features drooped somehow and he looked up at the sky before closing his eyes, frowning - something had occurred to him, and it had obviously shaken him to the core. He dropped his gaze back down to the man. "It was you." He said, darkly.

"Nooo, no I didn't mean to." He whined pathetically, crazed somehow.

"You betrayed them didn't you." Remus shouted, lifting the man by the shoulders and slamming him back down against the ground hard. "You told Voldemort where they were - it wasn't Sirius it was you! You set him up! You..." Remus's voice was hoarse now "you faked your death so he would take the fall."

"I didn't mean tooo." The man protested, his hands around Remus's wrists, knuckles white, as he writhed and shook his head. "The dark lord, he... he tortured me... he made me do it." The words fell from his mouth, demented and clumsy - though his eyes were wide with a sort of terror and Remus gaped down at him, his hands clutching him tightly before he moved one away and landed a punch on the man's face - who promptly groaned in response and continued to babble pathetically.

Harry watched intently, shocked by Remus's sudden actions, he had never seen him angry before, and it shocked him.

The suddenly, out of nowhere, Harry was aware of a presence behind him and a volt of fear so intense shot through his chest that he was paralysed for a moment, unaware of anything else, his surroundings, Ron, Remus and the strange man, the sky, the ground - he couldn't hear anything, couldn't think - all he knew was that he had found him, was standing behind him, was looking right at him, was about to pounce and Harry was utterly helpless. Before he could think, before he could even turn around to face the demon he knew was there - a harrowing scream tore from his throat followed by yet more piercing screams of sheer terror - but he couldn't move. Ron turned around and jerked away and Harry felt a fist knock him to the ground before he was wrenched over to face his ultimate fear, the man who had brought him so much pain and misery, who had torn his life apart and who was now closing his hand around his neck and stemming the flow of air to his lungs.

"I told you you filthy little freak, I told you I'd hunt you down - you fucking swine." He moved a hand away from his neck and punched Harry hard in the face, but Harry was already beginning to feel unconsciousness creep up on him, blue stars and white flashes splayed across his vision as he tried to gasp for air, struggled under the weight of his attacker.

Suddenly Vernon was knocked backwards and Harry gasped desperately for air as he heard the sound of fists being thrown, of shouting and grunting, a struggle. He scrambled backwards and craned painfully up to see Remus valiantly fighting Vernon, each landing punches against the other. They were yelling and shouting, Remus was strong but Harry knew exactly how wilful and frighteningly determined his Uncle was, and with Remus injured he quickly scrabbled for his wand from his pocket when he heard a terribly thud and looked up to see Remus's head smashing against a rock and his body going limp - and then in a flash his Uncle was on him again, bearing down.

"No one can save you now you little slut. I'm going to tear you apart." He shouted menacingly, kicking him repeatedly in the stomach and then punching him in the face. Harry tried to shout for Remus - he could see him out of the corner of him eye, slumped seemingly lifeless on the ground - where the hell was Ron? Suddenly Remus stirred a little, rousing only slightly.

"Dad!" Harry cried out weakly, not thinking. And Vernon laughed cruelly above him, his hands closing almost luxuriously around his neck and began to squeeze the air from him again - he was pressing down harder this time with the heel of his hands, the pain tore through Harry and he couldn't even try to breath, his panic taking over, the last semi-rational thought he had was of Ron and Hermione, Remus and then his parents.

"Your Daddy's dead you pathetic fucking freak - no one loves you, no one cares and no one's going to save you now."

All of a sudden Harry heard a shout and then a flash of black flew through his vision, knocking his Uncle from him once more. Harry couldn't move, could hardly breath but found that he could just turn his head to the side to see a tall, gaunt man with bedraggled black hair and clothes beating the life from his Uncle, firing punches again and again, even head-butting him hard and then kicking him with an almighty rage of fury.

Suddenly Harry felt hands on him, but gentle hands, caring hands. Remus. He scooped him up in his arms and dragged him weakly backward towards safety as the tall man continued to pound Vernon with blow after blow, shouting and yelling.

"It's ok Harry, it's ok. I'm here." Remus incanted quietly into Harry's hair, drawing him up into his arms, cradling him as tight as possible as Harry clung to him with all the might he could muster. "Remus." He whispered hoarsely, thoroughly shaken, as tears began to fall down his face. "Shhh, it's okay, it's going to be alright. Shh." Remus rocked him, gripping him tightly.

Harry curled into Remus but looked back to the fight in horror to see the man kick his uncle into the lake and then force his head beneath the water and hold it there as his Uncle thrashed his arms and legs, but the man's force could not be broken and his flailing limbs began to slow, the splashes smaller, the sound of the struggle dying down until everything was still, everything was silent. He was dead. Harry's breath hitched in his throat and his heart jolted fast, he could feel Remus's heart echoing swift and loud beneath him as he still clutched him tight against his chest.

The man rose slowly from the body, standing shin deep in the water, his shoulders hunched slightly now, and Harry watched as he turned around slowly to face them, and heard Remus breath quietly "Sirius.


	21. Author's Notes

Hello peoples! Just a quick couple of notes on the last chapter; thank you for all your reviews first of all, I've got lots of lovely feedback but also, understandably, a lot of you have raised the 'muggle getting into Hogwarts grounds' issue. Obviously I was fully aware when writing the chapter that it was unfeasible, and I did nearly write it where Vernon didn't come back into the story he was just captured by the Ministry - however that felt ridiculously anticlimactic and frankly boring. And after what Vernon did, who didn't want to see Sirius drown him in the lake? Secondly, I wanted to wrap this story up, I think someone said it was rushed, though I think this refers rather more to the muggle at Hogwarts problem than anything else. I'm not one to drag things out further than they should be, had I put another chapter in about Harry crying and Remus hugging him it would have been pushing it a bit - and that brings me onto my third point, the whole emotional content of this story is incredibly far fetched, the point of good hurt/comfort is to pull on your heart strings by whatever means possible, and that means distorting emotional and yes, sometimes physical realities, at the end of the day we're dealing with a fantasy here, and I figured since this is written with the intention of garnering an emotional response, a little bending of the rules was necessary. Also - this story is a bastardisation of someone's Magnum Opus - I mean... how picky can we be, really? This is fanfiction darlings - not Tolstoy. However, I'm very sorry if my rebellious bending of the magical rules has tainted this story for you, I hope you can still enjoy the last chapter, which should be with you shortly. M


	22. Chapter 20: To Flee Once More

**Hello everyone! I know this update is incredibly overdue, and I am so, so sorry it has taken me this long to get the last chapter to you. I really wish that I'd gotten it to you sooner. I've not been very well recently and things have been a bit crazy, also, I have tried to write this about 10,000 times and none of them have been the perfect ending I was hoping for. I'm reasonably happy with this version, but it's long and quite dialloguey! Anyway, I hope you enjoy it and it gives you the necessary closure.**

**Thank you so, so, so, so, so much to everyone who as reviewed and favourited and followed and read this story. It means so much and I'm glad you've enjoyed it. I'm almost tempted to write a follow up story to this one but if I do it won't be for a while. I have quite a few ideas for oneshots, so hopefully I'll get some of those up pretty soon. But thank you again - you guys are amazing! :)**

Chapter 20: To Flee Once More

"Sirius." Remus breathed, shocked to the core, as he subconsciously held Harry a little closer to him. Sirius stood shin deep in the dark water staring at the two of them, huddled together on the shore. His face was utterly unreadable, despite the unwavering eye contact he held with his old friend. The water lapped morbidly quietly at the body of Vernon Dursely, a man who'm Remus could not have hated more, and yet even after he was dead, everything seemed wrong; none of this should have happened.

Harry stirred in Remus's arms and he looked down to see the boy staring up at him with terrified, bloodshot eyes. Remus didn't know what to do, he couldn't abandon Harry, yet he wanted to run to Sirius, to fall to his knees and beg to be forgiven, for believing him to be a murderer for all these years, for allowing him to rot in hell for more than a decade.

Suddenly he heard voices behind him, and footsteps. Still holding Harry close he craned his neck enough to see the moonlit outlines of three people approaching. As they got slightly closer, Remus recognised them as Professor Dumbledore, Hagrid and Ron. They hurried over, Hagrid carrying a large lantern that flickered light over the scene.

"Harry!" Ron shouted and knelt down next to his friend, who was still buried in Remus's arms.

"Professor Lupin - what on Earth has happened?" Dumbledore asked, audibly shaken.

Remus didn't know where to begin, Dumbledore looked back over to the lake where Sirius was still standing, now staring down at the body. The macabre seen chilled Remus to his core. He suddenly realised that this was no place for Harry and Ron, it wasn't safe.

"Hagrid..." Remus uttered quietly "could you take Harry and Ron back to your cabin, and lock the door."

Hagrid looked to Dumbledore as if to beg for permission.

"Yes I think that would be wise." Dumbledore agreed, nodding to him.

Hagrid stumbled over and reached out to take Harry from Remus, but as his arms wrapped around the boy, Harry clung more fervently to Remus.

"No!" He croaked, his voice barely above a whisper.

"It's alright Harry, it's only Hagrid." Remus reassured as Hagrid backed off a little, unwilling to frighten the boy.

Remus shakily stood with Harry still in his arms.

"Hagrid's going to take you to his cabin and I will be with you in a little while, I promise." Remus soothed. Harry whimpered a little but relaxed his hold enough that Remus could pass him cautiously to Hagrid. Once Harry was secure with Hagrid, Ron picked up the lantern and the three of them set off toward the safety of the cabin.

Remus turned back to Dumbledore; his eyes were fixed on Sirius, who was still standing in the lake, eyes downcast, and trembling visibly.

"Am I to understand that, that is the body of Vernon Dursely?" Dumbledore asked Remus quietly.

Remus nodded, trying to regain some strength and focus. "Yes."

"And that he was killed by Black?"

Remus nodded again, now drawing a long breath, before explaining, "Sirius is innocent, he always was - it was Pettigrew who betrayed Lily and James, he's been hiding in his animagus form, but I found him tonight and confronted him. Dursely must have been watching, because while I was distracted with Pettigrew he attacked Harry, I tried to stop him but he was too strong - and then Sirius appeared and... and he killed him."

The explanation tumbled out of Remus and he could hardly believe what he was saying, though he was relieved to see that Dumbledore followed everything he said and did not seem thrown by the tale.

"...but he did it to save Harry." Remus added.

"And Pettigrew?" Dumbledore inquired.

"He got away." Remus replied bitterly - knowing that without any proof to back up this tall tale, very few would believe him, and Sirius would still be considered a villain.

Dumbledore simply patted him on the shoulder. "We should leave." He said - eyeing Sirius.

Remus nodded and cautiously stepped a little closer towards the lake.

"Sirius?" He said anxiously, the first word he had spoken to his old friend in thirteen years. There was no response. Sirius continued to stare down at the body beneath him.

"Pads?" Remus tried.

Sirius slowly looked up, his eyes round with fear. Remus edged a little closer as Sirius breathed out "Mooney." It was laboured and uncertain, said unto himself, as though he had half forgotten the name.

"Yes... it's me, it's Mooney." Remus responded quietly as he waded into the water and reached out to his last remaining friend "Come away... come away Sirius." He said gently and tenderly held his hand, leading him out of the water to the shore.

Once they got to the shore, Sirius saw Dumbledore and gripped Remus's hand harder, even shuffling behind him a little, and Remus was dismayed by just how much Azkaban had clearly altered his, once invincible, friend.

"Mr Black - am I to understand that you killed Vernon Dursely just now?" Dumbledore asked, an urgency evident in his voice.

Remus felt Sirius shudder slightly before answering. "Y-yes." His voice was so different, a higher pitch and quieter, so much quieter than the brash, outspoken tone Remus remembered him possessing.

Dumbledore nodded gravely, and simply looked to the body.

"He was g-going to kill H-harry." Sirius stammered, causing both men to look at him again. "I c-couldn't let him hurt Harry... I c-couldn't l-lose him." He continued, fear streaking through his eyes as he looked pleadingly at the older Wizard.

Dumbledore did not respond to this for a long while. Remus gripped Sirius's wrist, an attempt to hold him in place, fearing that the slightest thing would send him running again. He would not let that happen.

"Professor - what are we to do?" Remus inquired at last, growing anxious at his silence, knowing that both Harry and Sirius needed him right now.

"I honestly do not know what we are to do, Remus." Dumbledore responded quietly, still looking down at the body in thought, the eerie stillness accentuating every tiny wave that lapped against the bulbous corpse, shored there like a hideous beached whale. Vernon Dursely, it struck Remus, was ever as odious and evil in death - he would always haunt Harry, and now he had also caused yet more pain and turmoil to his oldest friend, one who had done nothing to deserve any of this.

"I - I am to blame." Sirius spoke up eventually, stepping clear of Remus a little. "I am to blame. I must pay the price." Dumbledore looked up a little dumbstruck and Remus gazed at his friend in horror.

"No!" Remus responded. "No - you have already paid the price ten times over for a crime you did not commit. And you saved a life tonight!"

"I also killed someone Mooney." Sirius turned to his old friend, sadness etched across his face. "And I would do it again - for Harry... and for you. I am n-not afraid." The stutter let him down though, for all his brave words Remus could see that he was terrified. His grey eyes that once were aflame with youth and hope were now sunken, like cold ash. And his face, though still handsome, was lined and scarred, much like his own. He trembled unceasingly, and he was hunched over - like a dog that had been kept in too small a cage. It was too much, Remus stepped forward a little and pulled Sirius to his chest.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered, and felt his apology accepted as Sirius wound his arms tightly around him.

It was then that suddenly Remus felt a shiver up his spine, a cold bleakness washed over him, he felt utterly hopeless, doomed - the light began to fade out of his world. Dementors!

As soon as Remus realised what was happening Sirius let out a cry of fear and agony, before a bright light and those familiar words rumbled from the man beside them.

"Expecto Patronum!" Dumbledore cast a patronus that spread around them, across the lake and out into the night sky - from within Remus could just see the outlines of the hideous black creatures being repelled away. Slowly the light began to fade, shrinking back in towards them and Dumbledore spoke up "We must get indoors. Hagrid's cabin!"

The three of them ran as fast as they could towards safety, Remus half dragging Sirius with him, he turned only momentarily to check for Dementors, but could not see any. Not surprisingly Dumbledore's patronus had cleared the sky... for now.

As they reached the cabin Sirius tugged at Remus's sleeve. "Remus!" He said, out of breath. "I... Harry... I..." he stuttered hesitantly.

Remus simply looked back at him, attempting to offer reassurance, though he knew that the impending reunion between godfather and godson was going to be far from easy.

They were both ushered inside hurriedly by Dumbledore, who closed the door behind them and charmed it with several locking spells. Once inside Remus rushed straight over to where Harry was sleeping (curled up in Hagrid's large armchair) and kneeled next to him. Sirius seemed frozen to the spot next to Dumbledore as he attempted to avoid the suspicious glares from both Ron and Hagrid.

Remus placed a hand on the Harry's forehead and smoothed his hair affectionately, the boy slept on, not stirring at all.

"I gave 'im a calmin' draught, Professor. He were terrified, but e's sleepin soundly now."

"I don't think we should wake him." Remus said gently as he stood up and looked apologetically to Sirius, who bowed his head in bitter acknowledgement.

There was a brief silence in which everyone seemed unsure of what to say or do next. Eventually Dumbledore broke the tension.

"Hagrid, I need you to stand guard outside, but do take extra care, the Dementors are somewhat riled."

Hagrid nodded to Dumbledore before looking concernedly at Harry and then apprehensively at Sirius. He then picked up the lantern and made his way out of the door.

"Mr Weasley, I would like you to sit with Harry, in case he should wake, it would be easier for him to see a friendly face." Dumbledore added to Ron.

Ron moved from where he was standing near the kitchen sink over to where Harry lay.

"Oh, and Mr Weasley - 20 points to Gryffindor for your quick thinking tonight. You did the right thing summoning Hagrid and myself."

Ron managed a brave but tired smile before seating himself on the floor next to Hagrid's chair and his sleeping friend.

"Gentlemen." Dumbledore said rather more gravely, turning to Remus and Sirius, before beckoning them to follow him into the small pantry room, in which hung a number of dead rodents, food for the creatures under Hagrid's care, along with jar upon jar containing things such as "Rat Kidneys" and "Fox Breath".

Once inside Remus closed the door to, open enough that should Harry awake they would know, but far enough closed that their talking should not disturb his sleep, or Ron's peace of mind.

"We find ourselves in quite a perplexing situation." Dumbledore began, his forehead creased slightly and his shoulders a little hunched. "Though I was not present at the struggle which ensued tonight I feel myself partly responsible for many of the events which led up to it."

Sirius looked on at Dumbledore, confusion and worry invading every part of his face.

"Sirius, I must apologise for the dreadful fate that has befallen you. Remus has assured me that it was Pettigrew, and not you yourself who betrayed the Potters. Though there is no evident proof to consolidate this assurance... I believe him."

Remus relaxed slightly at this, to know that Dumbledore had faith in Sirius's innocence was a relief to say the least.

"Why else would you have saved Harry's life, after all." Dumbledore smiled a little, and the tension seemed to dissipate slightly.

"Unfortunately," he began again "I fear there are few others who would trust your innocence. Without Pettigrew there is little hope that we may be able to ensure your freedom."

Sirius looked to the floor, he seemed to sink in on himself, Remus grasped his shoulder, worried that if he didn't he might in fact fall over.

"Professor, surely you cannot suggest that Sirius goes back to Azkaban!?" Remus asserted, and at the mention of Azkaban Sirius clung to Remus's arm.

"Goodness no!" Dumbeldore replied. "But he must go into hiding."

Sirius and Remus both looked gravely toward Dumbledore.

"It is regrettable, but for the time being, the world at large will still believe you to have betrayed the Potters, to have murdered Pettigrew along with several muggles, as well as..."

"Dursely." Sirius interjected, his voice unreadable.

Dumbledore simply nodded.

"I understand." Sirius said gruffly, forcing himself to stand upright and let go of Remus's arm. "But I must ask - why, why on earth was Harry being attacked on school grounds by his muggle uncle? What exactly was going on?" He asked indignantly.

Remus sighed and gave Sirius an abridged version of the events that had led up to tonight, he watched as his face darkened as the tale went on, and Remus was finding it more and more difficult to keep the shake from his voice. "Of course we didn't know he was out in the grounds, I had asked him not to leave the castle... but I'm afraid he's rather like James in that respect." Remus noted, finally.

Sirius simply looked from Remus to Dumbledore and back, a look of anger on his face.

"I can understand your anger, Sirius." Dumbledore said. "I thoroughly wish none of this had happened, I wish I had done more to prevent this from happening. I'm just very glad that you were here tonight, to save Harry."

"Me too." Sirius said stormily.

There was a prolonged silence in which Dumbledore and Remus both looked to the ground, shame and guilt resonating heavily with each of them.

"Where am I to go then?" Sirius asked eventually.

"I understand that your family home is vacant and has been for some years, is that correct?" Dumbledore replied.

Sirius looked dumfounded at this, staring directly at the old wizard; his expression morphed to one of anger.

"I - I can't live there. I swore I would never go back!" He responded, a little strength entering his voice, but only fleetingly.

"These are desperate times, Sirius. There is really no where else where you might conceal yourself to such effect."

Remus felt Sirius stiffen at his side, and worried that he might do something rash.

"It wouldn't be forever, Sirius." He tried to placate him. "Peter will show himself in time... we'll figure something out."

Sirius turned to Remus, his mouth opening and closing as if to protest, until he drew his brows together fretfully and seemed to concede that it was the only way.

"How will I get there?" He asked quietly, an almost childlike loneliness shrouding him once more.

"I did have an idea about that." Dumbledore said, the twinkle returning to his eyes.

Suddenly there was a sound from the other room, a sort of muffled cry. Remus instantly recognised it as Harry's voice and he ran from the small side room, over to where Ron was flustering worriedly about Harry.

Harry was still asleep, but he was twitching and a sharp frown adorned his scratched face. He was murmuring also.

Dumbledore and Sirius both cautiously stepped into the room and watched as Remus carefully placed his hands on Harry's shoulders and repeated his name.

"Wake up Harry." Remus said anxiously.

Harry stirred in his grasp, panicked, the dream that occupied his mind was refusing to yield.

"It's ok, Harry, come on, wake up." Remus put his arms around him and began to rock him. After struggling against the arms that were wrapped around him Harry began to calm and opened his eyes. He wasn't wearing his glasses and was clearly finding it difficult to make sense of what was happening.

"It's ok, you're safe Harry, it's Remus. It was just a dream." Remus murmered as he released Harry from his grip.

There was a pause in which Harry's face portrayed a dozen emotions, all the memories of the evening flooding back to him, as plain as day. He coughed a little and looked up blearily at the man in front of him. "Remus!" Harry whimpered and held his arms out toward him, like a small child begging to be held.

Remus couldn't fight the urge to soothe him, to take the boy in his arms where he knew he'd feel safe. He drew him tightly to his chest, holding him there securely and stroking his hair as Harry clung on desperately.

"Everything's going to be okay now. I promise. I'll never let anyone hurt you again." Remus placed a kiss to Harry's temple before silently beckoning Sirius over.

Sirius slowly and cautiously walked across the floor, over to where Remus was now holding Harry's by the shoulders, assessing the scratches and bruises on his face and neck.

Harry looked up at Sirius as he approached.

"Harry, this is Sirius Black." Remus spoke softly.

Harry looked up at Sirius, frowning slightly, then turned to Remus, a quizzical expression on his face.

"It's alright, it appears we were mistaken. Sirius didn't betray your parents, it was Pettigrew - the man who has been hiding as Scabbers for the past thirteen years."

Ron's eyes rounded in surprise. "Sorry that I knocked you over before, by the way Ron." Remus said politely.

"That's fine." Ron replied, still dumbstruck.

Remus turned back to Harry, removing his hands from his shoulders. "Sirius is innocent... and he saved your life." Remus smiled a little and beckoned Sirius to kneel down next to him, which slowly he did, his bedraggled form sinking to the floor and his dark, brooding face aligning with Harry's.

"Harry." Was all he seemed able to say, quietly, saddly, as he reached out and took one of Harry's hands. A tear streaked down his face as Harry gripped his hand back.

"Thank you." Harry whispered hoarsely. "For saving my life."

Sirius smiled, the first time Remus had seen that smile in many years, and cautiously put his arms around Harry.

"I've missed you, kid." He said as Harry returned the hug.

Remus looked on, a strange sort of contentment seemed to worm it's way into his heart, despite the confusion and terror that had occurred tonight, he had a feeling, that even though darkness surrounded Harry's past, things were going to get a little easier, light would come back to him, all would be well.

The three of them spoke for a little while, Sirius quietly acquainting himself a little better with Harry. It felt a little surreal, almost a little forced since they were all very much aware that the body of Harry's uncle still lay face down in the lake, an obvious and macabre fact that no one seemed to be outwardly acknowledging or doing anything about. But Remus knew how important it was that Sirius and Harry got to talk like this. It might be a very long time before they got to see each other properly again, and he was sure it would do them both good.

"I'm sorry Sirius, but you must make a move." Dumbledore finally interjected.

Sirius nodded and turned back to Harry.

"I have to go Harry, and it might be for a long while. But we will see each other soon, I promise, and we can always write." He said smiling warmly.

Harry nodded, smiling back a little.

"Remember that I will always be thinking about you, and no matter what happens I will be there for you, when you really need me." Sirius said earnestly, squeezing Harry's hand, before getting to his feet.

Harry shakily made to get up as well, and Remus helped him to stand, holding on to him for fear of him falling and hurting himself. Harry and Sirius shared a quick embrace before breaking apart, both aware that time was scarce.

Dumbledore made his way outside, followed by Harry who was flanked either side by Remus and Sirius, Ron followed them but remained in the doorway, allowing them some space.

Dumbledore turned to Hagrid, who was still standing guard, and smiled gently. "My dear Hagrid," he began. "I have one more favour to ask of you tonight.

Hagrid looked a little concerned but smiled back to Dumbledore. "Of course Professor." He mumbled.

"We find ourselves in dire need of some very fast, untraceable transportation... and I know how attached you are to Buckbeak, but if he stays at Hogwarts he face's imminent execution, courtesy of the Ministry." Hagrid nodded sadly, he had been distraught by the ruling that Buckbeak be put to death. "I thought since we have a notorious criminal in our midst, perhaps he might, how can I say... "liberate" Buckbeak, and Buckbeak might return the favour." Dumbledore smiled, his eyes twinkling brightly.

Hagrid thought about this for a moment, clearly not quite following Dumbledore's line of thought, until is suddenly appeared to dawn on him, he smiled a little (though somehow reluctantly) and, looking briefly at Sirius, nodded his head.

Hagrid walked over to Buckbeak and petted him gently, scratching the feathers on the top of his head, saying goodbye. Sirius took this opportunity to hug Harry one last time. "We'll see each other soon, I know it." He assured him, and Harry nodded, managing to smile a little, though Remus could tell he was upset.

They broke apart and as soon as they had Remus found himself being almost knocked over by Sirius, who now had his arms wrapped around him in a fierce embrace, which he returned, so surprised, but relieved to have one of his friends back. Something he had wished for time and time again in the very darkest, loneliest periods in the past few years.

"Take good care of him." Sirius said as they released each other.

"I will." Remus responded.

"I was talking to Harry!" Remus smirked.

Harry actually laughed a little at this, and Remus gave Sirius a friendly punch on the shoulder, feeling happier than he had in a long time.

In no time at all Remus, Harry, Dumbledore and Hagrid were all gazing up into the night sky, watching as Sirius and Buckbeak flew away into the clear, cool air, the moon and stars lighting the way for them. They all watched until there was no sight of them at all, at which point Hagrid and Dumbledore headed back to the lake to transport Dursely's body to a safe place in the castle.

Remus and Harry sat down on the front door step of Hagrid's hut, Ron discretely went back into the hut to give them some space, but not before bringing them a large, warm blanket. Remus wrapped one arm and the blanket around Harry's shoulders, and Harry leaned into him. They stayed there for a long time, neither saying anything. Both slowly coming to terms with what had happened. So much had happened that night, it was difficult to take it all in, but Remus felt sure that this was the end of all the danger for Harry, and that now he could truly start on the long road to recovery, and Remus would be there to help him every step of the way.

"Are you ok?" He gently asked Harry, eventually. Rubbing his arm a little to keep him warm.

Harry sighed before replying with a quiet strength. "I will be."


End file.
